Part I
"Mazel tov!" everyone says when your daughter reaches her
bas mitzva. What makes this simcha so
special?
Reaching the age of responsibility means more than maturity;
it means that one's life has achieved real significance,
according to R' Yaakov Weinberg zt'l. Since the
performance of mitzvos brings blessing to mankind, and
aveiros do the opposite, the moral choices one makes
after Bar or Bas Mitzva can literally make or break the
destiny of the world. We rejoice at this occasion because
taking responsibilty for our behavior implies that everything
we do truly matters -- to Hashem, to our fellow man and to
ourselves.
Nowadays, families commemorate the milestone in different
ways. A girl, who will express her individuality in home and
family life, usually commemorates her Bas Mitzva in a quiet,
home- based affair.
This year, one of my neighbors found herself thinking more
deeply about the difference between Bar and Bas Mitzva
celebrations and the messages they impart to our children.
Mrs. T's eldest son and daughter were born thirteen months
apart, so her daughter's Bas Mitzva would fall one month
after her son's Bar Mitzvah.
How would her daughter feel a month later with a small family
dinner and a birthday cake, compared to the more extensive,
public celebrations of her brother's Bar Mitzvah only a month
previously?
"It was important to my daughter to share the celebration
with her friends from class, but we didn't want it to be just
a party," Mrs. T. says. "I also wanted to impress on her the
fact that she'd reached an age of responsibility in her
obligation and commitment to mitzvos."
What evolved was an inspiring and memorable tribute to
women's special mitzva of hafroshas challa. Mrs. T.
arranged for the well-known Ratzon sisters, who lecture
throughout Eretz Yisroel, to present a ninety- minute
shiur in her home for mothers and daughters alike. In
their entertaining and inspirational way, the sisters
discussed the meaning of hafroshas challa and
demonstrated unusual challa braiding techniques.
The Bas Mitzva girl, together with forty of her classmates
and friends, and twelve of Mrs. T.'s own friends, raptly
absorbed the sisters' obvious love for this women's mitzva.
Each attendee also received a laminated card depicting the
brochos, kavonos and sample braiding techniques,
affixed with a sticker identifying it as a memento from the
Bas Mitzva.
"Over the next few months, many mothers told me that the
first thing their daughters wanted to do when their Bas
Mitzva arrived was to take challa with a
brocha." Mrs. T. adds, "And many of my friends say
they're now making challa in large enough quantities
every week to separate challa with a brocha,
too."
Here are other ideas Jerusalem mothers have used to make
their daughters' Bas Mitzvas more meaningful:
A TIME FOR MOTHER-DAUGHTER CLOSENESS
A festive melave malka for female family only
(sisters, aunts, cousins and grandmothers) is how Mrs. M.
commemorates each of her daughters' Bas Mitzvos. She
schedules the celebration for the motzaei Shabbos
following the girl's birthday.
Mrs. M. then turns the whole week before into a special time
for mother-daughter closeness. The kitchen is off- limits to
everyone else as the two prepare the melave malka
menu. Mrs. M. shares her love for the mitzva of hachnossas
orchim and her flair for dessert making with her daughter
as they produce fancy cookies, unusual pastries and petit
fours.
On or after her daughter's birthday, the two also prepare a
large batch of challa dough. Mrs. M. watches with
pride as her daughter takes challa with a
brocha for the first time. The loaves of challa
from that brocha will be served at each Shabbos meal,
drawing the rest of the family into an appreciation of the
true significance of their sister's Bas Mitzva.
[We wanted to stretch out this lovely article and are saving
the second half for next week.]
