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Opinion & Comment
Parshas Vayishlach: Lessons In Solving Dilemmas

by Rabbi D. Makover

Desire for Peace

Yaakov's attempt, recounted at the beginning of the parsha, to achieve reconciliation with his wicked twin brother, contains many lessons about dealing with difficult, harrowing dilemmas such as we are often faced with.

Background

Eisov had waited 22 years to kill his brother, Yaakov. Although the bechor as a role in avodas Hashem was meaningless to him and he was only too happy to sell it to his brother in return for a meal, Esav later came to hate his brother when he realized that Yitzchok wanted to give him the bechor and the blessing that goes with it and Yaakov had obtained it by what he regarded as deceit.

Eisov was living in the field of Edom and Yaakov had run off to Lovon in Padam-aram. But Yaakov did not intend to stay there as a fugitive in permanent hiding. Moreover, he was aware that if Hashem places a person squarely in a dilemma, He does not ask him to evade the dilemma but to find the solution to resolve the dilemma. During his time with Lovon, Yaakov was actually waiting for the right moment to meet his brother, talk to him and remove his resentment. This explains his apparently needless journey to meet his brother.

At the same time, he was aware that Eisov might not co- operate in the "peace." This did not dismay him. He was ready to deal with all contingencies if the peace talks failed. We shall see that first reports of Eisov's attitude which Yaakov received en route were that he still wanted to kill him. This caused Yaakov fear, but it did not compromise his decision to face the dilemma and see it through.

Not Running Away

Some while ago, an avreich approached one of the gedolei dayanim in Bnei Brak and told him that he had gotten into a heavy argument with a certain group of people, and they were planning to sue him for his home and everything he had. Since he was a citizen of England, he thought the best thing to do was get on the next plane back. The rov replied: "Nothing will come of running away."

Beginning of His Strategy

Yaakov's first tactic in trying to secure peace with Eisov was to send messengers. Meforshim tell us that he chose angels in order to frighten Eisov by revealing to him that he had supernatural weaponry.

In a different approach, Be'er Mayim Chaim tells us that Yaakov's use of angels was to copy the ways of Hashem in dealing with the wicked. Mishlei (20:21) states: "The prize is obtained quickly and its end has no blessing." Hashem gives the wicked prize after prize -- for example, the conquest of country after country -- giving them more and more power -- and just at the moment when their position seems supreme, He brings them crashing down.

The reason for their fall is their drunken self- conviction. This leads them to foolishly overextend themselves and endanger their position till they are destroyed. This we see in Haman, and in many of the great dictators and ruthless careerists of history.

When Yaakov sent angels and told them to address Eisov with extreme reverence, "My lord . . . your servant," his tactic was to promote Eisov's vanity and this would lead him to make fatal mistakes.

The Attitude of the Tzaddik and the Rosho to Gains in Life

Yaakov himself took the Jewish attitude to the gifts of life: "I have become small from all the kindnesses" (32:11). Receiving kindnesses -- a substantial amount of money, a good shidduch, etc. -- should increase humility and gratitude to Hashem. A man should give charity as a means of saying "Thank you." This feeling of added smallness before Hashem increases Hashem's presence in one's life, bringing further blessing, whereas the pride of the wicked drives Hashem out and brings their fall.

Resort to Subtlety

The angels whom Yaakov dispatched found Eisov on his way to Yaakov. Sefer Hayoshor holds that Lovon sent word to Eisov in Seir that Yaakov had abandoned his estate after robbing him right and left and now was an opportunity to kill him.

What is remarkable is that verses 5 and 6 (perek 32) describe in detail what Yaakov told the angels to tell Eisov. The next verse (7), seemingly disjointedly, simply states, "We came to your brother, to Eisov. And also he is coming towards you and there are four hundred men with him." There is no mention of any parley with Eisov. Chok LeYisroel believes that Yaakov had instructed them not to talk with Eisov if they saw he was on the way.

But a simple interpretation of verses 5-7 suggests the angels refrained from talking to Eisov because they saw he was on the warpath and, as Chazal tells us (Ovos, 4:18), "Don't appease your friend when he is angry."

Here we see Yaakov did not give up on his hopes for "peace" and sent presents. The presents would speak for themselves. Human speech would be counterproductive.

