Shidduchim are sometimes a result of a surprising turn of
events. We are waiting for a very specific shidduch
and the One Above redirects our thoughts and sends us along
another path.
Karen was a typical Israeli girl from a nice middle class
home. At eighteen, she was anxious but excited about
enlisting in the Israeli army. As time went on, the
disappointment with army life and her disillusionment about
many accepted Israeli norms accelerated. Little by little,
she warmed up to changing her lifestyle. She was introduced
to Yiddishkeit and had great aspirations for building a Torah
home.
After her discharge from the army, she set out to work and to
learn more about her heritage, hoping to meet Mr. Right. But
days turned into months and years and there was no one on the
horizon. A friend suggested she discuss the matter with Maran
HaRav Shach zt'l. Trembling with excitement, she
described her situation and waited for the Rosh Yeshiva's
blessing.
R' Shach explained to her that he did not think she would
find the 100% Torah-round-the-clock bochur she was
looking for. Rather, she should redirect her efforts into
looking for a true Ben Torah with Torah ideals who was
involved part time with learning and part time with working.
Noting her great disappointment, he continued and blessed her
that her sons would be outstanding Torah scholars.
And so it was. Today, years after this episode, Karen's sons
learn in top Israeli yeshivos and are outstanding bnei
Torah who reflect the great ideals of their parents.
*
Esther was an American young woman who ended twenty years of
a childless marriage with a divorce. Subsequently, she met
and married Chaim (not their real names), a widower with
eight children, tots to teens. She devoted herself to her new
family and was blessed, at the age of 43, with a healthy baby
who lit up their life.
Although her husband was already a grandfather, the baby was
a firstborn to his mother, and at the pidyon haben,
emotions ran high. Not a dry eye was to be seen!
*
Anna was a sincere baalas tshuva from Russia. Her
dream was to marry a true talmid chochom and raise a
Torah family. Although she had always envisioned marrying a
boy from a similar background, when Rabbi S., a widower, was
suggested, she gave it much thought and chose to become the
wife of an Israeli Rav with a house full of children.
Anna gave her new family her all. In fact, her new `son' was
overheard sharing the following thought in the schoolyard
with another, orphaned, friend. "Tell your father to get
married. It's so good to have a mother in the house,
again!"
Subsequently, she and her new husband were privileged to
raise their own newborn bechor in the midst of a
thriving blended family.
*
Kaila had gone through a broken engagement and felt that she
needed a change of scenery. She uprooted from Israel to the
U.S. where she became a feared but beloved high school
teacher of Hebrew language and grammar. All of her spare time
was invested in lesson preparation, and chessed
activities. She ran the school's extra-curricular activities
with efficiency and full dedication.
Years passed and matches were sought but not found. Kaila
insisted on one thing: "No children, please." Hashem heard
her request. At the age of 50, she married an Israeli rabbi
whose children were all married and independent. Her husband
was a veteran maggid shiur in an Israeli yeshiva and
his new wife stood loyally at his side, back in her native
Israel. The only children she had to contend with were her
new grandchildren. Sometimes our wishes are fulfilled -- in
an unexpected way.
*
Rabbi Yitzchok Zilberstein of Bnei Brak explains that when a
girl has been in shidduchim a while and choses a mate
quite different from what she had imagined at 18, it is not
that she has compromised because of her age. Rather, she is
marrying the person who was destined for her. It may have
taken a while and many turn of events for the couple to be
ready to get married.
Though we exercise our Free Will and choose to marry or not,
only Hashem knows the secret.
