A Targum-Feldheim publication, 229 pages
I read the book before I met the author at the Tzefat
Writers' Conference this month. And that's why I eagerly
offered to do a review in exchange for a complimentary copy.
It's a book I'd like to own, to have around, to refer to when
occasional people come to the house asking for help in their
shidduchim.
I sat next to Tamar and in one of our exercises given by Leah
Kotkes, we were asked to interview our seatmate. It was
fascinating listening to Tamar talk about herself and about
how she decided to do a book. Tamar is involved in, oh, half
a dozen interesting ongoing and future projects and
activities, one of which involves teaching cooking to Neve
Yerusholayim students. Perhaps it was through this connection
that she got on to the fascinating stories of how
shidduchim are hatched in the least likely,
unpredictable ways and in the most marvelous fashion.
Hashgocho protis in blazing lights, in sea-splitting
magnitude.
Tamar is also a people-person, intuitively understanding,
warm, thinking and very dynamic but in a comfortable way.
Tamar gave us a workshop on the Self- Publishing Option,
about writing and producing your own book and what she
learned from her own experience.
Splitting the Sea is her first work, a compilation of
stories and articles, most of which are written up by Tamar.
It is definitely not just another book on shidduchim,
which would probably sell in any case since everyone is
interested in this subject. But, as she points out, her book
has a unique angle. It doesn't throw advice at you or tell
you not to be picky, if you happen to be that single,
unattached male or female hoping to find the Right One but
very, very discouraged by well-meaning people.
No, it doesn't tell you to be openminded, nor does it preach,
for that matter. It DOES tell you never to give up because we
are not running this world. Hashem is, and it is He Who can
split the sea for everyone when the time comes. "For some of
us, it is a very short journey and for others the journey is
long and complicated..."
The positive and hopeful tone of the book is perhaps best
expressed in the preface, which reads:
Since this book was created with singles in mind, we would
like to encourage the public to take five minutes out of
their time, right now [you, too, readers, right now, just
like I did], to say one perek of Tehillim for all
the singles who are still looking.
I have chosen one of over forty stories from halfway through
the book to give you a taste of the forthright, smooth and
interesting writing style, the approach and the strong upbeat
message which runs throughout. Theoretically, I should have
reproduced just enough to get your interest whetted, but it
is just too good and it wouldn't be fair to leave you
hanging. Just know that the rest of the book is as least as
good and punchy, real and true, encouraging, inspiring and
all the rest...
We present, "A Shadchanit Tells Her Favorite Shidduch
Story:"
I was determined not to set him up again. He had turned down
so many girls. Each time he told me I was on the right track -
- but not this one. Someone just like her, but not her.
She came from a foreign country in order to go out. With no
suggestions forthcoming, her hosts were desperate. Please,
please could I come up with somebody -- anybody -- for
her to go out with? I knew only one person who was
appropriate, but he was not suitable. But they were
desperate.
So they dated and dated and dated. After ten weeks, they
decided the relationship was not progressing. It was time for
her to go home.
Was his sigh a sigh of relief or regret?
Four weeks later he decided to fly out to visit his
grandmother. Could he see her again? Another six weeks of
dating. Again no progress. On the last date, after the usual
platitudes, he wished her a good life. But just as she was
getting out of the car, he asked her an unexpected
question.
"What would you do if I asked you to marry me?" he said.
"I would probably say yes," she answered.
"Okay, so I'm asking."
"Okay, so I say yes!"
And they lived happily every after...
Well, not yet.
He returned to his hometown to pack his belongings. He had
doubts. Every two day he called, insistent that he wanted to
break it off. I tried to calm him down, but couldn't. I told
him he would have to make the call himself, but he
couldn't.
This went on for six weeks. One afternoon, he called to say I
didn't have to worry anymore. He was going through with it,
and all would be fine. What brought about this change of
heart?
He was riding on a train. Only one other person was in the
entire car -- another frum fellow with a sefer
under his arm. They began to talk. They had much in common.
They were both older, they were both engaged, they were both
unsure.
"Why are you going through with this?" he asked his newfound
friend.
[Okay, being fair to Tamar, I WILL leave you hanging for the
clinching next two paragraphs and end the chapter with]
And then they really did live happily ever after.
*
The next entry is by Rabbi Yitzchok Berkowitz and while it
does not preach to the `single' public, it does offer very
single-friendly common sense advice.
And then there is the worst scenario for a shidduch,
which should give hope to anyone. It begins as follows:
"...I was forty years old, and I had recently been through
two major spinal surgeries and a painful divorce. I had few
job skills and was leaving my hometown... with my two teenage
children." And further down, "I was a convert, and not
everyone is willing to marry a convert, as I found out." And
believe it or not, this woman found her match!
Splitting the Sea is packed with humor and
emuna and is very entertaining, as you have seen, as
well.
A great book to read and to have and to lend out. A perfect
gift for... ANYONE.
[This book has proven to be such a success and, Boruch
Hashem, there are so many more stories to be told, that Tamar
is preparing her next work, which will focus on other angles
of Hashgocho protis in shidduchim.
The final page invites the reader: Do you have a story you
want to share with others? Stories can be about anyone and
from any age range and all walks of Jewish life. No Internet
stories, please.
Special emphasis will also be given to stories involving
medical issues in shidduchim and how the couple
overcame them while dating and getting engaged -- and also
divorce, widowhood, and remarriage articles. So write, write,
write, and let us see your story. Send your story to Tamar
Ansh, teawriter@yahoo.com. Or call 02-651-0391.]
