For many of us who grew up in chutz la'aretz, the
difference in the educational systems of our old countries
and what we have here may be confusing. This seems to be
particularly true in choosing a yeshiva ketana, since
many parents have turned to Project Tvunot for advice and
guidance in this matter.
I once heard a story about an inexperienced new father about
to bring his first newborn child home from the hospital.
"What time should we wake up the little fellow in the
morning?" he innocently asked the nurse who was checking them
out.
Life can have its rude awakenings. The purpose of this
article is to offer some explanation about how to go about
choosing the right yeshiva ketana for your son so that
you can avoid such rude awakenings. [Ed. Many of these
suggestions apply equally to girls choosing a high
school.]
Any of the following suggestions will help you to make a more
accurate decision. Ideally, try to do all or most of them.
Attitude
One of the biggest mistakes people make is that they shop for
a `good' yeshiva ketana. Don't look for `good;' look
for `mat'im,' that is, suitable or appropriate. What
may be good for your friend's child may be devastating for
yours.
Having the attitude that "all of the yeshivos are good for
certain children but we are looking for what is right for our
son" will help you find the ones that are suitable for you.
Going to a `top' yeshiva will not necessarily make your child
into a bigger talmid chochom. It might even be too
much pressure for him.
Having this attitude from the outset and expressing it to
your child can also make him happier about going to a less
prestigious yeshiva. And, his being at peace with wherever he
goes can do a lot for how he performs there. If he feels that
he got shortchanged, he may start off on the wrong foot.
Whenever your son says something like, "Yeshiva so-and- so is
not such a good yeshiva," you can say something like, "The
question is not which yeshivos are `good,' rather, which are
good for you. You will best realize your potential in those
yeshivos that are suited to you." Being consistent and gently
persistent with this attitude can be a tremendous help if he
does not get accepted into his first choice. You can then
repeat to him the idea that the yeshivos that accepted him
are mat'im for him and that he can really grow
there.
Consulting With Your Son's Rebbe
You should have visited your son's Rebbe somewhere in the
beginning of the year and be acquainted with him by now. Make
an appointment to discuss this important topic since he
should be familiar with the various yeshivos and can give you
direction as to what is appropriate for your son.
Be aware that many chadorim and botei sefer
have connections with certain yeshivos ketanos. These
will take only a specified number of boys from your son's
institution every year.
The question you want to ask the Rebbe is, "Which yeshiva is
most appropriate for our son?" If you did this earlier in the
year, he may have told you to come back after Pesach. Try to
get some ideas from him so that you can investigate on your
own. Ask the Rebbe for the names of parents from the last
couple of years whose children attend the yeshivos he
recommends. Phone them and ask them for their impressions.
This is to give you a general idea about the yeshiva. If you
want, you can ask them for additional names and then call
these people. You may find out that you have acquaintances
whose children are learning in these yeshivos.
People's experiences will vary, so take everything you hear
with a grain of salt, both the good and the bad.
Nevertheless, this will give you an idea of the atmosphere of
the yeshiva, the kind of boys who go there, how much pressure
there is, the size of the shiur etc.
The people you call may know of other yeshivos that your
son's Rebbe is not familiar with. New yeshivos/seminaries
open every year! You might look into some of these and then
discuss them with your son's Rebbe.
Visit the Yeshivos
Go down and visit the yeshivos that sound like possibilities.
Some people will ask, "What can I really see by just spending
a few minutes there?" The answer is that you can learn a lot
of valuable information. Find out when the boys are learning
in the beis midrash and go there, sit down for 15-20
minutes with a sefer and observe.
You will be able to see how the yeshiva looks. Sometimes the
physical setting can be a consideration, especially if it is
negative. What kind of boys are learning there? You may see
children whose parents you know and you can then speak to the
parents. You can see who some of the Rebbes are. If possible,
meet the Shiur Alef Rebbe or the mashgiach.
These are the two people with whom your son will be spending
most of his time the first year. You can introduce yourself
and tell them that your son's Rebbe recommended this yeshiva
and that you are looking into it for your son. Usually, the
late morning is a good time to meet the Shiur Alef
Rebbe since it is after the shiur and he is in the
beis midrash to help the boys review. Usually, the
mashgiach and the afternoon Rebbe are there during the
late afternoon hours.
The question you should ask yourself when visiting the
yeshiva is, "Will my son really be able to grow here?"
Consider making a second visit to those yeshivas that seemed
most appropriate to you. Besides helping you to double check
your impressions, there is an additional side benefit.
Assuming that you have met one or more of the Rebbes, your
going down there shows them that you are seriously interested
in their yeshiva. You can even tell them that you came down a
second time because you think that this yeshiva is good for
your son and that you want to check it out once more. They
will relate to you differently when they see your application
(assuming that your son is the kind of boy they are looking
for).
Preparing Your Son
One of the requirements for entrance into a yeshiva
ketana is an oral exam on a few pages of the
gemora that your son will be learning. Usually, the
Rebbe prepares the students for this in class. It is common
to hire a private tutor to help your son prepare and his
Rebbe probably knows the names of avreichim that he
can recommend. Generally, 45- minute sessions a few times a
week is right for most boys but since this varies from child
to child, it is worthwhile to discuss it with your son's
Rebbe. Plan to start right when they begin reviewing the
material.
You Take Responsibility
The extent to which different chadorim and botei
sefer actively participate in helping you get in to
yeshiva ketana varies greatly. Some take a lot of
responsibility and some take very little. Find out how much
your son's takes. Ask the Rebbe and ask parents whose son
graduated the year before. Ask at least two or three
parents. Don't rely on one parent's experience.
Whether they help a lot or a little, be ready to take
responsibilty for carrying everything out. The application
and acceptance procedures may not be as standardized as we
are used to from `the old country.' You must take the
initiative to be in contact with the Rebbe and the yeshivos
whenever necessary. It is a very busy time and it is
unreasonable to expect the Rebbe or the yeshiva to keep track
of all of the details. I personally know a Rebbe who
designates a special phone number only for discussing
yeshiva ketana matters for the period before and
during the exam season.
Make sure to speak to several other parents to find out about
their experiences and familiarize yourself with how things
run. This is one time that you do not want to have a rude
awakening!
Every year there are unfortunate stories. A family whose son
was accepted failed to respond within the time period the
yeshiva allotted. Then, after it was too late, they found out
that the place had not been held for him. In another story, a
child had been accepted but the yeshiva did not inform the
parents because they expected the parents to call them
and they also lost their place in the yeshiva. In a third
story, the parents had told the Rebbe that a certain yeshiva
was their first choice, but through a misunderstanding, he
did not tell this to the yeshiva and the child was not
accepted.
The purpose in telling you these stories is not to scare you.
Rather, it is to illustrate that when parents assume the
responsibility, incidents like these can be avoided.
Some Closing Thoughts
Keep in mind that although it is possible to switch yeshivos,
it is not always easy. It is much better to put in the extra
effort beforehand to ensure that you make as accurate a
decision as possible. Hopefully, these tips will make this
simple for you.
And one more thought... The Chofetz Chaim suggests a special
prayer for fathers and mothers to say. You can look it up in
Mishnah Brurah vol. I, in Hilchos Bircas HaTorah,
siman 47, s'k 10.
Wishing you much nachas and success!
