[An excerpt from BaMesilah HaOlah, a collection of essays about correct Torah outlook and mussar]
This timely essay was originally published 26 years ago in Sivan 5755/1995.
For an essay of this nature, namely one that discusses tsnius, the above title ("And tell Bnei Yisroel," from Shemos 19:3) may seem a misnomer because this part of the posuk refers to the men. The beginning of the posuk, "And this is how you should talk to Beis Yaakov," refers to women, and one might expect that this should have been chosen as the title for this piece. Instead I preferred to choose the end of the posuk, "And tell Bnei Yisroel," basing the choice on the Mechilta's interpretation that such "telling" denotes harsh words [`as tough as sinews' — Rashi] that should be transmitted to the men. Our title therefore comes to emphasize the obligation of husbands to supervise all matters of tsnius in their homes.
There has been a definite decline in the level of public tsnius even in our community, primarily concerning the way women appear in public: the length and style of girls' hair, the style of married women's wigs, and how they dress. The plague of non-Jewish clothing fashions, which unquestionably lack modesty, has definitely penetrated into many Torah-observant homes. The prevalence of such unchaste wear, seen all over today, has almost made them into the norm. Out of sheer despair, many are resigning themselves to this condition because they feel that chances of improvement are nonexistent.
There are numerous explanations for what is happening. They include excessive exposure to secular culture, the influence of advertisements and the mass media, and the prevalence of job positions in non religious firms. Such "justifications," however, not only should not dampen our desire to deal with this subject, but on the contrary, they show how fundamental and internal a problem we have here.
The fact is that all Jewish women naturally possess the quality of tsnius. Although this trait is cherished by them in their hearts, unfortunately, there are still many women who are swept away with the odious, but fast flowing, current of the outside world. The tragedy is that there is no one at home to withstand the force of these external powers; there is definitely insufficient guidance about tsnius in the home. We are not referring to those who are comfortable with this state of affairs, or people who, chas vesholom, actually encourage their wives to appear in a way that would cause others to sin. We are rather now addressing those whose souls secretly weep over the immodesty of their spouses and daughters.
The husband's role in enforcing tsnius is emphasized in the Midrash Rabbah (Nosso 9:2): "`Each man whose wife goes astray and trespasses against him' (Bamidbar 5:12) — the Torah teaches you to be easygoing in your home. If wine spills, be easygoing: `. . .to bequeath possessions to those whom I love.' Likewise if your oil [spills]: `and I will fill their storehouses' (Mishlei 8:21). And if your garment is torn, `Hashem will fulfill all your needs' (Tehillim 20:6). But if you hear something [immodest] concerning your wife, then you should stand up like a man . . . and therefore the posuk says `Each man.'"
Much to our chagrin, in many houses it is just the opposite. The husband intervenes in all sorts of matters, yet when it comes to the tsnius of his daughters and wife he is virtually tongue-tied. Naturally his wife and daughters interpret his silence as either agreement on his part or at least a lack of opposition. In many cases a clear initial protest on the husband and father's part would be sufficient to save his family from spiritual deterioration. For some strange reason, however, this subject is not discussed in the family. The family head does not get involved, thus giving the impression that tsnius is a topic that is exclusively the province of women. The Torah, however, alerts all of us — both men and women: "And no ervah may be seen in you, lest He turn away from you" (Devorim 23:15).
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It is known that the Shechina will dwell in a home where there is a proper level of tsnius. A cloud hovering over the tent of our holy Patriarchs was a sign that the Shechina rested in their homes, as the posuk says: "For I will appear in the cloud on the kapores" (Vayikra 16:2). A cloud always hovered over Sorah's tent, and when she died the cloud disappeared; when Rivka entered the tent the cloud reappeared.
The Midrash Tanchuma (Vayishlach 6) enumerates the heavenly gifts awarded to righteous women who behaved with tsnius. "`And Dinah the daughter of Leah went out' (Bereishis 34:1). This is what the posuk says: `Her clothing is of ornamental gold' (Tehillim 45:14). Rav Yossi said: `When a woman acts with tsnius in her home, then she is worthy of marrying a Cohen godol and raising Cohanim gedolim, as is written: "The entire glory of the king's daughter is within." If she acts with respect at home, "her clothing is of ornamental gold" and she will marry the one about whom it is written "you shall embroider the coat with fine linen" (Shemos 28:39) [i.e., the Cohen godol].'
