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Home and Family
Handwriting -- a Mirror to the Soul by Rachel Gil

Identifying children's problems through graphology

In Part I we met R' Noam Stern who resides in Bnei Brak and is a teacher in a Talmud Torah. He is a certified graphologist after hours and an expert at deciphering children's handwriting. Handwriting, he claims, is like a CT of the soul, like a polygraph which hints at emotions which cannot be discovered by conventional methods.

Part II

Several examples illustrate this point:

Yossi (not his real name), was one of the smartest students in class. Always the best, he never received less than a 100%. It seemed that he did well without any effort whatsoever. In spite of this, he was often absent from school and found all sorts of excuses not to study. His parents couldn't understand his behavior, especially when he found studying so easy. They asked R' Stern to check his handwriting in order to discover what was bothering him. The expert spent three hours analyzing Yossi's handwriting according to all the required (thirty) parameters and discovered that the child was under tremendous pressure to succeed. Every exam caused stomach aches, and if he ever did get less than 100%, he would suffer from terrible nausea. He felt obligated to be perfect all the time.

R' Stern told the parents to keep in contact with Yossi's teacher and to suggest to him that he prepare their son to get used to receiving lower marks in order to help him cope with the realities of life. He had to learn that there are many disappointments in life and success is not always assured. With guidance, Yossi slowly started on his way to normalcy and eventually the anxiety about his studies disappeared.

After analyzing dozens of children's handwritings, R' Noam found that there are certain character traits, talents and deficiencies that the letters reveal. For instance, whether the child is timid, introverted, or if he is sure of himself as well as his personal and social standing. It is also possible to see if a child has hidden talents which have not as yet been expressed. Children who suffer from disciplinary and attention deficiency problems (ADD) in class can improve when their creative talents are discovered and their energy is rechanneled in a positive manner.

One of the children whose handwriting R' Stern was asked to examine was considered hyperactive and incorrigible by his teachers, who had a difficult time controlling him. R' Stern saw in his handwriting a need to work with his hands, to touch and manipulate, and he suggested that his parents send him to a carpentry class in order to release his extra energy. This turned out to be an excellent solution for the child.

Q. Are there parameters which repeat themselves in children's handwriting?

A. Certainly, and these are revealed both in their handwriting and their drawings. There are many cases of insecurity and low self image, expressions of sibling jealousy, symptoms related to being the oldest child and suffering from undue pressure not to disappoint the parents, lack of warmth, etc. I remember the case of a child from a very good, financially stable family, who turned to me after noticing bizarre occurrences around the house. Since they did not know who was responsible, I asked for a sample of all the children's handwritings. They were amazed to discover that the one who was responsible for the disturbances was actually one of the quietest and most refined of the children, a boy suffering from extreme jealousy. His brother, younger by a year, was just the opposite -- lively, popular and outgoing -- and was receiving all the attention. For this reason, the older brother had tried to draw interest to himself by doing strange things in order to get rid of the "threat" posed by the younger brother. As soon as they became aware of the facts, the parents made an effort to change their relationship towards him. They resolved to build up his self image and self confidence and eventually, the feelings of jealousy disappeared.

I saw the drawing of a disruptive child in the third grade who lived constantly in the shadow of his younger brother in the second grade, a child who always "stole the show."

He drew a picture of his brother close to their grandmother and himself far, far away -- which expressed his feeling of being alone and unimportant (because of the grandmother's preference for the younger sibling). There were also many details in the drawing, like buttons and pockets, which represented the mother's desire to keep him dependent.

I have met many children who are considered wild and unmanageable, and they seem full of life and fun, however, on the inside they are extremely sensitive and vulnerable. When I pointed this out to the parents, they took the situation to heart and gave their child more attention.

It is interesting to note that children are very expressive of the lack of attention they get at home both in their handwriting and in their drawings, and this is especially true in current years. Because of the ever growing pressures of daily life, parents try to "dance at many weddings simultaneously" and children are apt to suffer from lack of warmth in the home. In adolescence, the most common problem revealed in children's handwriting is pressure as a result from the inability to cope with new learning conditions and a new social background.

Q. When did you request a meeting with parents after studying their child's handwriting? And how did they react to this scrutiny?

