What's So Funny?
by N. E. Galis
I was talking with a friend the other day and we were trying, in our
best American way, to determine the differences between American and
Israeli senses of humor.
Creativity And Fun Corner:Vibrant Bubbles
Blowing bubbles is one of those childhood pastimes that has appealed
to and endured in the hearts of children since its beginnings.
A Speck on the Map: Korestin
by Devora Piha
by Yated Ne'eman Staff
We all know the actual geographic size of Mir, Radin, Brisk - not
more than a speck on the map, but in spiritual Torah value, they were
Baala-Buster - Ten Minutes to a Cleaner House -
Valid only till the Sixteenth of Adar
by Nechama Berg & Chaya Levine
You're getting company in 30 minutes. Perhaps a surprise visit from
your m-in- l. Your house is a mess. WHAT TO DO?
Purim Paraphernalia Preparation
by Chaya Roizy Vorhand, Household Management
The ideas about organizing kitchen cabinets are great! My kitchen
is so neat, now, I can hardly believe it's mine, and the compliments
from my family are still coming. Can I organize my refrigerator using
Wrap It Up! - Shalach Monos Packaging
by Rivka Tal
With shalach monos, an eye catching presentation adds so much
to the `portion' itself. As advertising experts can attest, packaging
is a key to appeal.
A Rosh Chodesh treat to put you in the high! Suitable as a Purim dessert.
Much less calories than ice cream and easily scoopable.
How many laughs can we squeeze out of you in this Rosh Chodesh
Adar edition? Chuckles? Smiles? C'mon... be merry...
TIME 'TIL TOMORROW TO TRY TO DIET
by A. Reader
My family and friends are quiet
When I am on my latest diet,
While counting calories, I have found
I've only gained about ten pound.
Alas, my dietic need,
Shifts according to what I read.
Perhaps, I'll have a week of salads,
Repugnant to discerning palates,
They're dressed with olive oil and thyme,
(A week will seem an endless time).
Next week, I'll change to homontasch, I think,
Or maybe latkes with just a drink.
Each festival, when it comes around,
Calls for menus which abound.
I might have a week of yogurt and cheese,
I hate them so much, I'll lose weight with ease.
Round Purim, I only eat once a(ll) day -
Can't throw all that shalach monos away.
Then we'll have lamb chops, liver and beef,
Pesach is slimming, is my belief.
You don't put on weight if you eat the right food,
When eating's a mitzva, it must be good.
Cheese cake on Shavuos, of course's a must,
I'm always left with the last little crust.
But Boruch Hashem, six times a year,
My inaccurate scales have nothing to fear.
[Thank G-d for Taanis Esther.]
ADAR IS HERE
by A. Reader
Adar is here. I rack my brain.
Dressing up time here again.
Some buy clothes, and others make.
Sewing? It's a piece of cake!
In the end, they all feel good.
Kids love Purim - so they should!
But mothers aren't filled with bliss.
A pity it should be like this.
What shall I send? How much? To whom?
The very thought fills me with gloom.
Friends and relatives, neighbors, too.
I don't want junk food - nor do YOU!
In fact, I don't want food at all.
Shalach monos should be kept quite small!
In Israel, it gets harder still,
One has to use a bit of skill,
Sh'eiris fruit? Or maybe not.
They might think it's badatz they got.
A plate of veggies should be safe,
Cherry tomatoes can't be treif.
Women bake nice cakes to send,
But it's not worth it, in the end.
Not everyone eats what I bake,
"That's not the hechsher which I take."
So it's MY cake that they send on,
Until its looks are almost gone.
Every year this waste of food
Puts me in a dreadful mood.
Other women say the same,
"What a pity," "What a shame!"
All this chometz, at a time
When we try to clear the grime.
With great abandon, the kids stuff
And I don't even say `enough'.
Let them eat! It's got to go!
It's nearly Pesach, don't you know?
Wafers, pretzels, custard creams,
Come to haunt me in my dreams.