"Rav Pinchas Hacohen bar Chama said: `When she acts with tsnius at home, just as the altar atones for sins so she atones for sins within her home, as it is written: "Your wife will be like a fruitful vine at the sides of your house" (Tehillim 128:3). "Sides" refers to the altar, as it is written: `And he slaughtered it at the side of the altar' (Vayikra 1:11).
"Another explanation: `Your wife will be like a fruitful vine' — when will she be as a fruitful vine? When she is at the sides of your home [i.e., acting modestly]. If the wife fulfills that, then `Your children will be like olive saplings' (Tehillim, ibid.) — you will raise children who will be anointed [with olive oil, i.e., Cohanim]."
The altar upon which we brought sacrifices was a means of coming closer to HaKodosh Boruch Hu. The Sifrei (Bamidbar 28:8) teaches us a most profound lesson. It comments on the posuk which tells us how a sacrifice brings "a sweet savor to Hashem," as follows: "It is a gratification for Me that I commanded [to bring a sacrifice] and My will has been done." The foremost way a person becomes closer to Hashem is by doing His will.
A woman makes a brocho each morning thanking Him "Who made me according to His will." What is meant by a woman being created according to His will? Which will is being referred to here?
"And the Lord Hashem constructed (vayiven) a woman from the rib which He took from man" (Bereishis 2:22). "R' Yehoshua of Sakhnin in the name of R' Levi said: `Vayoven is written (if the word is read with a komatz under the yud instead of a chirik it reads vayoven — meaning understanding [Eitz Yosef]). He considered from where to create her! He [Hashem] said: "I will not create her from the head so she should not be haughty, nor from the eye so she should not be inquisitive, nor from the ears so that she should not be an eavesdropper, nor from the mouth so she should not be talkative, nor from the heart so she should not be vengeful, nor from the hand so she should not be one who touches everything, nor from the foot so she should not constantly be out walking, but from a modest place in man. Even when a man is totally naked, the ribs are still concealed." And after every limb that He created He exclaimed: "Be modest, be modest!"'" (Midrash Rabbah 18:3). This is what HaKodosh Boruch Hu demands of women — modesty; and this is what is meant by the brocho: "Who made me according to His will."
Implicit in this Midrash is a profound explanation of why women are in essence closer to HaKodosh Boruch Hu than men (Droshos Chasam Sofer). Men attain closeness to Hashem through learning Torah, praying, and performing mitzvos, which are all laborious activities. Women, on the other hand, through their observance of tsnius alone fulfill the Creator's will — "Who made me according to His will."
Anything related to honor, such as Torah and man's creation in Hashem's image, pertains to HaKodosh Boruch Hu. Women also possess the element of honor: "The entire honor (kevuda) of the king's daughter is within." Tsnius-compliant behavior, in which the secret of internal spirituality is hidden, is the catalyst that reveals Hashem's honor and glory (Nesivos Olam of the Maharal of Prague, Nesiv Hatzenius). This act of doing Hashem's will, in turn, leads the woman to nearness to Him. This fulfilling of His will is what Chazal meant when they wrote that a woman is like an altar that atones for sins. The intent of the sacrifice is to bring man nearer to his Creator, and it is achieved when Hashem declares, "I commanded and My will has been done."
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It is incumbent upon every ben Torah in whose heart yiras Hashem burns, to explain the significance of tsnius to his wife and daughters. It is well known that the sacrifices that a Jewish mother will make for her family and children are unlimited.
"A good wife fulfills the will of her husband" (Tana Devei Eliyahu 9), but she is not always aware of the gravity of her various acts. She does not always realize that by acting immodestly she is endangering her home and children. Unchaste behavior causes the Shechina to depart from her house and also from Am Yisroel in general. Moreover, all Heavenly assistance is lost from her home. She is abandoning her children to what decadent society has to offer, and then, "What shall the child do [when faced with such temptation] so as not to sin?" (Shabbos 118b).
