Readers: this is YOUR Reaction to Patkin's "Journey of a
Soul", Parshas Bo
Reminder: Dov Patkin has an openline support group for
families blessed with Down's Syndrome children. His address:
Kiryat Shomrei Emunim Block 3b, Jerusalem. Tel. 02- 582-
9944, FAX 02-532-5813. Email: hermany@netvision.net.il.
Ruth Palatnik in Bnei Brak is also in contact with a large
circle of Down's families and has an extensive library of
literature on the subject of special children of all kinds.
She welcomes all calls: 03-579-4996.
*
We are continuing a letter by an anonymous (for legitimate
reasons) reader who took out the time to write her true
story. "Yes, `Virginia', people from our circles do give up
Down's children for adoption. And, yes, these children are
welcomed by missionaries, more often than we would like to
admit!"
This woman had the breadth of spirit to adopt a Down's
baby scheduled for SHMAD in addition to her own eight
children, as a gesture of gratitude to Hashem for these
eight treasures - for which she had to wait several
years.
She discovers that the ninth is a treasure, just as
well.
*
Good-bye yetzer hora [she writes, in PART TWO of her
letter, as she and her husband make their final decision].
Any family who thinks it has a guarantee on the outcome of a
`normal' child's life is completely not living in reality.
Any family that thinks having a Down's child is a curse, we
wouldn't want them [for a shidduch] either. We have
so much to be grateful for! So my husband and I decided that
come what may, we would help this little sheifala
grow up, no matter what.
We determinedly went to the hospital to pick up our new
baby. When I first looked into her crib, those precious eyes
looking blankly up, my heart overflowed with a mother's love
for her. I would, forever, as long as Hashem would let me
have her, give her all I could. She would never cry from
hunger or pain, if I could help it. We would help her to
integrate into frum society, even if that meant
waking up a lot of dull minded people. We would love and
cherish this Yiddishe neshoma Hashem had given us as
a gift; all I had to do was open my mind and heart to her.
And now - she gives us back tenfold by just being
herself.
We are now raising our beautiful Down's Syndrome child; many
of those medical problems she had have disappeared, with
care, love and prayers. O.K. -- with all her physiotherapy
and doctor appointments, my calendar looks like I'm the head
of some high tech company, I admit. But we've gotten used to
that too. She's not only NOT the monster we feared, but she
is beautiful. Her slanting eyes and tiny nose add to her
beauty and we all love kissing her pointy little tongue. It
all depends how you look at it.
When we first got her, her legs were like pencils, and her
head was all bald from behind from lying on her back all day
with no one to pick her up. At first, the children thought
she was deaf and mute because she was almost totally
apathetic to our pleas for response. But I was told she
wasn't. I realized as she slowly but surely `woke' up that
it was only from lack of love; she had given up hope to
live. At first, the children were afraid to change her
diaper; they thought her legs would crack. And my
pediatrician said, "WOW! Is she scrawny! We'll have to
fatten her up!"
I could write a daily diary filled with our growing love for
her, our concern for her health and our complete joy with
every new thing she learns. She's not deaf or dumb, but gets
more beautiful with each day. She now gurgles to the delight
of all the children. She has the most precious smile, and
just today, my big daughter asked me, "Mummy, what did we do
before we got her?"
She gets picked up at the slightest peep, even in her sleep
I have to keep them from lifting her up in the air and
dancing around with her! I can honestly say the joy that has
come into my home because of her is hard to describe. I
shudder to think of her kissing a cross instead of making a
brocha.
As I am writing this in a blur of tears, I keep thinking as
I tuck my little one in; what a pity for those families that
will not give their babies a chance, at having their
brothers and sisters love and kiss them (kids are not
prejudiced to begin with - - they pick it up), having their
parents care and protect them, like all of their other
children. I know that the mother who gives her child away
will never have a peaceful moment again.
