Opinion & Comment
Sharing Pain: Visiting the Sick and Mourners on Shabbos

Feeling for Others

I once had to discuss a very distressful situation with HaRav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt"l. With a heavy heart, I entered his small office, and poured out my problem to him. When I asked him what he thought I should do he said he had absolutely no idea, but with tears in his eyes he remarked that he felt for my situation tremendously. Although I walked away without an answer to my dilemma, I was so moved by his concern that I was able to muster up the strength to deal with this particular problem without finding a direct solution.

Every member of Klal Yisroel is meant to care about his fellow Jew with the same intensity as HaRav Shlomo Zalman expressed. For this reason, our Sages found it difficult to permit visiting the sick or mourners on Shabbos (Shabbos 12b). Just seeing one's friend in such a state of sorrow, should make such a deep impression that one should be brought to tears and prayer. Shabbos is characterized as a day of joy and tranquility, and one should do whatever he can to stay away from such experiences.

However, since visiting the sick and mourners are tremendous acts of kindness, the halochoh permits one to go on Shabbos with a few minor adaptations. The poskim warn though that one should not "leave over" these mitzvos for Shabbos. Only in special situations, where circumstances prevented one from doing these mitzvos during the week, or if one feels that visiting a second time on Shabbos would have positive results, are they permitted on Shabbos (Biyur halochoh 287).

Greeting the Sick

Bikur Cholim has a dual nature which makes it a very difficult mitzvah to fulfill properly. On one hand, a person is meant to experience pain about the illness of the sick person in front of him, and use this feeling as an impetus to pray for his recovery.

For this reason, our Sages advised us not to visit in the morning when the patient might look refreshed from a night of sleep, giving an overly positive picture of his state of health. Alternatively, one should not visit the sick person at night when the sick person might look very ill, and thereby an overly bleak impression of the situation might be formed. The best time to visit is midday in order to put oneself in touch with the true state of the choleh, and to pray for his complete recovery.

Feeling for the sick person requires the visitor to put himself in the shoes of the patient and to share his pain. Another aspect of bikur cholim is to calm the sick person, and assuage the distress he feels. In order to do this, the visitor must try to help the patient focus on the positive and forget about his unpleasant state.

In this light, the way that the visitor greets the choleh is of the utmost importance. During the rest of the week, one has an unlimited choice of available words and, according to his command of language, he can say whatever he wants to accomplish this end. However, on Shabbos the nature of the day limits the choice of words that one may use. For this reason, our Sages established that when visiting a sick person on Shabbos one should say "Shabbos hee miliz'ok urefuah krovoh lovo" (It is Shabbos and we do not cry [for help but nonetheless] a cure will come quickly). [Shabbos 12a]

The gemora records that Shevna of Yerushalayim differed slightly on his perspective of the phrasing. He ruled that aside from advising the sick person how to act, he should also offer him some words of consolation and conclude saying "verachamov merubim veshabato lesholom" (Hashem's mercy is great, and you should rest peacefully on Shabbos). [Shabbos 12b]

The poskim leave us somewhat confused regarding the exact wording that one should use. In the halachos of visiting the sick (Yoreh Deah 335,6), the Shulchan Oruch cites the short version, while in halachos of Shabbos (Orach Chaim 287) the Shulchan Oruch cites the longer version. The poskim explain that the Shulchan Oruch is alluding to the fact that either version is acceptable (Elya Raba 287).

The Ashkenazi poskim are divided regarding the exact halochoh. Some write that the shorter version is correct (Rema, Orach Chaim 287) while others rule that one should say the long version (Shach, Bach, Yoreh Deah 335,5). In most communities the custom is to use the shorter version (Levush, Oruch HaShulchan, Shoneh Halachos).

Shabbos Mourning

When one goes to visit a mourner on Shabbos he should say "Shabbos hee milenachem, venachomoh krovoh lovo" (It is Shabbos and we do not console, and consolation will come quickly). However, some have the custom to say HaMokom yenachemcho, just as one says to the mourners during the week (Mishnah Berurah 287,3; Graz 287,2). Each person should find out his local custom before visiting a mourner on Shabbos. In some communities the custom is that only very close family and friends visit a mourner on Shabbos.

