Money is part of everyday reality, and this is
unavoidable, whether we like it or not. There are,
however, homes in which the topic is a separate issue in
itself. From a very young age, children observe their
parents' attitude towards money and as time goes on, the
topic of money and the attitude become linked in their
minds until the two are inseparable. How should we
handle the topic of money?
How can we explain what money is without making a
child feel that riches are necessary?
First of all, we must never impress a child with the
idea that money is all- important. Money IS a very
important asset, and it shouldn't be wasted, but
this does not make it an important value. If the
parents relate to money with avarice, talk about its
aspects without end and constantly discuss how to
increase their funds, the child will be left with the
impression that money is the most important thing in
life. This conclusion will be inevitable if the parents
constantly bring up the subject at mealtimes.
Parents who live for their money will always bring up
and calculate other people's wealth. How much does the
new family have? Is the neighbor really rich or is he
only trying to impress others? Does that older couple
have more or less money than they? And where did Uncle
Chaim get the money to go abroad this year? A child
listening to this type of conversation will really get
the impression that money is of prime importance and
that it is worthwhile spending precious time discussing
this topic.
On the other hand, parents who don't spend their time
discussing money issues, unless it concerns them and
their livelihood directly, and even then, do so in a
quiet, discreet fashion, transmit a different message:
money is essential, since without money it is hard to
survive, but it is certainly not of primary value. There
are more important things which concern them such as:
good communication between members of the family,
cooperation and so on. The children will appreciate that
money is important, it is hard to get along without it,
but it exists for us and not the other way around.
Is the home atmosphere one of waste or
thriftiness?
From the day they are born until they reach old age,
children and people in general learn by observing what
is going on around them. It is therefore not surprising
that children notice everything that takes place in
their homes and learn from what they see. From a young
age, they can tell whether there is a preoccupation with
money, not only from the way parents talk but also from
the way they relate to the issue: its income and
expenditure.
They can also discern whether the parents are stingy or
spendthrifts, tight, generous or lavish, if they try to
save or cut down on expenses or are continually in debt,
whether they think only of their own benefits or are
also concerned with their surroundings. And since
children really absorb the atmosphere of the home so
well, we as parents have to be careful not only in the
way we act outwardly, but we must also try to educate
ourselves internally. In this way, we can prevent our
children from growing up with false values.
Letting children share our concerns about
money
The way we relate to money matters is extremely
important. From this, children will learn how or how not
to relate to money. There might be a poor home with
practically nothing in it, and every time the child
dares to ask for something, he is refused and berated
for asking. The child will learn that it is a sin to
ask. After a while, he will decide that it's better to
keep quiet. On the other hand, he might learn that it
pays to be a nudge because it earns him some attention
and he might even get some money if he is persistent
enough.
On the other hand, a child can grow up in a similar
home, but when he asks about money he won't be
reprimanded or hushed up. He will get a clear, simple
explanation as to why his request cannot be granted,
including a broader account of the family's situation,
ending on a note of hopefulness for a brighter
future.
When things are set forth clearly and logically, the
child gets the following message: as parents, we trust
you to understand what we can and cannot afford. A child
who feels that he was given a clear explanation about
the financial situation of the family will know what is
reasonable to request and what not. And since the
parents didn't speak of the lack in a negative manner,
but in a positive way, chances are that the child will
take an optimistic view of the situation. He'll be more
hopeful of a better future instead of reacting to the
situation with anger and bitterness.
This method will help the child grow up emotionally as a
healthier and more secure individual. He understands
that there is a lack, he suffers from it, but the fact
that he knows how things stand and that no one is
putting on an act, plus the good communication between
him and his parents, will help him cope more easily with
the situation.
Who is the rich man? One who is happy with his
lot.
Even someone who hasn't got much has something to be
thankful for. If we really look at our situation
carefully, we will find positive things to be grateful
about. If this is the way the parents look at life, then
this is the message the child will grow up with. As we
all know, the really rich person is not the one who has
money in the bank or seems to have it all, but the one
who appreciates everything he has.
TIPS:
* Sometimes a child finds a coin in the house and brings
it to us. We have to take it and thank him for this --
as it teaches him that the money is not his and it is
his duty to return it to the owner. Also, that even
small coins have value.
* When we find money in the street, we should wait a
moment and discuss with the child whether or not we have
to return it and why.
* Money is a sensitive issue and children can develop a
complex concerning it if they are never given any or
given too much, too often.
* Children have to help in the house because they are
part of the household and it is superfluous to pay them
for their assistance.
* Children have to learn and try to do their best. They
learn for their own benefit and not to make the parents
happy. It is unnecesary and inadvisable to pay children
for a good report card or for passing a test with high
marks.
[Readers' comments welcomed.]
