My mother o.b.m. always knew whom I was talking to on
the phone,
just from hearing my end of the conversation. Either it was
because
of my tone of voice or the subject of our discussion, my body
language
or how much enthusiasm I displayed to the voice on the other
end.
My Mom never had to ask, "Who is it?"
We all do this. We all speak differently and are spoken to
differently
by each person we interact with. Each relationship has its
own chemistry
and even its own language both verbal and non-verbal.
In our spiritual lives, we have the same phenomenon. We are
spoken
to both by our yetzer tov and our yetzer ra,
and we
speak to the King of kings on a daily, sometimes on-going,
basis.
I like to think that I can tell when it's the yetzer
hora talking
to me, even when he disguises himself as, what a friend of
mine terms,
"the frum yetzer hora." He tries to talk me out of
doing something for what appears to be noble reasons, as in
"You're
not on a high enough level for this..." or "You're going to
cause a chillul Hashem" in some way or another. But
there's
something in his tone that makes me aware that it's him.
Anyway, I
tell him to be quiet; I'm on the other line.
I try and converse with my yetzer hatov as much as
possible.
I try to listen to his advice and encouragement. I admit,
though,
sometimes I get confused, especially when there's a party
line and
they're both speaking to me at the same time.
Sigh!
We speak to Hashem so often that we sometimes don't pay any
attention
to what we're saying. Like a good friend whom we call several
times
a day, we sometimes let our minds wander. We know that when
we pray,
we are standing before the King of kings, but we have been
calling
the palace for so long and have had so many audiences that
we've grown
too familiar and lackadaisical.
My mother now lives in the palace. And just like when I was a
teenager,
she overhears my conversations. I would like to attain a
level of
communication with Hashem where she knows Whom I'm talking to
by my
level of reverence, my depth of feeling, my attention and
concentration,
my sincerity and my supplicating tone.
I still have to work on it. But, boruch Hashem, the
lines of
communication are always open. I know I always have a chance
to develop
my dialogue so that it reflects my unique relationship with
Hashem.
I don't always succeed at reaching an elevated level of
prayer, but
I know that while I'm trying to get it right, my mother's up
there,
putting in a good word for me.