A. In one case, I felt a need to approach the parents on my own. Their child's handwriting was a real call for help. This was a quiet, vulnerable child who was considered average or below. His handwriting was small and trembling, and pointed to extreme lack of confidence. I called up the parents and carefully explained to them that they should give their child extra tasks which involved responsibility and provide him with positive feedback at every opportunity. They were actually happy with my remarks and followed my advice. From then on, he changed completely and this improvement carried over to his studies as well as his social relationships. Soon, it was hard to believe that this was the same child!

In another case, I studied children's compositions and I couldn't ignore the unusual handwriting of one of them, which was so miniature that it needed a magnifying glass to decipher. This same student was soon after diagnosed as learning disabled, and it was decided to send him to a special school.

The handwriting of another child looked like small matchsticks and this expressed a desire to see and not be seen. His self confidence approached zero and he seemed to be in great distress. I told his teacher about his problem so that he could deal with it properly.

Sometimes R' Noam uses his talents for other purposes -- for instance, to discover whether a signature has been forged or not, and the children are aware of this. In an unusual case, the principal of a school asked him to ascertain whether a child had forged his father's signature on a test. The child's teacher claimed it had been, but R' Stern noticed that although the signature was childish there was an additional line at the end of the name which only an adult could have written with such verve. Upon examination, they discovered that he was right. The child had signed with the parent's permission and the father had added the extra line!

Sometimes, children go on for years with vestiges of unresolved problems which prevent them from coping normally and even professional counselors are unable to identify the root of the problem since the child is unable to express himself. But the handwriting can and will reveal all. R' Stern recalls a dramatic case of a yeshiva bochur who had trouble concentrating on his studies. All professional counseling had failed and the mashgiach had already given up on him. The parents brought him to R' Stern for handwriting analysis. He discerned that the boy was highly creative and intelligent, while on the other hand, he was extremely suspicious and had no confidence in anyone. He was under great pressure and this prevented him from communicating with those around him.

As he sometimes does, R' Stern asked the parents for a sample of their handwriting in order to complete the picture. He found the answer in the father's handwriting. There he found a hard, uncompromising personality, which left no room for flexibility. The father was in shock. He had always meant well, but his sensitive son had taken it the wrong way and was hurt by the father's toughness. The father, who was basically a good person, slowly started to change and eventually became more easygoing and understanding. The son started to learn again and their relationship improved tremendously.

Q. Who else turns to you besides parents?

A. An educator showed me the handwriting of a very restless student who, in spite of all the punishments and threats, persisted in disturbing during class. After analyzing the child's character according to his handwriting, it was decided to completely abandon the system of threats and punishment and to offer attractive prizes and give him responsibilities. This would calm his lively personality and desire for constant activity.

Analysis of an eighth grade teacher's handwriting showed that he was under constant pressure to finish more and more material and was suffering from discontent both from himself and his student. Although most people understand themselves basically, when faced with such clear evidence, they tend to take the message more seriously. I once suggested to a person whose handwriting showed disturbing signs of depression, to go for counseling. He knew that the distress and the pressure he was under were dangerous for him, yet he needed someone to tell him this openly.

Q. How exact is graphology?

A. Graphology is not an exact science, but it is very reliable in many instances. In my opinion, it approaches at least 90% precison and from my experience, the error margin is minimal. Many places of work choose candidates for employment only according to their handwriting and many people have changed fields because their handwriting revealed certain personality traits.

Q. Personally, are you careful to submit only typewritten notes?

I am satisfied with my own handwriting and I am not afraid to show it to others.

Although mostly everyone is shy of having others discover their weaknesses, R' Stern would be very interested one day in checking the handwriting of his son's future wife (the boy is only five now). "The important points for me," he says, "are sincerity and integrity, and for this reason, I'll check very carefully the handwriting of someone with whom I have to be in close contact."

Q. How have your opinions of people changed in light of your specialty?

I don't involve graphology in my daily life. Even after analyzing a handwriting, I don't judge the person as good or bad. There are only certain points which have to be worked on. Once I did change my mind about a friend whose handwriting showed a lack of dependability. I did not cut off our relationship, but I know that in time of need, I won't be able to count on him.

 

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