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26 Tishrei 5760 - October 6, 1999 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Home and Family
Keeping In Touch
by Malka Adler

A 14-year-old son's going off to yeshiva ketana is an event that evokes a myriad of emotions in his mother, all the more if he is the last son down the line. There's gratitude to Hashem that her bar-mitzva bochur has reached such an important milestone: leaving home, living in a dormitory and learning in a secluded yeshiva setting.

Gratitude is quickly followed by a vague trepidation that this cherished child is too immature for such a crucial step. These conflicting feelings are confided to the Ribono Shel Olam only, of course.

D-Day (Departure) generally proceeds as follows: Despite maternal urgings (nagging) over a period of weeks, an overwhelming number of items have been left for the eleventh hour. Things to do: Purchasing the proper gemora, new tzitzis, cleaning the Shabbos tie, taking the desperately needed haircut, scrounging around in the machsan for a presentable suitcase or totebag, no easy feat, and the trousers that need emergency alterations. He's grown, bless him.

Selection of the appropriate bed linen is performed with the fastidious discrimination of a prospective bride. This is a boy who until now has never been `color conscious.' He has been known to sleep peacefully amid 3 clashing designs on sheet, pillowcase and quilt cover. It would cause the average person multicolored dreams, or an acute case of dizziness to awaken in these psychodelic surroundings. But then again, who said he's average?

The traditional rules are unwritten and inflexible. No Yiddish Mama should attempt coming within 200 meters of the yeshiva bus, be it in the central bus station or parked on a quiet side street. Due to practical considerations, she may be permitted to reverently carry the box containing the Shabbos Hat. Handling the Hat entails talents few possess.

Goodbyes must be unemotional and brief, if public. In private, only a shade more feeling is permitted. Heartfelt blessings, however, are cheerfully accepted and amended. It's a proven fact that on the designated hour of leavetaking, a son will look at least a year younger and two years more vulnerable.

Fighting back sudden tears, she ceremoniously hands over the box. The offspring obviously has no time or patience for dramatic farewells. Since there's not even a free hand with which to wave, he nods and makes fleeting, but significant eye contact. Then the childhood that seemed to last forever is over in a moment. Bag and baggage, he's swallowed up by the crowd.

Once home, Mother gravitates towards the recently evacuated room. This will be a dramatic step in the Letting Go Process. Shocked, she stands on the threshold. How could one individual have made such a chaotic mess in so short a time? The room appears to have been tilted at an angle! Drawers are opened, their contents having obviously been inspected and discarded (along with some of the drawers, themselves). The bed and floor are barely visible under the piles of mentionables and unmentionables. The Restoration Work takes a laborious hour.

The budding talmid chochom has specifically forewarned there won't be time for phone calls until Friday. Late at night, full of plans for filling the hours until then, Mother drifts off to sleep.

At 6:30 a.m., the ringing of the phone jars her awake. A few essentials have been forgotten: toothbrush, robe, a conservative patterned pillowcase. In the last minute rush, he had packed in one decorated with large pink roses and was embarrassed to use it. As far as transporting these necessities, not to worry; his roommate will take it. In fact, he's leaving home in half an hour. Four blocks away, third floor. After a brisk walk, of which Ima didn't think she was capable, she encounters the fellow student. With a smile, he stuffs the possessions into an already bulging bag. His mother is emotionally waiting on the side, teary-eyed and heavily laden with bags. (She has not been entrusted with the hat box.)

Next evening, rather late, there is another mini-crisis. Two Shabbos shirts to Geula. And so the week goes by.

Well, he had been asked to "keep in touch."

We should only hear good news...

 

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