A young husband comes home on Motzaei Shabbos and not
surprisingly, sees his wife in the kitchen. "Let's go and
visit my parents," he suggests.
"And who's going to clean up here?"
"I really don't know. But first of all, the dishes won't run
away. Secondly, there are plenty of families who seem to
manage to go out together and they still leave a tidy home
before they go. Besides which, you are always cleaning and
scrubbing; you don't have to be a slave to the kitchen. It's
clean enough."
The following week, straight after havdola, the wife
washed the dishes and the children's faces, and told her
husband she was ready to go out. She knew she had left a mess
but as her husband had said, the work wasn't going to run
away. Her husband, on his part, was pleased, congratulating
himself on releasing his wife from unnecessary labor. When
they came home and the children were in bed, he looked around
and commented, "The place doesn't look like it usually does,
fresh and sparkling. What happened?"
*
Rina was exhausted. Somehow, her fatigue had built up over a
few days. She decided to make it an early night and by ten
thirty, she was fast asleep. Around midnight, the strident
ringing of the telephone woke her. "What nerve," was her
first thought, as she debated whether to pick it up or not.
"Who on earth would ring at this unearthly hour?" Then she
thought that perhaps someone wanted to impart some good news
or, G-d forbid, there might be some family emergency or a
friend might need her urgently. She picked up the receiver
while half asleep. It was a neighbor to ask whether she could
leave the baby with her in the morning. Rina agreed
grudgingly and slammed down the receiver, thinking, "Couldn't
she have waited to ask me in the morning? Did she really have
to wake me up to ask such a thing?"
The following evening, after finishing the dishes and before
sitting down to prepare her lessons for the next day, she
suddenly remembered that the secretary at school had dropped
a hint that there were going to be cutbacks in the school's
budget. This meant that some teachers were going to be laid
off and others would be teaching fewer hours. It was a really
worrying thought, so she decided to ring her friend who had
pull in the right places. Her husband looked up from his
gemora for a moment.
"Isn't it a bit late to ring someone? It's almost midnight,"
he said mildly. "They might be asleep."
"Nobody goes to sleep so early," she replied, "especially
when they're talking about cutbacks amongst the teaching
staff." Her husband shrugged his shoulders and returned to
his study. After the phone call, she remarked to her husband,
"I really don't know why she sounded so vague at first, and
then really quite annoyed. After all, I was not asking for a
personal favor, I was just speaking generally."
*
Hadassah was a young teacher, yet parents depended on her and
followed her advice blindly. She showed them the right way to
treat their daughters. She explained to them that teenagers
were very sensitive and their self esteem needed boosting.
Moreover, she advised them where to give in occasionally and
when to turn a blind eye.
She got married and had children of her own who, in turn,
became teenagers. One day she confessed to the principal that
she just couldn't control her two oldest children. She didn't
understand them and she was at her wits' end. The principal
was astounded. This gifted, experienced teacher who had been
a role model to the girls and their parents for all these
years was now admitting to being unable to control her own
children?
"Well, you see, it is so much easier to give advice to other
people when you are not emotionally involved. Make no
mistake, I gave them good advice throughout all these years.
However, I never thought of applying this same advice to my
own family, or to put it into practice. I've lost the oldest
boy and my second, a girl, does exactly as she pleases. I
don't sleep at night, with worry."
"Life and death are in the power of the tongue." Life and
death of what? In Behar we are told twice not to use
extortion. Once the command seems to be in the wrong place:
not to use extortion when selling an article. The Dubno
Maggid gives a parable about selling an item. Let's call it a
bike, for a modern context. When a person is trying to sell a
used bicycle, he will extol all of its virtues so as to get
the highest price. New tires, excellent saddle, 15 gears and
so on. The prospective purchaser will look at the same bike
and find a dozen faults. The paint work is rusty, poor
brakes, dilapidated seat, a sagging chain. Later on, when the
purchaser wants to resell the bike, he doesn't see any faults
in it, anymore.
The life and death of an article lie in the power of the
tongue. We must try to keep the same set of values for
ourselves as we expect from others.
