Some people live with the illusion that things in life can,
by nature, run of themselves. Such feelings are actually
educational sleeping pills, and those addicted to them are,
choliloh, liable to wake up one day and find
themselves headed for disaster. Through their indifference
they have lost the chance to halt their children's
degeneration.
Our children's education requires us to be constantly on
guard. We must look objectively at the situation and attempt
to fulfill the Mishnah: "Which is the proper way to
which a person should cling? . . . R' Shimon says: `One who
considers the outcome of a deed'" (Ovos 2:9). We must
not maintain exaggerated trust in our children, which might
cause us to relax in our educational mission. Similarly, we
should not have an inflated trust in the quality of the
environment in which they are growing up, or in the value of
the education they are receiving in our educational
institutes. If we do so, we are abandoning them,
choliloh, to a foul stream of temptations that can
wear away their worth.
Are we permitted to overlook life's snares by assuming our
children are fine? Are we allowed to refuse to hold an
impartial view of man's natural weakness of character, his
lack of strength to resist the enormous might of the
enticements today labeled as strictly kosher? Is this not as
if we are surrendering? Withdrawing from the battle for our
children's souls?
By looking for momentary ease — ignoring what is liable
to happen — and not strengthening our educational walls
in the face of the poisonous streams that may overflow into
our own homes — it is as if we are deciding to raze
these walls ourselves.
Dear parents! If you yourselves are not careful at home about
what you demand from your children or what they are taught in
the schools where you send them, you can definitely not
expect them to be any different from yourselves. "A child
says in the marketplace what he hears from his father or
mother" (Succah 56b). We are all aware that from a
child's example we can know what sort of house he is growing
up in. The child's way of speaking echoes what he hears at
home and his thought processes accurately portray his home's
outlook on life.
A child who is scrupulous about all Shabbos halochos
actually "tells" us that his parents are also careful to
observe Shabbos and fear committing even a sin that is
derabbonon. Children who restrain themselves from
eating tasty candy before checking whether a reliable
hechsher is printed on the label "tell" us that their
mothers tremble when they discover a dairy teaspoon in a meat
sink. Deep into the child's consciousness is carved the
parent's attitude to matters of kedushoh. This
attitude penetrates to the deepest levels of his
subconscious, down to where his character is formed and his
inner essence is woven.
Dear parents! It is a plain fact that those who bring trashy,
immodest newspapers into their home are being metamei
their children's souls. Those who allow radio or television
thereby expose their daughters to a poisonous influence. Who
can know what the results of such an influence may, chas
vesholom, be? They are extinguishing any spark of
yiras Shomayim in their heart.
We should not be like such parents. Our children are too dear
to us to allow any negligence about their spiritual
health.
A conspicuous external factor influencing the health of a
child's soul is the type of clothing he chooses to wear. "R.
Yochonon used to call his clothing `that which gives me
honor' " (Shabbos 113a, Rashi). From what is permitted
you may deduce the forbidden: Just as a man's clothing can
serve as a sign of honor for him, so they can serve as a sign
of disgrace, choliloh. This depends on whether their
style and colors attest to his being among the
lightheaded.
In our educational work we, to the best of our ability, try
implanting in our students the recognition that their
external appearance (from the heel of their shoes up to their
hair style), whether at home or elsewhere, either associates
them with a group of refined young people or,
choliloh, associates them with the opposite.
Dear parents! Do not give in to the berserk styles dictated
by the latest fashion. These fashions were designed by people
possessed with an unquenchable craving for money, people
intoxicated by publicity, servants to their own desires.
R' Mendel of Vishnitz, the Tzemach Tzaddik zt'l, used
to tell the following parable: There was a king who decreed
that a certain minister who had once defied him should wear
an iron chain clipped to his nose. This sign of disgrace
would forever remind him of his sin. After the minister died,
his sons, being loyal to the traditions handed down by their
father, continued to wear a chain on their noses. Foolishly,
they were proud of it and even had chains cast in gold and
silver. This continued until a wise person happened to meet
them and said: "Fools! How does beautifying that chain help
you if it is no more than a sign of disgrace?"
Clothing, explained R' Mendel of Vishnitz, is no more than a
sign of disgrace for man, who [by the sin of the Eitz
Hadaas] renounced his heavenly existence and preferred
sensory pleasures. Why should a person beautify his sign of
disgrace, be proud of it and adorn himself with it?
The repulsive race to make an exhibit of oneself shows that a
person has an inner hunger, whose source is emptiness and a
lack of satisfaction. A modest person, who lives his life
with inner freedom, is not a slave being dictated to by
others what to do. He is not dependent upon the shoddy
opinion of a few derelicts. He is not swept away by every
breeze, nor does he feel a need to adapt his taste to that of
the masses.
He lives in an independent world — a safe and solid
one. His modesty is a defensive wall protecting his
refinement from the stormy attractions of vulgarity and
commonness. It serves him as both a security fence against
ludicrous vanity and a warning against greed and luxury.
Your daughter's degree of tznius is directly dependent
upon the degree of tznius at home. To the same degree
that your home radiates simplicity and purity, so will your
daughter radiate exemplary character traits and refinement.
She will understand that nobility is a Jewish woman's true
jewelry.
"The honor of a princess is all within" (Tehillim
45:14). A good Jewish girl does not roam around the streets,
not by herself and not with a girl friend. She will not visit
malls that arouse a dangerous lust for the world's pleasures
and for overindulgence in them. Such places bathe a person in
frivolity and persuasive desires. They serve as a nucleus for
spiritual dangers waiting in ambush for our daughters, to
seduce them and harm their purity.
Chazal write, "There is no virtuous attribute greater than
tznius." Every significant accomplishment and
meritorious advantage is acquired through tznius.
Sorah Imeinu was in her tent when the mal'ochim told
her that she would give birth. Rachel modestly set aside her
own benefit for her sister's sake. She merited through this
hearing the voice of the Shechinah consoling her, "And
they shall come back from the land of the enemy"
(Yirmiyohu 31:16). Yosef Hatzaddik acted modestly and
with kedushoh and merited becoming a viceroy. Moshe
Rabbenu acted with tznius and humility more than any
person ever born, and was therefore privileged to bring down
the Torah from heaven. Shaul Hamelech hid the fact that he
had been anointed king by Shmuel, and because of that was
later privileged to be acknowledged king by all. Esther hid
her heritage from Achashverosh, and was privileged to become
a queen and save her nation.
The root of all greatness is tznius and the source of
kingship is tznius.
Dear parents! Please guard the tznius of your home in
general and of your daughters in particular. Please do not
compromise on any doubtful behavior, although it answers
diverse requirements. Opening the door of the kodesh
kodoshim, which is the attribute of tznius, to the
lightest breeze, whether intentionally or unintentionally,
invites setting up an idol within.
Fight dauntlessly, without fear, against any conspicuous
exterior show. Do not concede even the slightest demand. The
entire essence of tznius is being meticulous, without
compromises. What you are dedicated to today will shield you
later and forever. If you compromise because of indifference
and leniency or lack of attention, the smallest opening will
enlarge until all the walls of our religion will,
choliloh, collapse. This is attested to by terrifying
stories we have heard.
Each person must strengthen the other, and we must all work
together for the sake of Heaven. Let us pray that Hashem will
enlighten our eyes and we will be privileged to raise our
daughters along the correct and righteous path.
HaRav Binyamin Scharansky is the principal of the Beis
Yaakov Seminary of Tel Aviv.
