Part III
In spite of dire warnings, and with the blessings of two
gedolim and the reassurance of two doctors, I carried
through a pregnancy of quadruplets and gave birth to four
healthy boys whose bris took place on the same day.
I made it a point to relate to each one separately, not as a
fourth of a team, and to give them individual attention.
Today, four years later, they each attend a different
cheder and share experiences with one another when
they return home, to make up for the time when they are
apart.
*
A child's first day in cheder is always a special
occasion. But in our case, we had to be in four
chadorim the same morning. And so, I went with Yosef,
my husband took Ben Zion, while various relatives and
volunteers accompanied Shlomo and Yishai. My husband is also
a melamed in a Talmud Torah and had to leave Bentzy's
reception in order to go to work. I remained with Yossi until
he seemed comfortable in his new surroundings. Then I filled
in for my husband and afterward, replaced the volunteers. I
spent the entire morning running from cheder to
cheder and each time, I was excited anew. The children
knew that Abba and Ima had to divide themselves between
everyone, and accepted the procedure.
Indeed, agreement and concessions are not new to them. They
were raised that way. Growing up together helped them acquire
tolerance and patience -- lifetime assets. They accept the
fact that we must divide our love among them. But they sense
the message I constantly convey to them: Ima's heart has
room for all of you collectively, and for each one of you
separately.
At our Shabbos table, the fact that they have absorbed this
lesson is particularly evident. Each child stands up when his
turn arrives and tells about the parsha. While one
speaks, the others listen patiently. My husband also
encourages joint conversation and as a melamed, knows
how to direct the talk. It's a pleasure to listen to them.
HOW DO WE MANAGE FINANCIALLY?
Normally, it would be impossible to provide for such a
family; we finished a container of Materna formula and a
package of disposable diapers every day. When I was in the
hospital after the birth, a secular journalist asked me how I
would raise them all. I replied, "We aren't rich and receive
no support from our immediate families. But we have an Abba
in Heaven Who sent us the children and Who will provide us
with all our needs directly from His generous hand, or by
means of good emissaries."
Boruch Hashem, to this day, we haven't lacked
anything. How is this possible? The following stories
illustrate this point:
An elderly British woman who now lives in Eretz Yisroel heard
about our quads and decided to `adopt' them. Like a good
Bubby, she visits them every now and then, plays with them,
chats with them and takes an interest in their development.
Their first winter in kindergarten, they needed coats. One
day we received a huge package. We opened it to find four
new, warm and lovely coats sent by the kindly Bubby. How did
she know what we needed, precisely when we needed it? She was
a good emissary, sent by Hashem to help us.
The economic decrees don't frighten me, either. Does Tommy
Lapid raise my children? Did the government take care of them
beforehand? Will I twist and turn at night over the cuts in
the subsidies for large families?
Let me tell you another amazing story. At one point, we
urgently needed four beds and a closet. My brother, who lives
in another city, collected beds which had been discarded by
well-to-do people who had bought new ones. Ordering a van, he
then brought us the beds. We were happy with them, but after
a year, they completed their earthly mission and had to be
replaced. We applied to the Nefesh Chaya organization for
help. This organization, which was founded in America but has
a branch in Eretz Yisroel, has supported us all along,
providing us with volunteers, financial aid and advice.
One day, a couple notified the organization's New York center
that they wanted to contribute money in memory of their only
daughter who had passed away in childhood after they had
waited many years for her birth. When they entered its
office, they saw a large picture of me and my quads. The
wife, who had once lived in Eretz Yisroel, recognized me,
since we had been childhood friends. Then and there, she said
that she wanted to donate the large check in her hand to me.
The check was really large -- $20,000. This sum covered the
cost of the beds and the closet. Hashem sent us what we
needed at the precise moment we needed it, and not when we
thought we needed it. Indeed, whenever I reached the
conclusion that no one but Hashem could help me, the
yeshua would come.
During my stay in the hospital, I also became acquainted with
a number of good women who still keep in touch with me. One
of them already has great-grandchildren, but still visits
patients in Shaarei Tzedek at least twice a week. When I was
there, she encouraged me and made sure that I was
comfortable. Whenever she came, she raised my spirits and
shared her vast practical knowledge with me. Among other
things, she said, "The child-rearing stage doesn't last for
120 years. Children grow up and leave the house and one day,
you'll long for that period. Enjoy it while it lasts. There's
what to enjoy." Only one who has been there herself can speak
so confidently.
That woman knitted four pairs of socks for my quads, which
she filled with candies and gave me. Whenever I feel a bit
low, I visit her to recharge my batteries over a cup of
coffee.
HOW DO I MANAGE?
You are probably wondering how I can raise quads and four
other children and still run a baby-care center and a
household? The secret lies in my order of priorities and my
attitude toward mishaps.
When I was younger, I felt that it was important for the
flowers to stand at a certain angle on the table, and for the
floor to gleam. Today, I am happy if the house is
presentable.
If one of the kids dirties the sofa or the recently washed
floor, I don't waste energy yelling at him. Instead, I take a
deep breath and tell myself: I can either scream at the
child, who feels guilty enough as is, or accept the situation
calmly. Whichever alternative I choose, I'll still have to
clean the mess, and so, I might as well go about it in a
positive manner and not waste my mental and emotional stamina
on anger.
I wasn't born with a patient, unruffled disposition, but must
work on acquiring that trait. Before plunging into a
difficult task, I take a deep breath and say: This is my job
right now, so if I must tackle it, I might as well do so
happily, thanking Hashem for having given me a healthy and
transient difficulty.
There are times which I refer to as `escape valves.' When I
am with the children, I am exclusively theirs. But I also set
aside time for resting or for sharing my experiences with my
husband and even for going on vacation alone.
The baby-care center is a boon for me because it enables me
to earn money while remaining at home. The children are happy
when I am home and like to see me in a housecoat and a
kerchief. When I put on a sheitel, which isn't very
often, they tensely ask, "Ima, where are you going?" The
factor which bolsters my spirits most of all is my husband's
attitude toward the quads. He is thrilled with them and his
excitement is infectious!
MY OTHER CHILDREN
I feel that my older children sacrificed much for the sake of
the quads. During the first year after they were born, my
husband and I devoted most of our time, energy and resources
to raising them. I try to compensate the others for this by
utilizing every spare bit of time for being with them, taking
them to town with me or including them in special events or
projects. I also make them feel that in my eyes, they are no
less important than the quads, and will always remain "my big
ones."
"I'M JUST A BABYSITTER"
When the quads were only nine months old, one of them
suddenly lost consciousness for a number of days. When he
awoke, we were informed that he had suffered a physical and
mental setback. I was determined to spare no efforts to bring
him back to normal. As a result, I took him to the best
therapists and to every expert who could advance him until
all his capacities and faculties were fully restored.
The doctors said he needed constant external stimulation.
Such stimulation is very hard to provide when one has only
one child. However, in the company of his three brothers, he
had such stimulation the entire day. They played and talked
to him in a natural manner and as a result of his innate
desire to imitate them, he began to progress. Until he was
two, we feared that he might never learn to speak properly.
He also learned to walk very late. But, thank G- d, he
eventually caught up with his brothers and is presently very
bright and alert.
After that incident, I realized that I am merely my
children's babysitter and that Hashem assumes full
responsibility for their growth. I pray that after having
sown with so much effort, we will reap with joy, and merit to
raise four talmidei chachomim.
