Dei'ah veDibur - Information & Insight
  

A Window into the Chareidi World

29 Adar 5762 - March 13, 2002 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
NEWS

OPINION
& COMMENT

OBSERVATIONS

HOME
& FAMILY

IN-DEPTH
FEATURES

VAAD HORABBONIM HAOLAMI LEINYONEI GIYUR

TOPICS IN THE NEWS

HOMEPAGE

 

Produced and housed by
Shema Yisrael Torah Network
Shema Yisrael Torah Network

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home and Family
The Intense Child
by Masha Wolf, M.A.

Most children have times when they become emotionally or physically highly charged, but some children are `intense' by nature. "Intensity," according to M. Kurcinca, author of Raising Your Spirited Child, "includes strong emotional reactions as well as an over- abundance of uncontrolled physical energy." This may include loud emotional reactions to many situations. Children can be taught to recognize and deal with their intensity with help from their parents.

To help children tone down their intense behavior, first recognize the cues that indicate its onset, says Kurcinca.

A parent who recognizes his child's building intensity can take preventive measures to calm him. Some cues that might indicate growing intensity are: limit testing, intensified volume, becoming argumentative, becoming fussy or irritable and becoming more physically active.

A child who is intense by nature should learn to view himself positively. Negative labels such as aggressive, loud, moody or hyper can be replaced with positive ones. A child who sees himself as enthusiastic, expressive, dramatic or full of energy will have a healthy self-image and will demonstrate more socially acceptable behavior than a child who views himself negatively.

An intense child can be taught to recognize the signs of his growing intensity, according to Kurcinca. A parent who uses words to label his child's feelings will teach the child to recognize and label his own emotions before things get out of control. A child who can express his emotions is less likely to resort to aggression. Some examples include: I'm feeling edgy. / I feel like I need to get out. / My muscles feel tight. / I'm so frustrated. / I'm losing control. / I feel a buzzing all over -- like electricity.

Teach children to recognize rising energy through a game. Choose three songs that your child likes. The first song should be slow, relaxing music. The second song should be medium tempo and the third, loud, intense music. Have your child move with the music, either dancing, walking or running in time with the song. After each song, ask the child to describe in words how his body felt. Later, you can tell your child which activity level you would like him to be at. He can also describe his feelings using the words he learned in the game to express himself and prevent conflict.

A child whose intensity is rising needs activities that will soothe and calm him. Repetitive motions such as movement of the jaw are very soothing. Repetitive motion activities would include swinging, rocking, jumping rope, drinking from a straw, chewing gum or sucking on a candy. This is why babies suck hard on a pacifier when they are beginning to fret.

Sensory activities are also soothing. These would include water and sand play, or clay and play dough. Stretching and pounding clay, play dough or real dough allows a child to release tension and calm down. Taking a bath calms many children.

Quiet activities can also help reduce intensity. Read to your child, tell him a story with the lights dimmed or draw a calming scene to help him change gears from Activity Level 3 to Activity Level 1. Some children like to read independently to calm themselves down.

A Relaxation Kit can be prepared and stored away when intensity levels start to rise. You can ask your child what to include in this special kit to help him lower his intensity level. Some suggestions are: a relaxing tape, a soothing picture such as a scenic Swiss mountain scene, some games to be played alone, a jigsaw puzzle or a booklet of paper activities like follow-the-dots and mazes, even drawing. If your relaxation kit is enticing, your child will look forward to using it.

Relaxation is an excellent tool for a child whose intensity level is building up. Teach your child deep breathing with bubble blowing. Have him take a big breath and, exhaling slowly, see how big a bubble he can blow. You can also teach your child to imagine he is a big balloon. When he inhales, the balloon fills with air; when he exhales, the air slowly seeps out. A hand on the stomach will determine if the breathing is being done correctly.

Help your child relax his muscles by tensing one muscle group at a time, then relaxing them: i.e. face muscles, right arm, then left arm, a deep breath, then stomach muscles, then right leg and left leg. Have him go through the muscle groups several times. Calming music helps the relaxation process. Enlist your child's help in the relaxation process. Ask him if there is a place he has been to or seen pictures of which calms him down. After he has relaxed his muscles, have him close his eyes and take him on a pretended tour of his choice. Begin a tour as your child gets on the bus or in the car, and describe what he sees along the way. Then describe what he sees when he arrives, and finally, describe his trip home. While he's there, remind him of all the wonderful mitzvos he has done lately and allow him to feel proud of himself.

You and your child can use any image or metaphor to help him calm down. He may imagine he is a piece of popcorn bouncing around and then settling down after it is cooked, or a snowflake blowing in the wind and finally settling down. Have your child act out the image.

There are several games to be used when a child becomes overactive. When your child is calm, ask him to make believe he has several pretend buttons on his body that can help him to calm down. Ask him to locate the voice control button, the speed button and the power button. Practice lowering the volume with your child, using the speed button, have your child move in slow motion. The power button can be used for a temporary shut down of electricity. Another idea is to have two power control buttons, one to control the body and another to control the brain. You can ask your child to shut down his body and power up his brain. This will allow him time to think of a constructive way to calm and soothe himself.

Once you have practiced these games with your child, you can try to use them when energy levels become high. Make sure to keep your sense of humor and make it fun for your child to use the techniques.

Masha Wolf is available for child therapy, play therapy, group therapy and consultations with parents and schools. 02-656-2172.

 

All material on this site is copyrighted and its use is restricted.
Click here for conditions of use.