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Home
and Family
Where's My Child?
by A. Ross, M.Ed
There are many easy-going, placid parents who can control a
dozen children without losing their cool. If a child falls,
they pick him up, or even call to him to get up, and kiss the
hurt all-better. If a child wants to go out in the rain
without a raincoat, they say, "Let him go. He'll soon come
home when he feels wet." The same applies to a sweater you
want him to wear. He'll put one on when he feels like it. If
the child refuses to eat, their reply is that he will eat
when he is hungry. However, there is one thing that alarms
even the most unruffled parent. If a child gets lost. One
minute he is there, the next minute he is not.
It is terribly easy, and very common, for a child to
disappear for a few moments. Children under three cannot be
prepared in advance. They need watching constantly and are
best kept in a stroller while the mother is shopping. At the
beach, that rather defeats the purpose of the trip. Water and
sand are [therapeutic] paradise for children of all ages.
However, someone has to keep an eye on the child every single
minute. In the same vein, a toddler is in his element with
the wide stretches of grass and the feeling of freedom in a
park or public playground. Nevertheless, he must be under
supervision while he is enjoying his freedom.
Four- and five-year-old children can already be taught their
telephone number and home address. They can also usually tell
people their name and surname even by three. This age group
and older children, too, have to be taught that they may
never go with strangers! However nice and kind the strangers
are, children unfortunately have to learn that they may never
let themselves be persuaded to go with them. As a last
resort, an older child can be taught that he should ask a
woman who is with a child/ren of her own, for help. Explain
to them that they may turn to a policeman or policewoman for
help, or to any security guard in a shop. But you will have
to show them what the security guard looks like! In a small
community, all children from a very young age know how to
identify a Jew. In Israel, this is more problematic.
The best precaution is to tell the child, whatever age he is,
to stand still. Stay in the exact place where you first knew
you were lost. Practice at home with the children; you can
make it into a game. Like the game `statues,' where children
have to stand immobile for however long they can manage.
Finally, assure the children that you will always come back
for them. That applies to a large shop or shopping mall.
What about the beach? The first warning is that no child may
EVER go near the water without express permission. If they
want to swim, it MUST be in the company of an adult. Show
them some sort of landmark where you are all sitting, and
also take the precaution of showing them the lifeguard's hut.
Show them what you mean by keeping eye contact all the time.
After saying all this, it still only takes one second to lose
your sense of direction on a crowded beach.
So what can a panic stricken mother do? It is no use telling
her to keep calm. It is one of the most frightening things
that can happen to a mother, or a grandmother, come to that.
In a shopping mall, turn to the nearest security personnel
immediately, and then go back to the place where you first
noticed that the child was missing. It is better to feel a
fool if you find him straight away, than to have wasted
precious time.
Don't be ashamed to ask fellow shoppers for help, too.
Describe the child and tell them what he is wearing. Ask for
someone to call the child's name out on the Public Address
system.
Finally, children have a very different perspective from
ours. When a policewoman once berated a young daughter of
mine for walking away from me and getting lost, she calmly
replied, "I didn't get lost. SHE did." May Hashem help us
look after our children and keep them safe from all harm.
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