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An additional, related misdeed is the belittling of rabbonim and poskim. We actually owe a debt to them for having set out halachic requirements for all the different articles of clothing — such as dresses and appropriate styles of wigs — and for having presented us with exact guidance concerning each one. Yet instead of rejoicing over their help, some people blatantly disregard these directions. Some store owners are blinded by the desire to make bigger profits, and brazenly transgress the will of all poskim. It does not matter to them that they are causing people to sin and are infiltrating the tumah of foreign cultures into the tents of Yaakov.
We call out to them: Do you really think that any good or blessing will result from this money? Do you think you are fulfilling your hishtadlus for livelihood by selling items prohibited by the rabbonim? Do you not know that violating the commands of Hashem will not bring you any prosperity?
By their disgraceful acts of contempt for the rabbonim's instructions these people are demonstrating to everybody that one can be disrespectful towards them. Such behavior weakens obedience to our Torah sages, and is yet another way of causing many to sin. About such acts it is written: "Though Gehennom pass away, they will go on [in exile from the Shechina]" (Rosh Hashanah 17a). There is no greater insolence than to publicly act against the Torah and its sages. Furthermore, these rebellious store owners show that they lack the trait present in all Bnei Yisroel, of being bashful and not acting audaciously.
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This is a good opportunity to also mention various advertisements that are printed in some chareidi newspapers and weeklies. Although each newspaper writes in large letters that it is not responsible for the integrity of its advertisements, it is, however, inconceivable that a Torah-observant newspaper should cause people to sin by placing a stumbling block before them. Just as it is self-evident that they would not advertise the sale of treifos uneveilos, so we expect them not to advertise improper clothing and immodest wigs.
The power of personal bias is enormous. If you were to ask a person engaged in selling immodest clothing why he does not follow the instructions of the poskim, he might quote numerous passages from Chazal and Tanach, together with "irrefutable" reasoning, all to show — according to his perverted logic — that he should continue in his way. He is unaware that all his arguments are not a result of intensive analysis, but rather stem from his laziness in not thinking over the subject. His complacent willingness to leave things as they are prompts him to defy the rabbonim. About such a foolish person, Shlomo Hamelech warns: "A lazy person is more wise in his own eyes than seven people showing the correct reasoning" (Mishlei 26:16). Laziness causes him not even to pay attention to those who rebuke him; he considers everyone irrational except for himself (Mesillas Yeshorim chap. 6).
Besides all the above, a person at home should constantly refine his understanding of the significance of tsnius and be aware of the yetzer's great power of temptation. A noxious temptation to abandon tsnius is continually surrounding us, and it must be overcome. After one has been actually led astray by the yetzer, one cannot save himself from it! (Chochmah UMussar of HaRav Yeruchom Levovitz, mashgiach of Yeshivas Mir).
A man should prevent his wife and daughters from going to places where they see immoral and eye-catching clothing. This includes all the new shopping malls that are sprouting up all over like mushrooms after the rain. As Chazal write, "The eye sees and the heart covets" (Bamidbar Rabbah 10:2).
One should be particular to avoid harmful society — which Mesillas Yeshorim (chapter 5) defines as the company of fools and sinners. In my opinion, HaRav Moshe Chaim Luzzatto called these people fools because they consider themselves wiser than the sages and gedolei Torah. They presume that they can do whatever they desire and they will not be punished for their acts. In addition, they think that only by following their way can one succeed in educating children. This is despite the fact that their conduct is diametrically opposed to the Torah lifestyle.
These people are fools, and they are more dangerous than sinners. About them, Shlomo Hamelech wrote: "How long will you fools love foolishness?" (Mishlei 1:22). Do you not know that opposing Hashem will never succeed? Just as happened with Molech worshipers, "they even burn their sons and daughters in the fire to their gods" (Devorim 12:31) — with their perverted outlook they are ruining their children morally.
We pray that HaKodosh Boruch Hu will imbue the hearts of Jewish women with taharoh so that they may remove all traces of foreign culture and wear proper Jewish garments that show modesty and kedusha. In this way they will merit the blessing of Dovid Hamelech: "Your wife will be like a fruitful vine at the sides of your house, your children will be like olive saplings around your table. Behold, thus will a man who fears Hashem be blessed . . . and there will be peace for Israel" (Tehillim 128:3-4, 6).
HaRav Roth zt"l was mashgiach of Yeshivas Beis Shemayah, Bnei Brak,
