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6 Ellul 5766 - August 30, 2006 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Home and Family

The Written Word
by R. Chadshai

The art of writing is in danger of becoming obsolete. Nevertheless, there are many occasions when a short note is a very useful channel of communication. Obviously, there is the ubiquitous email, but not yet everyone has access to it and furthermore, a written note may achieve its aim more readily.

There are those who do not express themselves easily, or clearly, in times of stress or crises. They always wish they had thought of saying something else at the appropriate time. A well thought out letter will serve his purpose splendidly. When two people have had a strong disagreement and neither can bring himself to back down, a small note often works wonders. Moreover, there is therapy through writing; when severely traumatized people are encouraged to write letters, even to those who are no longer alive. This therapy really does work.

For example, Chana had worked herself up to a responsible position but felt that the terms of employment were not quite fair. Every time she plucked up enough courage to speak to her boss, something happened to prevent her from doing so. In truth, she became nervous and tongue-tied just at the thought of voicing her grievances. Eventually, she decided to put it all down on paper. On paper she could revise, edit, change, make sure that each word was respectful and that there were no double meanings. After reading through the final draft, in order to make sure that the letter was respectful enough and that she had not omitted a single point, she laid it on the boss's desk. The boss saw it in the morning, before her employee arrived. At first, she was annoyed at the numerous demands, but on second thought, after she had read it again, she realized how respectful and polite the letter was, and that Chana's requests were justified.

Communication between parents and teenagers is frequently very difficult, indeed. In this case, a note left on the child's pillow expressing love and support can work wonders. Alternatively, shamefaced teenagers might employ the same tactic in order to apologize for some outrageous behavior. It is a fact that fifteen years on, many teenagers have totally forgotten that they ever behaved in an unreasonable way. But they will keep these notes and read them repeatedly.

A young couple went to live abroad, and as the year wore on, the wife became increasingly tense and irritable. The problem, of which her husband was unaware, was utterly trivial, but to her, when she cleaned up the small flat after he had gone to kollel, it was huge, major. She was advised to write a letter, being careful to avoid any aggression. The contents of the letter? 'Darling, I know it is a small thing, but for me it is gaining larger and larger proportions. I do not like picking your socks off the floor. Nor your shirts or ties, or anything else. Please would you put them in the laundry hamper, each day? I love you.' He hardly ever forgot after that and, as far as I know, they lived 'happily ever after.'

The written word can 'let off steam.' As in therapy through writing, a letter does not have to be sent to achieve its purpose. That is the advantage of a personal diary: it can be the recipient of all your confidential and innermost feelings; you can get it all off your chest, without hurting anyone's feelings. Moreover, you are convinced that the diary will never betray your confidence. A diary with a lock is a wonderful present for a young girl who has a bent for writing. It will not argue or criticize; it will understand her, and absorb all her worries during this turbulent time in her life. However, a really disturbed person will need a human confidant, besides his diary, to listen to his problems and help him solve them.

An experienced teacher of fourteen-year-old girls says that she insists on weekly written communication with the parents, in the same way as they did in Grade 1. She will not accept verbal excuses, or those written on little scraps of paper. They have to be written in the communication diary. In this way, the girl will not be able to deny that she missed twenty- four sessions that term, and was late sixteen times. Secondly, she feels that the good girls benefit greatly from the words of praise either she, the teacher, or the mother, writes in the diary. Furthermore, if there is little progress one term, the girl has only to leaf through her diary to become aware of the lower standard.

This teacher distributed sheets of blank paper to the class one day, and instructed them to write two good features or characteristics about each girl. At the end of the lesson, each girl received a sheaf of papers, listing her good qualities. One girl who must have read and reread the remarks about herself, became wonderfully positive and confident; her marks improved, and she was a changed person.

If small children are encouraged to write regularly, it will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives. There are still families who write weekly letters to grandparents who live in a different country. Their writing skills improve tremendously, and the grandparents are up to date with the children's daily lives. They learn when a child loses a tooth, when he gets a good mark in a test, and even when he falls and grazes his knee. Other children keep the same contact with grandparents by telephone, but it does not make the same impression. Letters can be read and read again, and even filed by some doting grandparents.

I will end this short article with a verbatim quote of a letter which a child left on her mother's pillow. This child of eight has already perfected the art of written communication. . .Can any mother refuse this request, sandwiched between two compliments? "Dear Mummy, I love you with all my hart and so. (presumably soul) Please will you buy me a new dress like all the other girls then I will not be embarrassed. Thank you for making us such nice dinners every day."

 

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