In order for a child to succeed in society, both in his
actions and his outlook in life -- he must be brought up with
a positive self image. The formation of a child's self image
is not only a result of the parents' educational methods and
the way they look at him, but an ongoing process which takes
a lifetime to accomplish. The parents, however, are the first
ones to influence the child from the moment he is born and to
help him develop -- and these first years are critical for
him. How can parents raise their baby's or child's self
esteem?
1. Show the child that you accept him and love him.
A baby absorbs his environment's relationship to himself by
the sort of care he is getting. A child who is always being
treated with apathy, without love or even with constant
grumbling, will feel different than one who is cared for
warmly and lovingly. A child who is cared for without strong
feelings of love can develop a negative self image and think
that he is no good, unworthy, annoying and even repulsive.
A child nurtured in a joyful and friendly manner will feel
that he is good, praiseworthy, that he is deserving of being
loved and that no matter how he expresses his feelings,
whether happy or sad, by laughing, crying, smiling, showing
anger, kicking his legs etc. -- all these are accepted
comfortably, up to a point, of course -- because he is loved
and accepted for himself.
All the above will influence the child's self image. A baby
who internalizes the message "I'm important" will grow up
protected by this message, and develop a positive self image.
A baby who absorbs the opposite message is likely to develop
a negative self image.
2. Let the child be exposed to a supportive
environment.
As a baby becomes an older child, he continues to absorb
messages from his environment, but at the same time, his
milieu and contacts are becoming more complex. People he
never knew are now part of his life -- his nursery school
teacher, friends, neighbors and acquaintances -- and by their
behavior towards him, they will add something to the self
image he already has. The child's positive self image will
develop with the encouragement of those around him. A
supportive environment which emphasizes his positive traits
and not the negative ones will cause him to feel good about
himself. Stressing negative aspects of his personality will
surely bring about opposite results.
3. Accept the child as he is.
Parents think that in order to strengthen their child's self
they must help him reach excellence. They shower him with all
sorts of benefits so that he can devote himself to his
studies and become a top student. They buy their child
expensive games, send him to all sorts of extracurricular
activities and make sure he doesn't lack anything.
Afterwards, when he grows up and complains all the time that
he feels neglected, the parents are shocked and ask
themselves: Where did we go wrong?
It is a fact that there are children who grow up in poor
families and have a positive self image, while others who
grow up with every comfort imaginable have a negative self
image. Sometimes, when a child receives more than the basic
necessities, his self esteem suffers. Receiving above and
beyond his needs can weaken a child. It can broadcast that
"You can't handle things by yourself. I don't trust you
enough, therefore I'm doing everything to make it easier for
you."
Parents think that if their child succeeds extremely well in
school, he'll gain a positive self image. This is simply not
true. A child who is pushed along by his parent to excel does
not enjoy the learning process itself and if in the end he
fails, he will feel like a total failure since everything is
dependent on the end result.
Children must feel that they are good even when they are
`bad', meaning that they are important whether they make good
grades or fail. Our child must be made to feel worthy whether
he is the weak one in class, simply average or very
successful.
4. Parents must see themselves in a positive light.
Parents who have a negative self image will find it difficult
to bring up children with a positive self image. Children
pick up not only what the parents tell them but also what
they feel and what they think. Therefore it would be wise for
parents to increase their own self esteem as time goes on;
let them keep an eye on their own personalities and failings
and try to improve as much as possible. A positive parent is
one who knows that he has failings yet he accepts himself as
he is, while striving constantly to improve.
TIPS
* A child with `two left hands' can be made to feel
hopelessly clumsy, or successful, depending on whether the
parents emphasize what he can't do properly or what he
succeeds in doing well.
* When a parent relates to a child's mistakes as if they were
terrible errors, he can't help thinking that he is terrible,
even when he is simply trying.
* It is important to speak more in the first person instead
of constanty using the word `you.' Instead of: "You can't do
it, come, I'll help you," we can say: "I'd like to see you
going to bed early. Let me help you with your homework."
