How is it that masses of poor, hungry, primitively- armed
Arabs have created a war machine against Israel that seems
unstoppable? What is the secret weapon that sonei Yisroel
like Arafat and bin Laden possess that incites their
followers to die rather than live for their cause?
That secret weapon is chinuch, says Rav Leib Kelemen,
one of the presenters of a timely new series of parenting
workshops in Jerusalem.
"The sitra achra is using chinuch with
tremendous hatzlochoh," observes Rav Kelemen. "It is
interesting that the people in Gaza are starving to death and
yet Arafat is pouring millions into chinuch. He spends
millions on textbooks, on training teachers, on making sure
the parents know what to tell their kids. For the past 20
years, bin Laden didn't have many weapons but he did have
some very committed followers whom he built into an entire
army that the U.S. can't defeat. The reason is, he doesn't
fight with guns, he fights with chinuch.
"It's time that we took chinuch back. It is the most
powerful method we have to make a revolution not only in our
families, not only on a communal level, but on the world
level as well."
Chinuch -- referring to practically developing a
child's spiritual awareness rather than bin Laden's
brainwashing method -- has enhanced its long-time status as a
top priority in the Torah world thanks to a dynamic new
series of workshops led by distinguished, English-speaking
rabbonim in Jerusalem. Produced by the PROJECT TVUNOT
community resource center, these workshops are a natural
follow-up to last year's well- received public lecture
series, "Chinuch: A Top Priority in Our Times."
In contrast to those lectures, which each garnered audiences
of over 300, the parenting workshops feature limited
registration (between 30-55 participants per course),
emphasis on practice rather than theory, and an open forum
for individual questions and answers.
"One of the most exciting aspects of my workshop is that it
is a purely Torah approach with no admixture of psychology,"
comments Rav Kelemen, who recently conducted a four-part
workshop for fathers only. "Parents are not used to hearing
this. Most people who give training in chinuch today
are coming from a psychological background."
In his Fathers' Workshop (mothers listened to the tapes and
were invited to a follow-up question and answer session of
their own), Rav Kelemen developed the premise that one can
resolve any chinuch challenge using three approaches:
building, planting, and tefillah. Participants
referred to these approaches again and again to resolve
educational challenges ranging from a child who misbehaves to
a child whose good behavior must be encouraged.
Feedback from participants was enthusiastic. "Rav Kelemen
presented a whole model of parenting; it wasn't a one-off
approach, but something very substantial," said a participant
from Ramat Beit Shemesh. "At the same time, it didn't involve
a lengthy time commitment. The workshop was well run, started
on time, and all in all was a great opportunity for parents
to hear a very dynamic and enjoyable speaker."
Other workshops gave parents the chance to air their own
chinuch issues as they related to the speaker's topic.
Rav Dov Brezak personally addressed 25 out of 30 individual
questions submitted during his two- part course, "Working
with Your Children and Not Against Them: Positive Approaches
to Discipline." This workshop outlined ways to get children
to cooperate rather than allow discipline to be an ongoing
struggle.
One idea that stood out was that of "positive discipline,"
which refers to giving children an incentive for doing
something versus a punishment for not doing something.
"Davening and learning aren't places for harsh
discipline, but for positive incentives," Rav Brezak
explains. "Some strategies include a point system, natural
consequences, and praise. To quote HaRav Wolbe, these and
similar ideas may be well-known but not well-practiced. The
practical application of these principles is a science unto
itself."
Rav Ephraim Becker also generated much give-and-take during
his four-part workshop "Parenting Teens," as parents explored
ways to reinterpret their teens' childlike interactions as
emerging adult interactions.
"Often parents unwittingly stifle the emerging independence
of their children," Rav Becker notes. This stems from a
tendency, when dealing with children, to "fix, solve and
save." The parent of a teen, on the other hand, must "share,
care and encourage."
The next four-part workshop, scheduled for Sunday evenings
from April 21-May 26, is "Rising to the Challenge of Teen
Parenting" by Rav Zecharya Greenwald. In preparation for this
and future workshops, Rav Greenwald, founder and director of
Me'Ohr Bais Yaakov, invested hours of research to provide
parents with all- new, non-repetitive material to better
understand and relate to adolescent children.
"These talks will be the basis for my upcoming six-tape
series on adolescents," adds Rav Greenwald, whose current 10-
tape series, "Preparing Your Child for Success," has only one
installment on teen chinuch. "This means that the
workshops are not just lectures, but cover the whole gamut of
adolescence. I've never before given such a comprehensive set
of classes on this subject."
Audience questionnaires received after the initial set of
workshops applauded PROJECT TVUNOT's new public service.
"More, please," wrote one participant. "Thanks for what we
learned. A lot to think about and do."
In addition to its workshops, PROJECT TVUNOT resumes its
public lecture series for men and women. On Tuesday evening,
April 23, Rav Noach Orlowek, and Rav Becker will speak in
Sha'arei Chesed. On Monday evening May 6, Rav Kelemen will
speak in Beit Shemesh.
For more information about upcoming workshops and lectures,
to register for a workshop, or to inquire about other
services, please call the PROJECT TVUNOT office during
morning hours at (02) 538-2736, or leave a message at (02)
537-7697.
