They are well-known figures at the airports, which is
almost their second home, as they "commute" cross-continent
to their workplaces, to remain for a few days, weeks or even
months. But the home base is always Eretz Yisroel. They
wouldn't trade that for anything . . .
The difficulties and quandaries of an intercontinental
"commuting" father whose family is based in Eretz Yisroel
Part III
You are abroad for a two-three week stretch at a time. Do
you feel remote from what is going on here?
Not at all. We feel very connected to the yeshiva world and
to whatever is going on in Eretz Yisroel. We even get the
YATED by us. You would be surprised to learn that a YATED
correspondent visits us every once in a while and then we
hear all the fresh news.
How did you come to this "mission?"
A mutual friend recommended me to the administrator of the
project, when he was looking for a new candidate. I was
invited for an interview in Eretz Yisroel and a week's try on
site. In the end, I was chosen out of a list of contenders.
The terms were two weeks plus abroad and two weeks less a bit
at home. I had my doubts about being separated from the
family for such long stretches. I was afraid of homesickness.
I feared that the burden on my wife would be too much, that
the children would find it too difficult. But I knew that if
I was going on a shelichus kodesh, and that I had so
much to contribute there, I was obligated to do so and take
the chances.
With time, I realized that some of my fears were realized,
but the responsibilities of my job are so great that they
make me forget my longings for the family. I must say that I
am very happy with my position and see in it a great deal of
siyata d'Shmaya.
Have you become accustomed to the routine of
traveling?
When everything is organized and runs smoothly, the travel
time amounts to about half a day. If I must change planes en
route at a different airport, it can take another quarter of
a day, which isn't so terrible. The conditions are good and I
get Mehadrin meals. I have time to learn and even to catch
some sleep if necessary. The difficulty is in returning home,
when I have to get up before dawn, usually on a motzaei
Shabbos. I have to get organized and travel to the
airport to await my pre-morning flight. I've learned the
routine and don't get uptight before each trip. I sometimes
marvel at myself, having become `a man of the world,' and
become so familiarized to intercontinental travel.
Have you met any interesting people on your
travels?
On my way home once, I sat next to an Israeli student who
began conversing with me. It turned out that he came from a
religious home but had turned altogether secular. Recently,
however, he had begun to become interested in Yiddishkeit
again. I realized that there are many Israelis who turn
secular while in Eretz Yisroel but when they leave the
country and find themselves abroad among gentiles, something
inside them begins to open up and they are far more receptive
to hear and accept.
We had a very long talk. Among other things, he told me about
a place abroad where Israelis meet once a month to hear
lectures on Yiddishkeit. He asked my advice and wanted to
hear from me what the halochoh says about certain
matters. I felt that the deeper I went, the more he was
deriving from our exchange. I hope that the time I devoted to
him did not go to waste.
A Thirst to Hear
On the plane, I stand out with my chareidi appearance;
I can't help attracting attention — says R' Shlomo, who
has served in one of the European captials for the past five
years.
I meet many people who, in a casual conversation are willing
to open up and are very receptive to hearing about Judaism.
These can be Americans or Israelis, with whom I am able to
converse in their language. They are very thirsty to hear and
are very eager to make friends. These are frequent travelers,
like me, who recognize me and approach me with a smile and a
"Shalom." This develops into a conversation which invariably
touches upon Jewish subjects.
These people want to hear, they want to be uplifted; they are
open to receive. I have not encountered this phenomenon
anywhere else. They actually desire to hear and are
exceptionally respectful to any Jew who appears to them to be
a ben Torah. In the course of the conversation, I am
able to pick up who has a Jewish background and who doesn't
have an inkling about Yiddishkeit, who is able to absorb
something, and who less.
I utilize the time to inject as much Yiddishkeit as I
possibly can. I meet some people on a regular basis and have
formed a relationship with them. The meeting is always
pleasant.
Do you know of anyone who changed his lifestyle as a
result of your talks?
A total metamorphosis? Not that I know of. In general, those
who approach me are not altogether on the opposite side of
the fence, but may be weak and in need of chizuk. They
are generally older, more intelligent and family people. I
usually travel on Sundays and Thursdays, and these are my
travel companions.
Does an extended stay sever you from what is going on in
Eretz Yisroel?
I try to arrange it that my stay include as few Shabbosos as
possible but in any case, I am very much connected to what is
happening in Eretz Yisroel; I keep abreast of all the
subjects that interest me here. No, I don't feel removed.
When one is far away, one worries more and makes sure to
maintain a closer contact. I speak to my family at least
three times a day and know everything that's going on.