This often applies. When a creditor in a dispute with his debtor fails to persuade him to come to a settlement over money owed, he often has recourse to legal action in beis din. When the debtor receives beis din's summons and realizes he may be in for bigger demands as well as costs, he returns to the negotiating table.

The story is told of the king who made an annual tour of the countries of his empire. One year, he arrived in a remote village. The children knew nothing of the king, knew nothing even of the importance of a king. One boy threw a rock at the king for a joke. The guards seized the boy wanting to beat him to death. The king ordered them to leave him. "The child's only a village boy," he reasoned. "But he has to be taught."

What did the king do? He placed the child in a good school, then took him into the royal army and advanced him though the ranks. All the time the child heard nothing else but talk of the majesty, grace and enlightenment of the king. The school, the army, the prosperity of the country were all due to the king. He started to think of what he had done, and how little he understood of life. Eventually, the child was appointed king's minister. Now his glee over throwing the rock transformed into permanent remorse: the king is always so kind to me; and as a child, I threw a rock at him. How can I ever repent for this?

Such is the lesson in this section of Yaakov in communication. Finding the right method for the situation.

Determination and Alternative Action

The angels' message to Yaakov that Eisov was coming towards him with a small army made him afraid. But he did not panic. Herein is Yaakov's gevurah. Fear is natural; but the challenge at this moment is to trust Hashem that if I follow rational tactics despite my fear, Hashem may yet save me. So Yaakov did not give up on "the peace" with Eisov: his duty was to pursue peace and the result would be Hashem's decision.

He resorted to "presents, prayer and war." The presents were to soften up Eisov. His praying speaks for itself. Then he divided his camp into two to prepare for war.

Secret of Survival

Now the verse tells us a secret of survival. "If Eisov comes to the one camp and strikes it, the remaining camp will survive." Yaakov does not call his second camp "the second camp" as he calls the first camp, "the one [or first] camp." He calls it the "remaining" camp. We see that Yaakov eliminates the "oneness," the "I." So long as I realize I am merely "remaining" and not "I," in other words that I am dependent on Hashem totally, all my own doings are merely token -- I will survive.

An avreich once consulted the Klausenberger Rebbe. He told him that he studies half a day and works half a day, but he does not earn enough money and he has decided to work the whole day and stop studying. The Rebbe told him: "Survival is the decree of Hashem yisborach. It's not yours. If you give up on Torah completely, why should Hashem help you? On the contrary, if you want to help yourself, you'll see what will happen."

Salvation from Another Source

In the end Rashi (33:8) tells us that it was the angels who secured the peace. Yaakov's angels started pushing Eisov and his men around. "Who are you?" the angels asked Eisov's men. "We're Eisov's men," they replied. The angels responded "Oh really?!" and started beating them. Eisov's men cried out, "But Eisov is Yitzchok's son." The mention of Yitzchok did not stop the beating. Then they cried out, "Eisov is the grandson of Avrohom." This also did not help. Finally, they ceded, "Eisov is Yaakov's brother." Eisov's men recognized the supremacy of Yaakov and the angels stopped.

This was of course an act of Hashem. Here too is a lesson in hishtadlus. So often we resort to the correct method to solve a problem, but produce no results. But immediately after the attempt fails, success comes from another source.

Once a friend wanted to hire a chavrusa for a low price and also wanted to study a particular inyan not known to all. He advertised in Yated Ne'eman. Fifty people phoned; but nothing came of all these applicants. After he had exhausted himself speaking to them all, he spoke about his frustration to a neighbor. The neighbor immediately responded by giving him the phone number of a contact. He rang this contact, came to an agreement with him and they are still together to this day.

Following a correct plan of action to deal with dilemmas is what Hashem asks of us. If we do this, Hashem is pleased; and His reward may be to reveal almost directly that He was the cause of the person's dilemma; that He Yisborach appreciated the fact that the person accepted that Heaven had given him a duty to deal with his problem and not evade it; and finally the reward of the revelation that Hashem provides solutions to problems. Hishtadlus is an issue in itself.

If hishtadlus and results are really two separate issues, this is all the more reason for us to realize that running away from problems will not help.


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