The Power of Making a Specific Undertaking
A few days remain until Yom Kippur; let's use them to the
utmost. Chazal tell us (Kiddushin 49) that if "a
person enters into a marriage `on condition that I am
righteous,' the marriage is binding even if he is utterly
wicked because he may have entertained a thought of
repentance." Repentance can be the matter of a moment —
and we still have two days!
But it's not enough just to think vaguely about repentance. A
person needs to pick a particular area that needs
improvement. Everyone knows his own shortcomings. [For
example,] everyone understands how important prayer is yet
our prayers are not what they ought to be. Chazal (Brochos
6) tell us that the posuk in Tehillim
(12:9) speaks about "sublime matters that people are
careless with" [which Rashi explains is a reference to
prayer]. Everyone should thus be very careful to pray
properly.
Torah study is of supreme importance. A person who is empty
of Torah study, who is not immersed in his learning and is
not absorbing it, is incapable of coming to grips with
anything. Chazal (Succah 46) say, "In the way of the
world, an empty vessel can receive and a full one cannot;
Hakodosh Boruch Hu's way is different. A full vessel
can receive yet more, and an empty one cannot hold
anything."
Once one has acquired knowledge of one masechta, one
can learn and acquire another one. Everyone can make progress
in this way, without any exceptions. Everyone can learn one
masechta after another.
Come, let us take things to heart. The Rambam is a work of
halochoh. In Hilchos Teshuvoh, the Rambam defines
Elul, Rosh Hashonoh and Yom Kippur. These are halachos
in the fullest sense, just like the halachos of
Shabbos and others — there is judgment; there is Rosh
Hashonoh. If a person merits he is sealed for life in
accordance with his majority of merits. If not, his verdict
remains in abeyance . . . all the laws of Teshuvoh are
halachos like any others. Let's take heart and
improve."
"And My Salvation" — On Yom Kippur
The Days of Judgment are at their height. The Day of Judgment
is great and awesome! Shmuel Hanovi was afraid of it and
worried, "Perhaps I am chas vesholom being called to
judgment?" (Chagigah 4). We though, are apathetic. We
think, "Today is Monday, tomorrow is Tuesday and that's how
things will continue."
I heard from the Chofetz Chaim ztvk'l — and the
Beis Halevi ztvk'l writes the same thing — that
people always think that when they'll be questioned about the
things that they did wrong, they'll be able to explain
themselves with various excuses. For every sin, they'll have
a partial explanation.
Hashem's Court however, is like an earthly court, with
attorneys for the defense and prosecution. When a person
looks for an excuse to explain his behavior, he will be shown
how his own actions contradict his arguments.
For example, when the Court questions him about Torah study
and demands to know why he didn't learn Torah he will say, "I
was busy," or "I was tired." Then he'll be shown other things
that he did and will be asked, "How is it that you weren't
too busy for that?"
This is what Chazal mean then they say that a person will be
"chastised according to what he is." He will be shown the
contradictions in his own behavior, according to his level
and he will have nothing to say.
So it is every year, every Rosh Hashonoh and every Yom
Kippur. We stay the same!
The truth is though that things don't stay the same. Everyone
knows himself that he isn't any better than he was a year
ago. Perhaps this isn't true of everybody; I don't know
enough to be able to speak for others but each individual
knows very well about himself that he's no better than he was
last year. And not being any better means that he's for sure
worse.
Is there anyone who speaks out about bitul Torah? Are
we afraid of neglecting a moment's Torah study? Of course
we're not. And how should we be? We've already repeated that
sin so many times that it's "become permitted" in our eyes!
Do we remember to make a daily reckoning of how much time
we've neglected Torah study? It's the same with prayer and
with other things that we don't pay any attention to and that
are not even spoken about. Only when we want to get away from
someone and avoid him we feel able to tell him [in protest],
"This is bitul Torah!" But do we ever think about it
in our own minds?
The Pri Megodim writes that this is the meaning of the
posuk, "The person who justifies the evildoer and the
person who demonizes the righteous man — Hashem
abominates both of them." If a person keeps a double
standard, being lenient towards evildoers while being
stringent and demanding in judging the righteous, it is
abominable. Such is Heaven's justice; a person is judged on
the contradictions in his own behavior.
Let us all take heart together. If we take stock of our
situation and don't ignore it, we will merit Hashem being "my
salvation," which is the atonement of Yom Kippur. If we live
up to the realization of Hashem's being "my light" on Rosh
Hashonoh, thinking things over and making an accounting, we
will merit His being "my salvation." Otherwise, it is
impossible to come to a king, or even to one's friend and
say, "Forgive me!"
Why should he forgive us? If we have sinned, is He compelled
to forgive? We felt free to act as we did; does that make us
deserving of forgiveness? And among us are some that have
repeated the same sin twice or three times!
I remember many, many decades ago, the mashgiach
[HaRav Yechezkel Levenstein ztvk'l] speaking in the
Kletsk yeshiva on the eve of the Yomim Hanoro'im and
relating that a bochur came over to wish him a
shonoh tovoh and ask his pardon. The Mashgiach told
him, "Why should I pardon you? Perhaps I'm not called upon to
pardon you? I don't pardon you yet! If you tell me what
specifically I should pardon you for, I'll see whether I have
to pardon you or not. Perhaps I don't need to?"
We think that repentance and forgiveness can be taken for
granted. People go over to one another on Yom Kippur and beg
each other's pardon and tell each other, "Forgiven." People
think that they can go before Hakodosh Boruch Hu in
the same way and ask Him to "forgive us, atone for us,"
without thinking about the severity of what they've done.
They think that by doing so they've fulfilled their
obligation to repent and that that is called repentance.
Take heart and let's become stronger!