Sometimes I arrange study partnerships between the older and
the younger children. The geographic distance actually draws
the hearts closer.
Can one really become accustomed to a routine of airflight
travel?
The world has already become like a global village to me and
settled into a normal routine. At worst, the flights are
somewhat tiring, so that I must rest afterwards, as one does
after any exertion. As for parting with my family —
that will always be difficult, especially after a longer
break, like a summer month's vacation. But the separation is
not that long. Some people go away for months at a time. I
originally stipulated to spend most of the Shabbosos and
yomim tovim at home with the family. I think that is
the most significant time for a wife and children. This way,
I don't feel as if I have left, but only as if I've gone to
Carmiel or Yerucham. In a way, traveling abroad is more
comfortable and convenient than riding cross-country by bus.
All it takes is four and a half hours by plane and another
twenty minutes by cab.
Does the same work give you more satisfaction abroad than
here?
Undoubtedly so. I was doing the same work here for ten years
before I began traveling abroad. But here I felt I was one of
many doing the same thing. There I am building up the place,
building Torah. Our institution contributes to the spiritual
uplifting of the entire community; this cannot be said for
every place.
I have a close rapport with the kehillah; they are
very open and friendly. It is a very vibrant Torah center in
the very heart of the city, the vortex of tumah, but
as soon as one enters the place, one immediately feels like
in Bnei Brak or Yerusholayim — children with
payos learning and playing, avreichim with
gemoras, just like at home . . .
Chizuk for Torah — the Strength to Carry On
The feeling that she had had enough is what R' Shlomo's wife
felt after five years of this existence. He did return home
almost every week, which reduced the difficulty, and yet . .
.
What bothers you most?
In one sentence — the feeling that a woman needs her
husband and he isn't there for her. For example,
administering the financial affairs of the family;
partnership in planning a simchah like a bar mitzvah;
shidduchim; shopping; chinuch. anyone who knows
what managing a home involves can appreciate the importance
of a spouse, and the feeling of lack when he is away.
I have older sons who are away in yeshivos, so that I am not
involved in their day-to-day education. They fill in the
study and review and cement the emotional bond on Shabbos,
when he is home. My husband maintains a constant telephone
contact with them and is updated on everything that's going
on. If I am absent from the house for half an hour, he asks
where I was. It must be that being far away makes him feel a
greater sense of responsibility.
I am most upset when he has to be away for Shabbos. For a
long period, I used to invite myself to a family but now the
older boys come home for Shabbos. My oldest son, in
yeshiva gedola, presides over the Shabbos table when
he is away, but it doesn't compare to when my husband is
home.
How do the younger children react?
They get used to it. They didn't see too much of him before,
either. But they talk to him on the phone several times a
day. He is very accessible but it's not the same as his
actual presence.
Sometimes I go there for a Shabbos or during vacation time. I
get to know the people of the kehillah, the place, the
atmosphere. People are very hospitable; they feel like one
big family.
My husband derives great satisfaction from his work there; he
feels he is contributing a great deal and when I am there, I
am made to feel it too.
"What is your main difficulty?" the interviewers ask R'
Avrohom, who commutes regularly, and meets dozens of others
coming home on Thursday flights.
The loneliness. I miss my family and find that keeping tabs
by remote control is not so easy. The place where I work is
also known for the reserved nature of its people; they keep
their distance. It's a different mentality. I've formed
closer relationships here and there over my five years of
work, but the nature is cool. I feel it especially when I am
forced to remain over Shabbos.
*
One mother told about her four-year-old boy sitting on the
stoop. When she called him to come in, he said, "But I'm
waiting for Abba." "Abba won't come until tomorrow!" "So I'll
sit and wait until tomorrow . . . " And that's what many
children do — wait for their Abbas to come home . .
.
R' Yeshaya's wife compares it to diving. You take a deep
breath of fresh air and fill your lungs for that time when
you must put your head under water for some time . . . It
isn't easy.
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The Seasoned Traveler
Who is the perennial traveler? Michael Luxemburg from
Luxemburg Travel Agency describes them:
Many are professionals like diamond dealers, brokers, PR
people, investors, businessmen; many are fundraisers sent by
their institutions. Some are lecturers, like for Arachim,
others are in a teaching capacity.
Both airlines and agencies are eager to accommodate these
seasoned travelers and assure that they patronize only them.
To this end, they have created a club which offers certain
benefits such as choice of seat, quicker access to the plane
before flight, monetary kickbacks or cheaper flights for
family members, or points for all kinds of other benefits.
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