"Pessy! Sit down! Don't throw peas at your brother. Yanky,
why did you pour your water over Dassy's rice? Now she's
crying! Shmuely, get off the table!"
"Mommy, the noodles are mushy! I'm not eating them."
"Me neither!"
"Me neither!"
"Everyone sit down and eat your food. Don't you know about
bal tashchis? Shmuely, get off the table!!!"
Sound familiar? Hopefully not, but most mothers of growing
families find mealtime a challenging part of the day. Getting
the children to stay seated, eat their food and not bother
their siblings may seem too much for one person to handle.
And pushing in some actual chinuch amidst the mayhem?
That's simply impossible.
But this rowdy scenario need not enter our kitchens. Mealtime
can be a serene, cooperative time to enjoy family unity and
even squeeze in a little mussar, which we do not
always have time for during our busy day. Here are some
suggestions for making mealtime into family time.
Positive Atmosphere
Most important for successful mealtimes is a happy, relaxed
mood. Since our children's moods are often a reflection of
their parents' frame of mind, it is up to us to create a
positive atmosphere. We tend to notice when children are
misbehaving and try to correct them. But a more effective way
of changing channels in the middle of chaos is to take
special note of that one child who is actually behaving
appropriately. I have a little song I sing. "I like how
Shani's sitting so nicely and eating up her food so nicely...
I like how Mendy's sitting so nicely, etc." Without fail,
they all plop down onto their chairs and start eating up, in
anticipation of their own name being inserted into the little
ditty.
Once you have created a positive atmosphere, you can maintain
it with some creativity.
Games
Verbal games are an excellent way to keep the children too
occupied to bother each other or to complain about the food.
First the children must be told one rule: we will only play
as long as we keep eating and don't bother each other.
Reinforcement of this rule (e.g. when someone is not eating,
the game pauses until he continues eating) should ensure
eager cooperation and peace.
One example of a verbal game is Middos through
Stories. In such a game, the mother explains a concept, such
as considerate vs. selfish. Then she tells a short story
demonstrating one of those possibilities. For example: "Shani
received a pekkale in kindergarten for Malky's
birthday. She wanted to eat it all but then decided to save
some for her brother." Then the children must decide if this
is considerate or selfish. The mother tells another story,
and the children again determine whether the character's
behavior was selfish or considerate.
Stories must match the age and personality of your children,
and you can determine their length. For children with more
boisterous personalities, the stories can be spiced up. For
example: "Moishy had a shiny, new blue 10-speed bike. He
wanted to try it out, so he hopped on and sped down the
sidewalk. Boom, he knocked down a little girl and zoomed past
as she sat there crying. Oops. He ran over a boy's plastic
tractor. Yikes! Moishy bumped into a stroller and didn't
bother to noitce that it went flying down the sidewalk. And
all the while, Moishy raced on, beaming from ear to ear,
thinking, `I have the best bicycle in the neighborhood.' "
Such stories keep even the most mischievous mealtimers
amused, while accomplishing two things: the food is eaten
without the children's noticing it and they learn some
meaningful lessons for life. Not to mention a cleaner table
and floor and fewer fights.
Some other concepts that may be focused on in this game are
responsible vs. irresponsible, kind vs. cruel, and lazy vs.
zariz (positively energetic). Children never tire of
these short stories and learn without even realizing it.
Another game is "Name that Yom Tov." Mommy says words
associated with a particular festival. For example:
shofar, apples and honey, pomegranates, fish head. The
children pipe up when they know the answer. This game can be
modified to Name that Torah Person with hints (for Moshe
Rabbenu, for example) like: Mitzrayim, Yam Suf,
luchos.
Older children may participate in these games by taking the
place of the mother and making up the stories and clues. The
key to using these games as a way to create a peaceful
atmosphere is to remember and remind the children that it is
NOT a competition. There are no winners; we're just having
fun together. From time to time you may need to prod them to
continue eating. You can even use the games to get them to
eat foods they may not prefer, ("When everyone has finished
their vegetables, we'll continue playing") or to stay in one
place ("When everyone is sitting, we'll continue the
game").
Stories
As any educator will tell you, stories are a superb way to
teach children important lessons without them realizing it.
They also make it easier to get children to eat without them
realizing it. The rules are the same as with games: the story
will only be told as long as the children are eating quietly,
calmly and are not bothering others.
One way of telling stories is from a book. You can choose a
book that relates midrashim from parshas
hashovua, telling a little each suppertime or once a
week. Or you can read a short story, showing them pictures as
they munch on their cucumbers and sandwiches. Another
possibility is reading a longer story over a few days. A new
library book is perfect for that. It is a surefire way to
keep those youngsters in one place, while getting some
nutrition in their bodies, and instilling valuable lessons
and knowledge in their minds.
Another way to use stories at mealtime is to make them up
yourself. Sometimes, during the day I notice some area one of
the children needs to work on, such as nicer language or
sharing possessions. I make a mental note to make up a story
at supper revolving around the area. I invent a story with
imaginary characters who were very good. They just have one
problem... By now, my children know that I'm referring to one
of them, but it doesn't matter. I change the details enough
so that they don't feel attacked. They enjoy hearing how
someone with the same difficulty as themselves overcame it.
And at the end of the story, the character always succeeds.
Made-up stories with morals are children's favorites. They
depict realistic situations they can relate to. Here's an
example:
The Goldman's Mommy announced that they would be having a
special guest coming in the afternoons to play with them for
the week.
"Who? Who?" the Goldman children wanted to know.
"Shira," said Mrs. Goldman. Shira's Mommy had a baby and
would be in Beit Hachlama for a week, so Shira would be
coming to the Goldmans to play in the afternoons.
"Hooray!" they shouted.
At first they played nicely, sharing the Legos, playing Abba-
Ima. But then when Sari was giving out stickers, she refused
to give one to Shira. "You're not in our family so you can't
have one," she said. "You can't play with us any more."
Just a taste of how these stories go. They are typical
situations in the family arena. Children's interest is
guaranteed and as they nibble on their food, listening with
perked ears, their stomachs are filling up.
Some mothers may feel overwhelmed at the idea of adding
another job and more creativity to their overextended, tiring
schedule. But mealtime is such an important part of the day,
one of the only times families actually sit together during
the week. So why not change it from a dreaded, frantic part
of the day to a peacefully stimulating, educational time?
Mother and children will gain from the calm atmosphere. And
that's what we're aiming for, right?
