Did you ever have one of those days when not only did you
start the day off by getting out of bed on your left foot,
but even twisted it in the process? You surely have, unless
you possess some as-yet-undiscovered anti-shlemazel genes. If
you know of anyone who's done research and has discovered
those genes, could you please let me know? I think I'd
consider genetic engineering. I seem to be particularly needy
of them, as you shall soon find out.
I'm one of those last-minute-Charlotte types, creative, but
with a very poor sense of time. Everything that I think will
take only a minute ends up taking... how long? I'm not quite
certain. Maybe ten minutes? Twenty? An hour or two? Always
sure that I have plenty of time, I somehow do end up making
it by the skin of my teeth.
I was getting sick of life in the down-to-the-wire fast lane
so I made up my mind: this year I will NOT come into Pesach
panting. I was tired of hearing how this neighbor had her
freezer chock-full of cooked food for the entire Yom Tov and
how that friend finished her upstairs by Tu B'Shvat. I was
not comforted by the trite, "All Jews sit down to the
seder at the same time." Of course I do, but in what
shape? Propping my eyelids open with a toothpick? I could not
keep up with the Schwartzes' organizational talents, but
neither was I doomed to being the very last straggler in the
pre-Pesach marathon.
This year I was determined that, come what may, I would turn
over the kitchen before Shabbos rather than the usual
bedikas chometz night. With Hashem's help, and His
good messengers: my children plus one day's paid cleaning
help, I actually did it! Well, nearly -- I only
kashered the dairy side on motzaei Shabbos but
I did cook Pesachdig for Shabbos.
The seder was lovely and I felt the particularly
uplifting joy of my personal liberation. The next morning, as
I was walking downstairs to heat up the delicious food I had
already cooked for the festive meal, I slipped, and in an
unfortunate twist of the ankle, I suffered a total of eight
fractures. Though not my first incident of fractured bones,
it was by far the worst. Now you know why I need an implant
of those anti-shlemazel genes!
It's been challenging, but having limits imposed on my
physical activities has given me more time for cerebral
exercises. At first, the pain was too acute to even
concentrate on reading as a diversion from the agony. But
after a while, I was left with a dull ache and an abundance
of thinking time. If you are careful to avoid the pitfall of
drowning in self pity, you can arrive at many interesting
insights when you have some spare time to ponder.
Is exercising the brain similar to exercising muscles? It is
amazing how quickly muscles turn into soft mush when
immobilized for a few weeks and how inflexible a limb becomes
afer having been set in one position. When we are lazy
thinkers, do our brain muscles likewise lose their vigor? If
we think only along one set track without making the effort
to understand anyone else's point of view, might our rigid
thinking become self-perpetuating? Well, I was handed the
chance to restore cerebral muscle tone.
We may respond with "This, too, is for the best," or "It's a
kappora" when we have setbacks, but we don't feel too
lucky. However, I've come to discover that there really are
clear gains that I've merited as a result of my tumble. The
frenetic pace of our day-to-day lives leaves us little time
for anything; being forced to slow down can be to our
advantage. How about time to listen to a child sharing his
day with two whole ears as opposed to the usual half an ear?
Or time to develop spiritually by actually opening up a
sefer, which we have hardly done since graduating
seminary, delving into the commentaries on Tehillim so that
the next time we say that chapter, it will be with deeper
understanding?
Other than in Elul, do we normally take stock of where we are
going and where we need to improve? When we feel Hashem
signalling us and are shaken into making a reckoning, we need
the menuchas hanefesh to do so. If we can't find the
time, Hashem may help us out a bit by giving us an
opportunity such as mine. Or we may preempt it by doing it
without a forced time out.
There really is a silver lining to every cloud. Although we
are acutely aware of any difficulty in our lives, we are
generally oblivious to our numerous blessings. My injury
increased my awareness of the manifold good in my life and
the clear knowledge that it is all a free, undeserved gift
from Above. Is it our G-d-given right to enjoy perfect
health, marriage, children, friends, intelligence, and
financial security? Should we only appreciate the ability to
move freely and painlessly when we can't? Sometimes it takes
adversity to come to appreciate what we do have.
Do you want to be content with your lot? Try comparing it
with those who are less fortunate. When, over the past weeks,
I found myself slipping to a kvetchy, self pitying
mode, I thought of David Chatuel who lost his entire family
in a terrorist attack, of the twelve children whose mother
was killed and father injured in a car crash, of people
battling life threatening illnesses and other mega-sufferers.
I then regained perspective, knowing that I got away nearly
scot free; I am not more worthy than they. It sharpened my
focus, turning, "It's a kappora" from cliche to the
chilling realization that it truly could have been far, far
worse.
I was amused to learn that I've likewise been a source of
comfort to others. My sister, who also took a tumble down the
stairs, suffering a minor injury, told me, "When I think
about YOU, how dare I feel self pitying?" After hearing this
from a number of people struggling with their own issues, I
thought, "Hey! If I can help others cope better, even
unwittingly, that's just great! It's nice to feel useful."
Being somewhat useless has its uses too. If you want your
daughters to get good, thorough training in
baalebatishkeit (homemaking skills), this is one good
way to have it done. I wouldn't have chosen to do it this
way, but since Hashem chose it for me, it is an additional
facet of all being for the best.
Most of us feel very uncomfortable being helpless takers. We
like feeling in control and being givers. Our being in
control is an illusion, Hashem is the only One in control.
The only control we do have is over the choices that we make.
If challenge helps us become aware of this reality, then our
strengthened emuna and bitachon is a positive
outgrowth of adversity.
We prefer giving over taking. However, even when I was forced
to take, the love displayed by family, friends and neighbors
was heartwarming. My daughter's gentle caring when I was
totally helpless after surgery, staying the entire night next
to my bed and my very dear friend spending hours with me at
the hospital, clinic, and local doctor's office are images
not quickly erased. The kindness was ongoing and there is not
enough room in the YATED Home and Family section to describe
it! Olom chessed yiboneh! The many acts of kindness
performed on my behalf have surely increased Am Yisroel's
total merits, hastening our redemption.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not suggesting that you be
careless when going downstairs to accrue the aforementioned
benefits. (Follow my mother's advice: don't wear slippers.
Wear good support shoes, especially if you are injury-prone.)
But I am suggesting that Hashgocha Protis doesn't only mean
that we missed the plane that ended up getting hijacked
etc.
Hashem truly loves us. But He also rebukes those He loves in
order to improve them and if we look for the silver lining
when challenged, we may find that it is thicker than we ever
previously imagined.
