In an office where I once worked, one of my coworkers used to
say, "An expert is someone who does the exact same job as you
do, fifty miles away." In other words, we are all
`experts.'
We tend to be intimidated by people who are particularly
knowledgeable in any given field. However, if we give some
thought to it, each of us has quite a bit of expertise that
we can use and/or share with others.
Some of us are good cooks. Some have a knack for dealing with
children. Others sew well, are good at various crafts, are
especially thrifty or have a green thumb. Most people have
talents in more than one area.
We have been taught since childhood that humility is a virtue
that Jewish people should cultivate and pursue. But humility
does not mean going around saying, "I'm nothing. I can't do
anything. I will never amount to much."
True humility involves quietly acknowledging and using our
own strengths, without blowing our own horns.
Mrs. H is an excellent baker. She makes cookies for just
about every simcha in the neighborhood. She may be
tempted to sweep in, take the plastic wrap off her famous
cookies with a flourish, and tell the hostess, "Just taste
one of these. Aren't they divine?"
If she did that, she could then strut out triumphantly while
everyone in the house complimented her and thanked her
profusely.
However, Mrs. H. is a humble person. Her style is to come in,
wish a sincere "Mazel Tov," quietly place her disposable
paper tray of cookies on the table, and tiptoe out. She knows
that her cookies are very good, but she doesn't lord it over
anyone.
During Elul, we are supposed to be reviewing "the year that
was" with the intention of changing and improving our
character traits. If we want to do an honest inventory, we
will follow Mrs. H.'s example. We will acknowledge and
recognize our strong points and start with those. That will
give us the confidence we need to go on to evaluate the
things that need improvement.
Let's have the attitude, "I am a good person. I am capable of
doing things well. Now I have to see what I can improve."
The person who feels s/he is nothing and can't do anything
right will not be very successful at tshuva. Somehow,
feeling one will not succeed becomes a self- fulfilling
prophecy.
A friend of mine was once working on building up her self
esteem and underwent a program of counseling. She was advised
that when an opportunity came along to do a particular
mitzva of which she felt herself to be the least bit
capable, she should immediately volunteer for it and
verbalize, "I can handle that!"
It worked. If someone needed a ride to the dentist or to a
clinic, she would offer her services with a cheerful, "I can
handle that." Doing these small favors for people gave her a
feeling of accomplishment which did build up her self esteem,
and made her capable of doing more and more. After a short
while, she was a new person.
And being a new person is what Elul is all about.
Each of us should pinpoint one line in the "Al cheit"
list that made us nervous last Yom Kippur. Ask yourself
honestly, "Did I do anything this year to work on this area?"
If the answer is, "No," we have a great starting point for
this Elul's self improvement program.
There is an activity that we all do several times each day
which can, for many of us, use some improvement. Before each
mitzva, we make a brocha. We can choose to
mumble the words on automatic pilot, or we can think before
we speak. Then we will consider, "I am about to make a
blessing over this apple. I will be acknowledging that Hashem
creates the fruit of trees." Then we can say each word of the
blessing clearly and think about its meaning.
Either way, we will say the same words, and move our jaws
approximately the same number of times. However, only one way
will fulfill our purpose in this world -- to acknowledge and
praise our Creator.
When a two- or three-year-old is learning to say this same
blessing, s/he will expend a great deal of effort in
remembering the words and trying to say them correctly. [And
so will the parent.] The child will be so happy to get
everything right. [And so will the parent.] Why shouldn't
we?
Some mitzvos are easier to fufill than others. The
mitzvos between us and Hashem are often easier to do,
and easier to correct, than the ones which involve
interpersonal relations.
Many years ago, the first kosher Chinese restaurant opened in
our area. There was a rather long menu that told the names,
descriptions and prices of each unfamiliar dish. On the back
page, there was a suggested menu for families and other
groups, at a discounted price.
The family menu worked like this: There were two categories
of main course dishes, `A' and `B.' `A' dishes were simple
items such as vegetable chow mein. `B' dishes were the more
costly dishes such as the ones with meat, nuts or fruit
added. Each person got a choice of appetizer, soup and
dessert. Then, for a group of, for example, six people, you
could order three main dishes from the `A' column and three
from `B.'
We could adapt that format to our Elul Mitzva
Improvement Program. For each week in the month, we could
tackle two or three mitzvos from the bein odom
laMokom category, and a similar number that involve
bein odom lachaveiro.
Maybe one week could including saying our brochos with
greater concentration and trying to daven on time,
coupled with judging others favorably and showing more
respect for parents and teachers.
Because of the large quantities of vegetables in the Chinese
food, we became quite full after just a small helping.
However, a couple of hours later, we were hungry and ready to
eat again.
By next week, we will have digested our initial `A' and `B'
choices, and be all set to take another look at that menu of
mitzvos and order again.
Hearty appetite!
