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25 Sivan 5762 - June 5, 2002 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Home and Family
PREPARING FOR THE FUTURE
Keeping Cool

by R' Zvi Zobin

Are you cool? Perhaps you are chilled. You might even be a real hood.

Fifty years ago, they called it `being hip.' Twenty years later, the `in thing' was to be `with it.' Perhaps, by the time this article is printed, there might be a new cliche to express someone's being a member of the `elite,' leading, trendsetting part of society -- or perhaps it might be more accurate to say the group of people who imagine that they are the elite, leading, trendsetting part of society.

A `cool guy' will dress a certain way, walk with a certain swagger, use certain catch phrases when he talks, eat certain foods and drink certain drinks and frequent certain parts of town. He will imagine that he really likes it that way. He will insist that he is really enjoying life and that everyone else is missing out on life -- that he is really living. And he will assert that he is really being `himself' even though he is following the crowd and doing what everyone else in the crowd is doing.

Being cool (or whatever) is like wearing a uniform. It gives the person an identity and feeling of importance.

Someone who has real self confidence and is fully aware of his own identity and the importance of his role in society, does not need the support or approval of this misguided group. However, someone who lacks self confidence and the basic hashkofa of his own importance in the real society might need the `mental crutch' of `being cool.'

Therefore, before trying to convince someone of the foolishness of `being cool,' it is important to first build up the person's self confidence and show him that he has his own importance and does not need the support of the `cool society.'

It is like trying to wean someone off junk food. Before you can start to try to convince someone of the evils of eating junk food, you must first ensure that he has access to healthy food. If there is no healthy food available, then convincing him to stop eating unhealthy food will cause him to starve to death faster than the junk food might cause damage to his health.

However, ideally, a child should not feel the need to join the `cool set.' Parents and teachers should look for some aspect of every child that they can use to give him the feeling that he is a contributing and important member of the family and/or class. Even if the child is not scholastically exceptional, every child has some talent that he can be proud of -- if it is developed and appreciated.

Rochel had a knack for finding small items that fell on the floor and `just disappeared.' So whenever anything fell down, everyone called for Rochel and sure enough, within seconds she always located the lost item.

Many years later, when Rochel was the mother of a growing family, she related how important that reputation was to her and how it gave her the inner fiber to overcome difficult times in her life which tended to undermine her self confidence.

And, of course, we should not forget the most important hashkofa: everyone has been `handcrafted' by the Creator to fulfill his unique purpose in life -- the world has been waiting for him since Creation -- and no one else will ever be able to do his job.

 

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