In the USA, dollar bills serve as a constant and unusual
reminder of the necessity to proclaim, "In G-d We Trust." As
Jews, we are enjoined to place our total faith in the Only
One, throughout the length of our days, in all situations.
The Chofetz Chaim made a very fine distinction between
trusting Hashem and placing our trust in fallible human
beings. We are commanded to be guileless with regards to
Hashem, but not naively and oversimply trusting with people.
Along the same lines, a great Torah sage, R' Mordechai
Shulman, once advised a group of people not to behave in a
manner that might give the false impression that rabbis are
naive.
At times, we see through the charades of charlatans, but want
to act polite and upbeat in order to encourage and empower
people in need of help. We place a blind eye on some
irregularites and not let on that all is not rosy. R'
Shulman's warning was directed at altruistic attempts to help
people in need -- where the recipients of the chessed
felt that they could manipulate people easily, particularly
if they were believing Jews. He understood that at times,
people do not discriminate between the religious person's
belief in Hashem and total belief in people.
When I discuss shidduchim with some of my friends and
acquaintances, I am reminded of my mother's wise words of
advice: "Remember, you love yourself more than the doctor
`loves' you." You may accept assistance from many people who
are experts in their respective fields, but you must protect
your own interests! Be respectful -- and wary, too.
I think that a balanced way of looking at people and a
careful sifting of information are crucial for our survival
in the real world. This also provides a mechanism for
preventing chilul Hashem.
Let me explain: If we squelch our natural sense of caution
and trust all the people all of the time, we are bound to
fall into some trap and then we may look with a jaundiced,
disillusioned eye at our fellow Jews. All because we
exaggerated our trust. Maybe our exaggerated trust in taking
people's words at face value emanates from laziness, and
laziness and indifference are the antithesis of Torah.
Don't abdicate your personal responsibility by passing the
buck to others. Research job prospects and shidduchim
with zeal and love for your fellow man. But balance wariness
with respect. Loving Hashem with every fiber of our being
means we must sometimes challenge and overcome our natural
inclinations and act with strength and forethought, ensuring
that truth prevails.
At times we enjoy playing ostrich, thinking that by ignoring,
we can do away with evil. However, if we place our fingers in
our ears at the wrong time, we may cause irrevocable damage
to ourselves or others. There is no easy way out. In addition
to knowing all the laws regarding interpersonal
relationships, we must also accept responsibility for
negative or delicate information within our purview and act
in the best way possible. You cannot wish away evil. You have
to deal with unpleasant realities. This is part of our
obligation of accepting Hashem's supremacy in the world. To
act in accordance with Halocha even if you have to
forfeit the personal pleasure gained by playing the role of
the good guy in the process.
By all means, continue encouraging your good impulses; see
the good in everyone and help foster positivity, but season
these tendencies with gevura, strength of character
that will help you deal with the negative side of life in the
optimum fashion.
