There is a lot of talk these days about how important it is
to be thinking about and doing teshuva and coming
closer to Hashem. Many of us busy housewives may be
wondering: How? What more can I possibly be doing, and where
will I find the time to do it? Time towards one thing is
always time away from something else, if the time is not
running away from us altogether.
Perhaps one solution to this dilemma is to make the best of
what we already have, that is, to enhance and improve upon
the mitzvos we are already doing. A quick inventory
into the life of a Jewish woman reveals many opportunities to
achieve great closeness to Hashem.
Let's begin with the three main mitzvos alloted to
women:
What is candle lighting like for you? Do you arrive
huffing and puffing like a runner sliding into home plate, or
are you calm and relaxed, dressed in Shabbos clothes or robe
and white headgear perfectly in place? Most of us probably
fall somewhere in between. Besides there always being room
for improvement in terms of organization, we can also enhance
the time we actually spend by the candles. We're there
anyway!
Some women like to use it as a family time, with everyone
gathered around and answering amen, and some women use
it as a private time for prayer and introspection. The main
idea is to use it! We can give tzedoka before we
light. There are many beautiful prayers we can say before and
after we light the candles, both those printed and those that
come straight from the heart. An important kavono for
this special time is bearing in mind the reason we are
lighting candles in the first place: we are attempting to
bring peace into our home. The candles remind us that all is
sholem, complete. Shabbos has arrived and the Shechina
is looking for Its place in our home, our hearts. The custom
of lighting a candle for each child also helps keep us in
touch with the beauty and preciousness of these
relationships.
Perhaps baking challa is not something we are `doing
anyway'. But since it is so important, it might be
worthwhile to incorporate into our schedule, even just once a
month. Besides it being a tikkun for Chava's sin, it
is another good way of bringing peace into the home. If it is
possible, make enough to take challa with a
brocho.
You're doing it anyway! And if you really want to get the
most out of the mitzva, it is suggested that it's best
to make it on Friday because that's when Chava sinned. It may
sound impossibly out of the question, but some people find it
actually easier, because they are already in the kitchen on
Friday. Divided up among all the other tasks, it actually
goes much quicker. It is financially more economical and the
smell of challa baking on Friday is a pleasant prelude
to the onset of Shabbos. Although some husbands prefer store-
bought challa, most will appreciate homemade,
especially if it's still warm from the oven. [Tips: you can
make the dough on Thursday, refrigerate, and have it plump
and ready in the morning. Also, for that extra-fresh taste,
you can leave the challos on the blech or on
top of pots until right before Kiddush.]
*
Since many of our growing daughters enjoy reading this
publication, I will try to be as brief and succinct as
possible on this third special mitzva. The best way to
make the most of it is by a continuous review of the
halochos. A refresher course is ideal, but even
learning the halochos at home or with your husband
enhances the mitzva tremendously, whether we review
once a month or once a year. Clearing up as many questions,
doubts and problems as you can, allows the process to become
smooth and worry-free. Once your questions are answered, your
heart and soul will be opened to receive the wonderful
hashpoa, the bounty and aura that this mitzva
offers.
*
Let's look further, into a typical day:
How do you feel about your head covering? Has it become so
second-nature to wear it that you don't give a thought to its
spiritual value and power? Covering our hair is much more
than a fashion statement! Each morning as we adjust our
kerchief or put on our sheitel, we are essentially
crowning ourselves as queens. Bearing this in mind encourages
us and reminds us to conduct ourselves with the dignity and
modesty befitting the daughters of the King. What a
privilege! A simple, one-line mention of kavona as we
put ourselves together to start our day can transport us
immediately into the palace of Hashem, ready and eager to
serve. The same is true when we put on our stockings or
modestly appropriate clothing.
Is it hard to find time to daven? If you do
find the time, is it hard to concentrate? The laws vary
widely as to what and when women are obligated to say. Very
often, it can change from day to day. If you hardly
daven at all, taking on a small prayer commitment,
even ten minutes worth, will increase and enhance your
connection with Hashem much more than you would imagine
possible. It is hard to believe, but it is really true. If
you already pray but find it hard to do so with
kavono, it is suggested you try concentrating on just
one small part of the prayers, such as the Shema, one morning
brocha, or one brocha of the Shemone
Esray where you stop short before, and linger over the
words and their meanings. Spiritual riches await you!
Realize, though, that even if you cannot accomplish this --
you can only take time out to daven the minimum and
you can't muster up any kavona -- Hashem will hear you
anyway, any time of the day. Hashem knows our hearts and our
souls, and He hears our prayers even when they remain unsaid
(according to R' Tzvi Mayer Zilberberg in his work, Divrei
Chizuk). [Actually, you can pray throughout the day, and
talk to Hashem all the time, asking for strength, patience,
good counsel, and help even in finding things...]
