M.A. in Child and Family Counseling, Child Therapist
In Part One we discussed praise and positive labeling.
There are many other ways to build up a child by paying attention to his strengths. Keeping a written journal of a child's good deeds is a great way to encourage him. If you or your child feel he has done somtehing praiseworthy, record it in his journal. An older child can help you with the task of writing. The journal can be read later to the other parent, sibling, grandparent or even to a teacher, but most importantly, it can be reviewed with the child and used to encourage him for his good deeds and success in overcoming difficulties in various areas. For a young child, a tape recorder can be used instead of a journal in the same manner. Either you or your child can record his good deed on the tape.
Young children love to hear themselves praised over and over again. With a tape recorder, they feel they are receiving undivided personalized attention, even when a parent is busy doing something else. The best use of the journal is to have some ideas come from the child and some from the parent. In this way, the child learns to encourage himself and also receives praise and attention from the parent. An especially powerful and exciting prize for a child is to hear a pre- recorded message of himself being encouraged by his family and/or other important relatives. Prepare this in advance and have them cheer, "Great job, Moishy! We're proud of you!" and clap. This message can be played back as a special reward for a job well done. It gives the child a strong sense of love and support from his family and is a powerful tool when used sparingly.
Another creative way to build a child and create strong self identity is by creating a "me box.". Decorate a shoebox with pictures of things he likes to do or that he is good at. Record the examples of his skills or good deeds on sheets of paper and fill the box with them. He can do the same. Open the box whenever he feels down to reinforce all of his positive qualities and skills. No skill is too small to mention. Children can also be encouraged to draw themselves doing something they are good at.
If a parent wants a child to progress towards a particular goal, a ladder chart is a concrete way to demonstrate progress and growth. Put the ladder on the wall and put a star on each rung as the child succeeds in surmounting a difficulty successfully. At the top, a reward or a special label can be filled in. For example, if the child is having difficulty with his temper, a mark can be made each time he controls himself or expresses his anger in an acceptable manner. When he reaches the top of the ladder, he sees a picture of a very relaxed child and a reward that he will receive along with the words, "I know how to control my anger. I am a gibor!"
Physical reinforcements such as journals, charts and tape recordings help children to concreticize a goal, reach for it and feel good about the progress towards it.
The more skillful parents become in using encouragement and positive regard with their children, the healthier and happier they will become and the more their behavior will improve. The same skills (without the concrete tools) can be used by parents upon one another, to create a more peaceful, productive home.
