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8 Teves 5761 - January 3, 2001 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Home and Family
Lazy Children
by A. Ross, M.A. in Speech and Education

"Checking the crazy ones, coaxing uneasy ones

Lifting the lazy ones on with the stick..." (O' Flynn)

Our lecturers at college always stressed, "Never tell a parent that a child is stupid." You can say he's lazy, but never say he is stupid.

Not to call a child stupid is axiomatic even for parents. Obviously, teachers should not indulge in that epithet. On the other hand, with many years of teaching experience, and also having come face to face with motherhood with its accompanying trials in education, I have come to the conclusion that children are not born lazy. They may be unmotivated, tired, constitutionally inadequate, but not lazy. They may even acquire laziness later on in life, but laziness does not go with childhood.

Time and time again, parents and teachers complain that the child is plain lazy and could do much better if he tried. He probably could do better if he tried. Why is he not trying? Are we sure he is lazy? Babies are never born `lazy'. It is exhausting just to watch the amount of pushups and leg lifts and other physical maneuvers a three-month-old baby accomplishes in one hour. This laborious regime continues through the first year. How often can you see an almost crawling infant persevere till he gets a coveted article which was just out of reach? When he learns to crawl, there is no stopping him. He explores every nook and cranny, often to Mother's chagrin, keeping busy every waking minute. Eventually, he arrives at the walking stage and exhibits an amazing tenacity. He exploits his new achievement, usually to much applause. Backwards and forwards and back again. He trains like a candidate for the Olympics. There is no laziness there.

Often a parent will say, "He is too lazy to walk" about a late walker. Is he too lazy? Or is he such a proficient crawler that this mode of locomotion suits him? Or has he perhaps poor muscle tone? Or some other defect which makes movement more difficult? If I see something on the floor and do not bother to pick it up, it doesn't mean I am lazy. I may have a bad back! Or perhaps more pressing tasks for that particular moment.

There are definitely some children who are "live wires." They are always on the move. Some of them may need very little sleep. But that does not make their less active peers lazy.

As they grow older, infants display different temperaments and dispositions, many of which are in their genes, in the same way as Eisov and Yaakov did, as they matured. There are those who enjoy a physical, athletic life, and there are the book lovers. There are many who do not show any particular interest in anything. Perhaps if they hear a piece of music, it might send them into raptures. Or they may enjoy taking things apart, without the slightest thought of putting them together again, and adults are often angry with this `destructive' child. They complain that he never seems to settle down to anything, is too lazy to read, or even to enjoy a game with the others; he is simply destructive. However, many parents of a seemingly `lazy' child can point to something in which the child excels and to which he will devote hours of painstaking effort.

But what about those children who do not seem to excel in anything nor do they seem to be interested in anything? We are not discussing the children, whether diagnosed or not, who do not quite fit into the usual mold. We are speaking about the average child who sits in the classroom, not causing any trouble, but not participating in anything, either. These children never seek information nor do they trouble to answer any of the teacher's general questions. When asked directly, they usually feign ignorance. The question remains: have they become lazy?

As a student, parent and teacher, I was allergic to homework. Everyone handed in their assignment, and I had to think of many different justifications for not having done it. It was not that I was unable to do it; I just had more interesting things to do. Having said that, I can honestly say that I was far from lazy. Naturally, there were sometimes consequences, yet strangely enough, not one unpleasant after effect remains with me to this day.

Although homework is an essential tool for revising material taught, as a teacher, I hardly gave homework. Without a doubt, some children revel in the extra work at home. But then, Teacher has to mark it! There is generally enough time in the (English) school day to fit in these revision exercises. Many teachers would debate this point, and obviously disagree with me. I am just trying to cite an instance of dislike of a particular type of work which emulates laziness, but is not the real thing.

As a parent, I often helped my children with their homework. Many parents have a great deal to say on the subject! When a child does not want to do the homework, he is usually not lazy. Either he does not understand the subject matter, in which case he needs help. In my opinion, that help should come from the teacher. Or, as mentioned before, he has been at school all day and thinks he has better things to do with his free time.

So what is laziness? When a teenager stays up half the night and sleeps through the day? When a tired mother who feels she cannot cope with the never- ending work, just gives up and lives in a perpetual state of clutter and disorder? The dictionary definition of lazy is: "averse to labor, disinclined to exertion." Children are born ready to exert themselves. When do they become lazy?

The much used word `unmotivated' is more or less synonymous with uninspired, bored, unconcerned, indifferent: a theasaurus will list several more words. Some children enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles. Many children do not. Even if the puzzles are well within their ability, these children are not interested in doing them. If they are coaxed into an activity which they do not enjoy, once or twice, that is fine. If a father or mother insists that this activity is an important rudiment of the child's education, and persists in persuading him to solve puzzles, he may well be on the way to laziness. Like adults, children have preferences in their activities.

A boy I knew had little interest in academic achievements from the time he started school. Nor was he interested in sports. Although he was a popular boy, he did not participate in team games. When asked what he wanted to do with his life, he answered that he wanted to be a boss and drive a fast car. This lad had wonderful parents who handled him excellently. He was expected to conform and perform all things pertaining to mitzvos, but in other things his "laziness" was tolerated. Today he is a very successful boss, father of several children, and he does drive a fast car. He shows no sign of his erstwhile indolence.

When a child is too lazy to pick up his toys, help him. Or get others to help him. The task is daunting on its own. Admittedly, he tipped them over and will do so again, but he is not interested in a tidy room. In the same way that a young mother might take to bed with a book rather than tidy the house, she might get moving if she knew her mother-in- law was coming to visit. Or if a friend came in and suggested that they do it together.

Some people are born with more energy than others and naturally, some are more gifted than others. When things come very easily to a person, he will get on with the job and enjoy doing it. If a child grows up with a feeling of success, although it may not be success in a field of which parents approve, and providing it is not against the Torah, he might well be called lazy while at school, but he will continue to work hard in his chosen field. If we could overcome some of our prejudices, which is almost impossible in many circles, we might find that the boy or girl who was too lazy to take out the garbage, too lazy to get up in the morning, too lazy to do the dishes and even too lazy to read a book, has turned into an industrious, hard working, interesting adult!

 

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