If you are really determined, there are two other ways to
come very close to Hashem through prayer. The first, heard
from R' Moshe Weinberger shlita is to write yourself a
small note to keep in your siddur containing a brief
list of your most heartfelt desires. Look it over each time
you daven and whisper it out loud if you want to. You
may find, at the end of a month's time, that your prayers are
being answered. Doing this reminds you of Hashem's total
involvement in every detail of your life.
The second way is through regular recital of Tehillim.
A person once came to a rov and asked if, with the
limited time at his disposal, it were better to study
mussar or gemora. The rov replied that
it was preferable to study mussar since it would help
him realize that he really does have the time to study
gemora.
I believe the same is true with Tehillim. Even though
it seems like something extra, saying Tehillim
actually allows you to accomplish more than you would if you
didn't take the time out to say it. It helps things flow more
smoothly and easily, and a lot of the scraps and scrapes that
were allotted for you on a particular day are wiped away
after you've recited some Tehillim. Since you didn't
know they were there, you don't realize what you've
accomplished. A simple comparison of Tehillim days and
non- Tehillim days will reveal this truth.
What do you think about when you wash your hands? This
mitzva is easy to take for granted and do
automatically, yet it is probably the one we do most often
throughout the day. There are many laws of hand- washing and
they could definitely withstand a review. I once attended a
shiur which focused mainly on some 30 areas in which
netillas yodayim, when done properly, can bring much
benefit to a person. This act is actually a segula!
Since we are doing it anyway, and so often, a one-time
investigation into its significance could offer us a lifetime
of appreciation for this simple and precious
mitzva.
How about `Asher Yotzar'? There are beautiful
posters, some illustrated, even pocket-size ones, available
in Hebrew and English with the brocha printed on them
along with a detailed explanation of the meaning and
importance of the blessing and the proper way to recite it.
The poster says, in the name of R' Yeruchom Levovitz
zt'l of Mir, that if a person would contemplate the
miraculous process that takes place from the time food enters
the body until it leaves, he would send a telegram home each
time announcing the success of this procedure!
Saying this blessing with kavono is a protection
against chronic and life-threatening illness and is a
wonderful way to achieve closeness to Hashem through simple
gratitude and awareness. Remember: you are saying it
anyway! Why not reap the full spiritual benefits?
*
With the Gush Katif vegetables and Helsi beans and grains,
many of us don't spend much time checking for insects in our
food any more. A pity! What often seems like an overwhelming,
time consuming chore is actually a source of blessing and
siyata dishmaya. Each time we dump those beans out on
the plate or hold the leaf up to the light, we are inviting
Hashem into our life. We have the opportunity for complete
emuna and trust that He will never hide a bug from us
and He will help us along in this seemingly impossible task.
Again, a quick review of the laws streamlines the process and
imbues us with complete confidence that we are doing the
mitzva in exactly the right way. The laws are so clear
and specific that they guide us through every step.
EXTRA CREDIT
The following are a few things we might not be doing anyway,
but they are so rich in spiritual value that they might be
worth incorporating into our lives.
When was the last time you fasted a minor fast? We all
manage Yom Kippur and Tisha B'Av [under normal
circumstances], but other ones sometimes just seem too
difficult. It is fairly easy to get a hetter not to
fast, especially during varying phases of motherhood. As
someone whose rov does not generally provide them in
this area, I had to give the matter some thought. I came up
with the idea that while fasting does weaken us, we see that
our husbands are generally obligated to fast, no matter what.
How can they possibly learn Torah when they are weak? The
answer, I think, is that it is important to our spirituality
to occasionally serve Hashem from this place of weakness and
vulnerability, to recognize and acknowledge our complete
dependence on Him.
The best way to really feel this is when we are forced to
continue on with our daily routine despite our weakness. With
our varying pressing responsibilities, this is often
extremely obvious even without fasting, but it is a special
opportunity for closeness to our Creator, even if we only
fast half a day.
*
Do you ever find yourself with even five spare minutes? A
veritable fountain of success and Heavenly assistance will be
revealed to you by the simple act of studying Two Halochos a
Day of shemiras haloshon. A telephone partner is a big
help for this. Not only will it acquaint you with the laws,
but the merit of studying them will actually help you to keep
them and protect you from stumbling. It will also give you
Heavenly support in other areas of your life. It rarely takes
more than five minutes, and it gives a real spiritual lift
and tone to the day.
*
One final suggestion: Melave Malka. Maximum potential
completion time: ten minutes. If it is possible to sit down
in your Shabbos clothes, either before or after clean-up, the
minimum requirement is a piece of bread and a hot drink
[someone told me -- with fresh water, since this draws from
the Well of Miriam and brings blessing for the entire week].
Melave Malka is a segula for long life,
children, easy childbirth, good health and livelihood.
Another small investment which reaps tremendous spiritual
rewards!
Although this may sound like a cliche, if none of these
suggestions work for you, one extra smile a day can go a long
way towards bringing Hashem closer into your life.
Good luck!