The Arizal was known for his exalted level of piety and holiness, especially with regard to the sanctity of the Sabbath. On erev Shabbos, he would go out into the field to recite Kabolas Shabbos -- to greet Shabbos as if he was expecting a royal visitor. When he was in mourning he refrained from this practice since, until he actually accepted the Shabbos, he was still in a state of mourning.

Some poskim write that when the mourner enters the shul before Shabbos, the shamash should announce "Tzei neged ho'ovel" (Go before the mourner). In other places the shamash or gabbai announces: "Nichum aveilim" or "Likras oveil." If the congregation has already recited Mizmor Shir and accepted Shabbos upon themselves, these statements should not be announced. Since it is already Shabbos, this is considered an act of public mourning. However, each individual may approach the mourner privately and offer his consolation (Pri Megodim 287).

The Rema mentions a custom that a mourner should change his normal place in shul. In doing so, the mourner shows recognition of the complete dominance of Hashem as a result of the death that transpired (Shulchan Shlomo 287).

Should a person change his place in shul on Shabbos? The Arizal held that this is a sign of public mourning, and it is therefore forbidden on Shabbos (Kaf HaChaim 287,8). HaRav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach suggests that the mourner should come to shul early on Shabbos day, before a crowd arrives. In doing so his act will not be considered an act of public mourning on Shabbos (Shulchan Shlomo 287,2). Most poskim contend that this is permitted, since most people occasionally change their seats.

Distressing News

Beis Shamai forbade visiting the sick or mourners on Shabbos, because of the pain that this will inevitably cause. Even though Beis Hillel permitted this, it was only with great difficulty that they did so. Because of the pain that this could cause, one should make sure not to put off a visit until Shabbos unless there is absolutely no way to pay a visit during the week (Shaarei Teshuvoh 287).

The poskim note that one must be careful not to say something that could cause distress in other circumstances as well. Therefore one should not relay bad news for the first time on Shabbos (Sefer Chassidim 110; Kaf HaChaim 287,5). Similarly any conversation which could cause distress should be avoided on Shabbos (Mogen Avrohom 307,1).

Shabbos Tranquility

The poskim note that the change of phrasing is not limited to greeting the sick and mourners. When the Mi shebeirach is recited in shul, one should also say "Shabbos hee miliz'ok urefu'oh krovoh lovo" (Graz 287,2).

We understand why we cannot pray for the sick when we visit them, for this could arouse pain. Why can't we pray for the ill in shul, where they are not standing before us? We may suggest that our level of empathy for the sick is supposed to be so great that hearing that any Jew is in need of healing should cause us sadness. Therefore in all circumstances we must change the wording.

One may pray for a person who is so ill that his life is endangered (Orach Chaim 288). Nonetheless even in such dire circumstances one should be careful not to become overly distressed on Shabbos. Therefore even though a tefilloh recited in front of a sick person is usually more effective, on Shabbos this should be avoided for this arouses additional pain (Tehillah LeDovid 287).

Shabbos Healing

One question remains. The wording that we say to a choleh on Shabbos -- It is Shabbos and we do not cry [for help but nonetheless] a cure will come quickly -- implies that ceasing from calling out to Hashem for a cure will somehow help him recuperate. How does this work?

Shabbos is compared to the World to Come and to the giving of Torah on Har Sinai (see Siddur HaGra). Olom Habo is a completely spiritual domain and sickness is not possible there. At the giving of the Torah all the sick were healed, and even the blind were given their eyesight back.

On Shabbos we enter a similar state. The ultimate way to express this belief is by simply not praying for a recovery on Shabbos. Unless we are dealing with a case of life- threatening sickness, stopping our prayers is a sign that we truly believe that we have entered this new realm.

If we are able to connect to the holiness of Shabbos, we will merit the side benefit of complete healing. Therefore we say "It is Shabbos and we do not cry [for help but nonetheless] a cure will come quickly," showing that we believe in the curing powers of Shabbos.

In the merit of sanctifying Shabbos, may we be spared from all sickness and mourning, so that there will be no need to fulfill the mitzvah of bikur cholim or nichum aveilim on Shabbos or during the rest of the week.

All material on this site is copyrighted and its use is restricted.
Click here for conditions of use.