When a group of American citizens requests an audience with
the President, the governor of a state or another high-
ranking government official, the papers that come with the
letter of acceptance tell the time of the meeting, how long
the visitors can expect to have for the appointment and other
details of protocol.
One of the concluding remarks in this correspondence is often
the fact that there will be an opportunity for the guests to
be photographed with the dignitary.
This "photo op," as it is called, is often the high point of
the visit. For years thereafter, a nicely framed copy of the
picture will be displayed with pride.
There is one "photo op" that presents itself to many of us
each Chanuka. Those of us who are fortunate enough to have
children in our lives -- our own offspring and grandchildren,
the young members of our extended family, our students and
children in our neighborhood with whom we are close -- like
to have a camera ready to snap a picture of the youngsters
reflected in the glow of the Chanuka candles.
There is something about the lights of Chanuka that brings
out the chein of each and every precious Jewish child.
Indeed, we know that CheiN forms the first two letters
of the name of Chanuka.
Chein is hard to translate. Calling it charm, grace or
any of the other usual English equivalents does not do
justice to the word or to the concept.
Every Jew has a precious neshoma, an aspect of
holiness and connection to the Creator. The lights of Chanuka
are our once-a-year glimpse at the original Light of
Creation. There is an instant bonding between the
neshoma and this highest of lights that casts a
special glow over the one who gazes at the Chanuka lights.
This glow is most apparent in the pure shining faces of our
children. Whether we capture it on film or in our mind's eye,
we need to retain these Chanuka pictures of our children.
In the midst of our hectic, busy days, it is easy to forget
how pure and sweet and precious each of our children really
is. Because we don't stop and reflect on this obvious fact,
we often fail to tell our children how wonderful they are.
Self esteem is so important to the development of a human
being that noted psychiatrist Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski has
made it the theme of most of his works. When someone asked
Rabbi Twerski how he had found the time to write over two
dozen books, he answered that he didn't write 28 books, he
wrote the same book 28 times.
Rabbi Twerski's books keep telling us about the importance of
self esteem and it is a message we all need to hear.
Children who are too young to go to school develop a sense of
self from the way the imporant adults in their lives --
parents, siblings, grandparents, caregivers -- perceive them
and relate to them.
If Mommy and Tatty greet them with a big smile and a hug,
praise their creative efforts and provide a nurturing
environment, young children will view themselves in a
positive light.
Then comes the school experience.
None of us is perfect, and it doesn't take many years of
schooling for a child to realize his own strengths and
weaknesses. One child may be a star student but inept at
sports. Another may shine at jump rope but fail to grasp math
facts.
Rabbi Twerski illustrates some of his books with the cartoons
of Charles Schulz, creator of the "Peanuts" gang. One of
Schulz's characters is a little girl called Peppermint
Patty.
Patty is adept at athletics and also understands human nature
quite well. However, she lacks discipline and does not
prepare her school assignments, preferring instead to waste
time. She is also sensitive about her looks.
Patty's poor grades, coupled with her appearance, have given
her somewhat low self esteem, but she has not dropped out of
school nor has she withdrawn from her social circle.
Why does she continue to function? In one of the cartoons,
Schulz has Patty telling her friend, "My father says I am a
rare gem."
If a child feels appreciated and knows there is someone on
her/his side, be it parent, teacher or others, s/he can go
out and face the world.
If we, the significant influences in the lives of our
children, can carry around with us pictures (mental images or
snapshots) of the chein of these precious
neshomas, it will be easier for us to tell them that
they are, indeed, rare gems.
We find it very easy to catch our children doing things
wrong. The secret to successful childrearing is to "catch"
them doing things right.
"Oh, Rochel, I am so proud of you for making your bed so
nicely." "Moishy, the way you listened when I asked you to
put away your blocks made me so happy."
"Yudele, you benched so loudly and clearly, saying
every word slowly and with kavono, just the way your
rebbe told you to do! Let me write a mitzva note right
now so that you can bring it to school tomorrow."
"Malky, even though I was busy serving the soup, I noticed
that you were mevater. You let your little sister play
with your favorite doll. You made this Shabbos meal so
special for me! Thank you!"
Many families use the long Chanuka evenings to play board
games with their children. By looking out for good behavior
such as taking turns nicely, sharing, and even losing
graciously, we can find opportunities to praise our children.
That praise will stay with them long after the game is over,
and make each child a winner.
The special treats of Chanuka -- latkes, cheese dishes and
jelly doughnuts, not to mention chocolate gelt,
disappear quickly. However, when we step on the scales for
the next few weeks, we are reminded of Chanuka in a very
tangible way.
Let us all put some effort, whether on film or via memory, to
capture the chein of the shining faces of our children
as a more significant and long-lasting souvenir of the
holiday of lights.