Purim comes but once a year,
So let's enjoy it while it's here!
One to Tickle the Funny Bone
The Annual Exodus
by Malka Adler
It transpires annually,
Most city folks desire the sea,
While those who settle by the shore,
Suddenly find it quite a bore.
For folks who abide in green hills,
Only flat vistas provide thrills.
The ones whose view is country green,
Towards asphalt sidewalks seem to lean.
Should the rooster be their alarm,
When they're awakened on the farm,
They yearn for noise and traffic horn,
Far from the house where they were born.
They'll trade the smell of new mown hay,
For polluted air any day,
From all of Israel they emerge,
On highways and byways they surge.
Inflated boats for the water,
They pack up the whole house - sorta,
Seforim, suitcases and fans,
Mountains of food and drinks and cans.
Strollers, games, pelephones - maybe,
And don't forget to take the baby!
Change apartments, find relations,
Hotels, motels - on vacations.
But as Elul time approaches,
By buses, vans, cars and coaches,
They travel home with a full heart,
New Year's preparations to start.
by Eva Silverstein
Is the point of our plot,
The best boy in the world,
She felt she got.
A character so fine,
So special was he,
Felt so very fortunate
Our Newlywed Naomi.
And now the 7 days of festivities,
Were gone forever more,
The sweet loving couple, now on their own,
To tackle what life had in store.
Naomi was delighted,
To display her culinary skill,
She'd make sure her precious husband
Would eat to his fill.
She woke up bright and early,
Started glancing through every book,
"Where's a gourmet dish?" she mused,
"What, for goodness sake, shall I cook?"
Pepper stuffed with rice,
But, as a new kollel wife,
She must also balance the price!
And so she continued in this fashion,
When she glanced at the clock on the wall,
She gave a shriek, began to wail,
Realizing that supplies - she had none at all!
She ran to fetch some money,
And quickly dashed out the door,
Before you knew it - she found herself,
In the local grocery store.
Up and down the aisles she ran,
Piling up her cart,
Remembering what she was once told:
"Food is the way to a man's heart."
Excited with her purchases,
She dug into her pocket for money,
To her dismay, she found a hole,
But cash - there wasn't any.
In a frenzy, she told the guy
To put it on her mother-in-law's account,
Firmly resolving not to tell her about this,
Since it was an exorbitant amount.
Naomi heaved a sigh of relief
When she arrived at the front door.
Now everything would fall into place,
No more hurdles, she was sure.
She began to peel, mix, cook and broil,
All in one go,
Determined it would be the best,
In honor of the husband she loved so.
She dared not stop a moment,
For time was of the essence,
She prayed all would be ready,
When her husband would make his presence.
And just when the situation seemed tackled,
She saw the kitchen's hurricane state,
Crumbs, peels, paper wrappers were scattered,
Not a clean spoon, fork or plate.
She had but several minutes,
Her young heart skipped a beat,
Does a good wife welcome her husband
Into a home that's not perfectly neat?
She opened up one cupboard
And stuffed it to the brim,
Soon there was not a morsel in sight,
Now she was almost ready to welcome him.
She took a look in the mirror,
And, wow, was she grateful for that!
For her face was all smeared with chocolate cream,
Not to mention greasy chicken fat.
Newlywed Naomi thought she'd had it,
She was ready to retire,
Then she heard a key turning in the lock,
Speedily, she adjusted her attire.
She pasted on a bright warm smile,
Ushered her husband in with a glow,
When he inquired if she'd had a busy day,
She replied, "Not especially so."
With her bright warm smile still on her face,
She invited her husband to take a seat,
With bated breath she waited to hear,
That her cooking just `couldn't be beat.'
She carefully observed his expression,
As he bit into the food,
And with no reaction forthcoming,
Asked, "Do you think it is good?"
He perked up and then nodded,
"For beginners, you're doing quite well.
And perhaps, one day, you can do it like Mom,
She really knows how to cook swell!"
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