There are no easy answers to sleep problems and there
is no guarantee that any particular method will work
with your child.
If advice does not sound sensible or humane, it is not
good advice!
Sleepless nights can cause parents tremendous problems.
Before discussing the causes and treatment of disturbed
sleep, it is worth expanding on what is considered
`normal' sleep. Many books and articles have been
published which give guidelines for what is `normal.' If
a parent reads that an average four- year-old should
sleep for ten hours a night, he can measure his own
child against that average. But what is he supposed to
do if the child does not do what the book says? Is it a
tremendous cause for concern if the child does not
measure up to the average? If your baby is not a `good'
baby, does it follow that he is a `bad' baby? This
problem occurs in many areas of child development. New
parents and not-so-new parents should be warned about
averages. It is a mistake to take them too seriously.
Researchers on sleep have to choose available subjects.
Thus, research on children's sleep patterns tends to be
carried out on newborn babies who are in hospitals, and
on children in institutions. Such children tend to have
a different incidence of sleep problems than children in
a family home, although definite observations have been
made which apply to almost all children.
During the first three or four months of his life, the
baby's regular rhythm gradually begins to fit in with
the 24 hour day. All parents feel that the ideal
development is for the waking periods to occur by day,
and for most of the sleep periods to occur by night. In
the first week, the average longest sleeping period is
about four hours. By the fifth month, the average
longest sleeping period is eight and a half hours. By
the time they are a year old, there are only two, or
perhaps three periods in the twenty-four hours. By the
age of three, very many children sleep only at night,
although others need an afternoon nap till they are
about five.
If Baby doesn't fit into these averages, parents feel
there are problems. If parents do not feel it is a
problem, then perhaps it isn't. A first-time mother who
isn't working can perhaps suit her timetable to that of
the child. Children vary tremendously in the amount of
sleep they seem to need. Some children sleep happily
right through the night, with additional naps of an hour
or two by day, while others only sleep solidly at night
for an hour or two, yet rarely need a daytime nap.
In the "olden times," newborn babies were fed, changed,
made comfortable and put back to sleep in a room of
their own. It was felt that they were meant to sleep
twenty-two hours out of the twenty-four. Theories about
sleep requirements have change drastically since then.
Unfortunately, babies don't read books. Nor can they
tell the time. A baby does not know that it is anti-
social to wake up at three in the morning and want to
play.
In a piece of research carried out over thirty years ago
in Nottingham, England, parents of over 700 one-year-old
babies were interviewed. 35% of mothers reported that
they had been awakened at some time during the night
preceding the interview and in almost every case, one of
the parents had had to get up for the child.
Interestingly, 26% of these babies were reported to be
waking regularly every night.
The effects of repeatedly disturbed nights on parents
can be devastating. The first few weeks of a new baby
are tolerable. After all, you have a new baby and you
expect to be up at night. But the weeks go by and Baby
doesn't settle down. The parents, or often only the
mother -- if she feels that Father has to learn or go to
work and she `does nothing all day' anyway -- are
chronically short of sleep. To make things worse,
friends' children seem to be angels and sleep peaceful
undisturbed sleep from six in the evening till seven in
the morning. Furthermore, whenever you complain about
the wakeful child, your friends look at this bright-
eyed baby and remark that he doesn't look as if he is
sleep deprived and has been crying all night. Which
makes you feel inadequate and a failure.
If the effect on the parents and on the family could be
ignored, it is generally agreed by experts that babies
and children get enough sleep. Doctors are usually more
concerned with how much sleep the parents are gettng. A
child, especially a first one, might go to bed
(reluctantly) at about seven or eight o'clock, wake up
again at eleven, and want to play or be entertained or
cuddled till two in the morning. Mother finally manages
to get to bed, only to be woken again at six by a
cheerful, bright-eyed child. She feels tired and
frustrated, and if truth be told, sometimes a little
resentful.
It is not only the parents who suffer from a demanding
wakeful child. Other children can be disturbed and
frustrated by the noise in their bedroom or in the room
next door. When parents are exhausted, there is extra
tension in the home and brothers and sisters will
suffer. They find themselves shouted at for small
misdemeanors simply because a tired mother's patience
has worn out. They do not understand why they get
screamed at for spilling a drop of milk at breakfast.
Mother always seems to be holding the baby and has no
time to chat or play as she used to. She feels guilty
and they feel jealous!
If one lives in close proximity to neighbors, that, too,
can be an additional problem. The baby wakes up and you
think everyone can hear the screaming. Young mothers in
particular feel that everyone is listening to their
`failure' as a mother. They feel if they were miles away
from anyone, life would be simpler and less embarrassing
and they wouldn't have to jump up at the first
whimper.
In the world at large, there is an increase in the
phenomenon of battered babies. G-d forbid that any
parent would want to injure their own child. But most
parents who have been walking the floor for hours with a
restless screaming baby can understand the feelings of
frustration and anger which surface occasionally.
There are no easy answers to sleep problems and there is
no guarantee that any particular method will work with
your child. Every parent and every child is different.
If advice does not sound sensible or humane, it is not
good advice! Parents are often given unrealistic
expectations of sleeping times and ineffective advice in
managing the problem. Parents know their own children
and are quite right to ignore the advice of experts if
it sounds wrong to them.
[To be continued...]