Unfortunately, many rabbonim put the Down's child in the
same category as all mentally retarded children. This just
is not true. I am definitely not talking about any other
special child, or medical problems, or the pain and
sufferings that families with these other neshomos go
through. We know that the DS child has much to give to our
communities and much to teach our society. It is a measure
of ignorance, a lack of awareness on the part of the
individual Rov or Rebbe that Dov is trying to bring home.
His efforts on the part of all of our Down's children are to
be commended, applauded. The fact that he has opened up his
life and pain publicly shows that he, his wife and all their
children are exceptional people, wishing to bring out the
skeletons many of us are hiding. Not out of vindictiveness,
but out of a genuine concern for our abandoned children!
We believe that a Down's child has a very high
neshoma and has come here to fix a small thing.
Patkin's concern for the rights of these children to be
accepted by their biological parents comes out of the
deepest places in him; his own Down's child, Gitty, was
taken back by Hashem early in her young life, but not too
early. She was able in her short life to teach many the
meaning of true love and unconditional acceptance. Any
outrage against Dov's poem is a good start for change,
because that feeling of outrage was what I felt, too. It is
the feelings of indifference, apathy to the plight of our
abandoned Jewish Down's babies that scares me, not the
outrage. BE outraged, BE disturbed; these are good signs.
There is one birth of a DS child in every 400 births in
Jerusalem alone. Where are all these children? In our
frum communities there must be many, many children
who have been abandoned. Think for yourself. I am not
telling some fantasy story. Make your own calculations. How
many Down's kids do you know? It is terrifying to think
about.
We are the cream of Hashem's world; its princes and
princesses, its ambassadors. Could we be lacking in a
simple, basic human emotion -- love? Love for all of
Hashem's creations, unconditional love, a heart of flesh,
not stone.
I will end off with a plea -- before we make a momentous
decision in life, like buying a new home or making a
shidduch, we inspect countless details, run around
for advice and blessings, make money calculations and so on.
NO ONE makes these decisions at first sight. And when it
comes to a Down's baby being born, the family is in shock;
the mother's hormones are flying all over the place and
emotions are explosive. How can any decision be made within
that short period in the hospital - - not to take home your
child, even on trial? Is a neshoma sent from Hashem
any less important than a new home, a shidduch?
The more I hear, the more I hear. My new addition is not an
isolated event. I have not been successful in getting the
figures of how many children have been given away in Israel,
but "Down's Syndrome Among Us", a magazine published by
religious people for the religious communities, wrote that
the calculated amount of children sent to the Mormons in
Utah is approximately 700 per year! Our families!
Shocking!
This is too hot an issue to be left unresolved. This issue
is as big, if not bigger, than abortion or digging up an
ancient Jewish cemetery. This is an issue that calls for a
world-wide rally of Rabbonim, our spiritual leaders and
shepherds. This issue must be rehashed and thought out
carefully. Rabbonim must not categorically tell parents of
any/all special children not to take home their babies, and
this is what happened in the case of our adopted daughter.
Give the DS child a chance to prove himself. Truth to tell,
if all of my `normal' children had to prove their worth, we
still wouldn't have any children!
Every child has an intrinsic worth; every child deserves to
have loving parents, siblings to coddle, coo and even fight
with. Were we wondering why Moshiach isn't here yet?
I want to be loved and accepted, even though I am lacking;
aren't we all lacking? Isn't that why we are here?
I remain anonymous, but I can be contacted through Dov
Patkin.
[Footnote: Our generation has been made aware of the need
for ahavas chinom, of proper speech, of judging
favorably. Is this not a very normal extension of it? Does
it not naturally follow that if we accept people as they
are, with all their faults, Hashem will judge us, lump-sum,
even with our faults? We must learn to love Hashem's
creatures as they are, to look past the skin-deep and see
their Divine image!]
-----
This is the third appearance of Shira Shatzberg. If she
weren't living practically next door, it would be hard put
to believe she is only thirteen. Her skill is a gift from
Hashem, granted, but her maturity goes far beyond her
chronological age. This is her CHAZOKA as a full fledged
writer with so much to give us! (The only thing her editor
could improve on is occasional spelling!)
SPECIAL DELIVERY
