Question: What motivated you to become a matchmaker?
Answer:
We all have personal miracles. If people truly look for the
signs of Divine assistance, analyzing daily occurrences, they
will inevitably see Hashem's hand in their lives. Everything
is orchestrated from above.
The dating process as a whole should not be considered as
happening by chance. We know that there is no coincidence in
this world. Although it seems at first glance that their
neighbor just "happened to know that young man" who obviously
has so much in common with "that girl," so logically the
match was set up.
While we are caught in the midst of difficulties, we usually
don't have the clarity to see how all the events are
connected. But often only much later, when we look back, we
suddenly get a glimpse of how all the sorrows were growing
pains. The same One Who gave them to us helped us to overcome
them, making the everyday, the mundane, life lessons. If one
really searches for the Creator's interventions in his own
life, it's clear that the chain of events, as Chazal wisely
explained, are no less miraculous then the splitting of the
sea . . .
I'm originally from South America and was learning in a
seminary in Israel. A few weeks before Purim, a friend asked
me if I would meet a sweet little girl who wanted to dress up
like a Brazilian for her class's international costumes Purim
masquerade party. My acquaintance insisted that it was worth
meeting the family.
I had a nice time and became their constant guest. One time,
right before the third meal, the Rebbitzen opened the door
and apologized profusely that there had been a
misunderstanding. She hadn't realized that her husband had
invited bochurim. Since it was too late to change the
arrangements, she said that we women, would sit far from the
boys. Once the hosts saw my husband and me at the same table,
they thought of the possibility of setting us up.
The match was suggested and we went out a few times. But we
were advised to break off and try again in half a year. Soon
after, the relationship was discontinued, I traveled to visit
my family in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
I planned a short visit and made sure to book a return date.
When I arrived in Rio, I called the travel agent who, to my
surprise, mentioned that there was a misunderstanding; my
flight back was not confirmed.
The date for my return was approaching. The year was 1990 and
my family was concerned about a Gulf war, since Iraq was
threatening to invade Kuwait and international forces were
sending troops to the area. Meanwhile, the Iraqi dictator
said that if he would be attacked, he would retaliate by
sending missiles to Israel.
I kept calling the travel agent, who assured me that,
although I wasn't confirmed for the flight, I would be able
to travel then. On the day of the trip, I went to the airport
and as I was about to board, the unlikely happened — a
group of Arabs was given precedence.
I left the airport frustrated. That very same day my father
started feeling pain — the beginning of the fatal
disease that would take his life months later. Although I was
able to find another flight a few days later, my father
started a whole long battery of tests and the diagnosis was
unknown; I decided to stay longer in Brazil.
Months later, after several treatments, my father was
recovering well. The Gulf War was miraculously short, and I
started getting ready to return to Israel. Somehow, as soon
as I returned to Jerusalem, I remembered the previous
meetings with my future husband, and I decided to try it
again. At the same time, he was also interested and we
resumed the relationship. This time around, we got engaged
quickly.
There was a sad feeling that my family couldn't attend the
engagement and we even thought of getting married in
Brazil.
My chosson got in touch with an observant doctor in
Rio and kept informed of my father's condition. There was a
sudden turn for the worst, but following a ruling, I wasn't
told exactly to what extent.
The wedding date was set for the thirteenth of Av. Since on
that year Tisha B'Av was on a Friday, the fast was postdated
to Sunday. I didn't know at the time that on the tenth, the
Shabbos before the wedding, my father passed away. Rav Shlomo
Zalman Auerbach zt'l ruled that I shouldn't be told
until after the shivah (the laws of mourning only
apply once the mourner hears about the death).
One of the sheva Brochos was by my cousin. Her
neighbor, didn't know the whole situation, shared an
inspiring speech. The sages teach us that by making the bride
and groom happy one is rebuilding The Great Temple. He
continued that at that moment, they were doing that exact
thing: making my husband and I happy, and therefore
rebuilding the Temple precisely at its week of mourning.
Moreover, it was also the week of bereavement for my father .
. . I was told right after sheva Brochos. My husband
arranged for us to fly to Brazil right after mourning, when
he met my family for the first time.
What a challenge . . . How can Hashem make two people at the
height of their celebration suffer such a tragedy? But
Hashem's ways are perfect and everything is for the best. For
my father, the fact that his daughter was marrying a ben
Torah were great merits for his soul. Chazal wrote that
joyous celebrations in the year of grief are very significant
for the soul of the deceased. What was a tragic chain of
events for my husband and me helped elevate my father's
spirit and ease his judgment! That same year we had a girl;
we named her Nechama.
Thank G-d, we had a lot of support and guidance. The
suffering made us into better human beings, more sensitive
and caring. My own shidduch experience motivated me to
try to help others. Once you feel deeply the pain of others,
you want to help them with all your heart.
*
Right after sheva Brochos and the following
shivah, we went back to Brazil to visit my family. My
childhood friend Miriam came over. I suddenly remembered that
when I last saw her, in April or May of the same year, I had
thought of an idea for her, but she was then in the midst of
a serious relationship. So was he — but with someone
else . . . Both were now available and looking again.
I consulted with my mom how to go about it. Rather than
suggesting to both, I decided it would be more tactful to get
Miriam to meet the Benny's sister casually. I called Sara and
told her that she would really hit it off with Miriam. Sara
right away responded, "From what you described, it sounds
like my brother is the one that has to meet her, not me . .
." Today, my heart is filled with joy for the beautiful
family they have been raising.
A few months later, we were back to Jerusalem and settled in
our routine. My husband pleaded that we couldn't forget our
single friends struggling to find their mate. He was
particularly worried about two older yeshiva companions . .
.
"But what can I do? Who do I know?"
"When there is a will, there is a way" is my husband's motto.
"If you really care, try to think of possible contacts!"
Boruch Hashem, I found shidduchim for both of
them . . . So my dear husband concluded, "If you married them
off, maybe you could help more people" . . .
That was just the beginning . . .
*
We are put into this world for an ultimate purpose: to
fulfill Hashem's will. To me, that's one of the definitions
of being a shadchan — a sheliach mitzvah.
I remember one night, after hours on the phone, I mentioned
that I was exhausted to my husband — "I don't feel like
I have much time for myself!" He answered: "Neither do I.
What do you think it feels like being a Rosh Kollel? Our time
is not completely ours — but it was given for us to be
involved with mitzvos!"
Rebbetzin Travis has many years of experience and success
in helping people through shidduchim. Please note that
all names have been changed unless specified, with the
exception of well-known public figures like Gedolim
and educators. Any comments, questions and stories can be
sent to: dytravis@013.net.il or at (02) 656- 3111
