Rosh Hashono evening, 2004. The yeshiva is packed. Hundreds
of students and other visitors are sitting in their seats,
waiting for the sholiach tzibbur to start the tune
that will begin the evening prayers for the Days of Awe.
On one of the back benches is a young man with five children
sitting next to him, quietly. They have siddurim in
their hands and they are looking excited and happy. Somone
looking on would think this is a proud father and his
children, but Malka Yarom from BEIT TIKVAT EM HABANIM SMECHA
can tell us the tragedies and history that are behind each
child — none of them related — sitting on the
bench.
"I have been with `my children' for eight years, now," says
Malka, as she points to photo albums full of pictures of
families, whose members are of all ages, all different types,
joined together by the fact that... their father is absent
from the picture.
MY CHILDREN is the title of the interesting life story of the
enormous project that materialized before the very eyes of
amazed rabbonim and charity trustees. They see hundreds of
abused families and suffering children who need love and
support to begin their lives again.
The journey began as a group trip on Chol Hamoed of Succot,
1994, for seven families without fathers. It was the first
trip of going out just for the fun of it, the first trip in
years for these children. Word of the upcoming outing spread
from mouth to mouth and many families in a similar situation
wanted to join, too.
Within three years, the number reached a hundred families,
all coming together on various occasions for support and
solidarity.
"During the summer vacation of 1997, we traveled together for
a two day trip to Tzfas," says Batya, a volunteer at the
organization. "I don't want to describe how we slept on
mattresses on the floor and what we ate. No one had the money
for a proper vacation. But the atmosphere was one of extreme
happiness and joy. Suddenly, children found friends in the
same predicament, with similar backgrounds — no father.
This was a discovery that changed their lives. From then on,
they were no longer unusual and pitiful, but belonged to a
family framework that was just a little bit different.
"When we arrived in Tzfas, we were told that the
tzaddik Rabbi Kreiswirth zt'l was spending some
time in the city. He was known as the Father of Orphans, and
these families are very special to him. We waited for him
near the shul the next morning and asked him to come
to us and give a talk to the mothers. At four in the
afternoon, all the women gathered in the courtyard and he
spoke words of encouragement and praise. He made the women
feel very good, and the children received his heartwarming
smiles and a fervent blessing. When he left, he turned to us,
the organizers, and expressed his amazement. His words have
continued to encourage us to continue on."
"It was only afterwards that the real problems began," Malka
Yarom tells us. "There were long discussions throughout much
of Friday night, and later, phone calls from those mothers
asking for help. They felt for the first time that there was
an ear to listen to their problems, someone to empathize and
understand how they felt.
"We started to hear about Shabbos meals accompanied by tears,
and children sitting in class, feeling ignored, and reliving
their dream holidays that were once a source of happiness,
now turned into days of mourning and depression. From this,
we understood that what we needed to do — what no one
else had done until then, was to go into people's homes, sit
with the whole family and help them rebuild their lives!
"The goal seemed very difficult and may people cautioned us
not to be disappointed if we were not successful. But the
real sadness we saw in front of our eyes and the outstretched
hand begging for help would not allow us to ignore them.
"In the beginning, we helped only a few famiies. We spoke to
the rebbes in cheder and the teachers in school. We
explained the difficult situation to them and asked for more
sympathy and support for the children. We took the mother
away for a refreshing break and within a short time, the home
atmosphere became pleasanter. Suddenly, there was an
occasional cake in the oven and the children were more
relaxed. The family continued on from strength to strength.
Life was still difficult, but they were coping."
The first difficulty encountered was at Yom Tov time: when
every Jew gets a spiritual boost, a recharging to enable him
to function better in the upcoming year, these families
experienced days of sadness. The women told us about Rosh
Hashono without prayers, without festive meals. "Who will
conduct the table and lead the family in the `yehi
rotzon' for all the traditional foods eaten on Rosh
Hashono? Who will take my children to shul to hear the
shofar? Who will arrange for the boys to get an
aliya on Simchas Torah?"
The first push we received was from Rabbi Michel Gutfarb
zt'l, the famous charity treasurer of Jerusalem. He
called us in Elul 1999 and told us to go ahead and arrange
for families to spend Rosh Hashono together. This was not an
easy project to undertake. We had to find a place with a good
supervision, buy seats in various shuls for the women,
find babysitters to look after the small children so that the
mothers could attend shul, find men to take the boys
along. The cost of the entire project was financed by R'
Michel.
The rest followed rapidly. On Simchas Torah, Seder night and
on Shavuos many more families were privileged to return to
the uplifting and sanctified atmosphere of the festivals.
"They and us are like one big happy family," says Malka. "We
sang, spoke divrei Torah, the children played
together, we learned Shavuos night, danced on Simchas
Torah..."
The next phase was to meet the upcoming generation and to
encourage the children in their trying times. The situation
we saw was a difficult one. The teachers and rebbes didn't
even know there was no father around and that there were
problems in the home. Why doesn't the child bring a note to
class on Sundays from his father? Because he hasn't seen him
for a year! Separation of friends and the children closing
into their shells has, in many cases, brought the children to
emotional problems and difficulties in classroom work. It was
clear to us that a very worthwhile lifetime project would be
to help these children professionally. That is how we met
Rabbi Yisroel Avraham, a professional, experienced
educational advisor.
"Our motto," says R' Yisroel, "is Attention and Empathy. Our
counsellors try to help and understand the children. They get
children who have gone through difficulties and
disappointments, who desperately need an understanding heart
and a listening ear, to the point where they can discuss
their feelings openly and get encouragement to continue."
Counsellors are encouraged not only to actually study with
the child but also to go on outings, play, talk and invite
the child to their home for Shabbos meals as often as twice a
month. The counsellor gets a personal work program that
includes all the problems that must be dealt with involving
the particular child. They receive guidance if any unusual
problems arise.
"The results speak for themselves," says Malka Yarom. "At
every bar mitzva celebrated with a child from the counsellors
program, we see the counsellor sitting at the main table next
to the grandfathers and rabbonim. The counsellor for the
girls accompanies each one on her first day in high school
and joins in for birthday parties. They simply become part of
the family.'
With time, many have come to recognize the importance of this
project, including principals of schools and chadorim,
the Jerusalem municipal department of chareidi
education and others. Many children are referred to us for
help. Mothers also attend workshops to help them function on
a higher level.
"The counsellors see to it that families are placed for
festivals and inform us of upcoming simchas. We even
cater bar mitzvas, through volunteer help, and provide
shadchonim for children of marriageable age.
"The many people involved in our organization feel that they
are dealing with the beloved children of Hashem. He is the
Father of Orphans and He helps at every step of the way. As
Rabbi Yisroel Gans, spiritual leader of the organization,
notes, miracles are part of our everyday experiences.
Malka enthusiastically welcomes volunteers to the
organization. There are still many families waiting to join
the circle. For more information, visit Beit Tikvot —
Em Habanim Smecha at 24a Kanfei Nesharim, Jerusalem, or call
02- 6517221 or email: emhabanim@012.net.il
