They tell the story of Rebbi Yeshaya Bardaky zt'l who
picked himself up and went to live in the Holy Land. He
packed his belongings and took his little son and daughter
with him. In those days, ships were not as seaworthy as they
are today: the travelers hit a storm, and the ship was tossed
about like a piece of flotsam, until it was split into two,
and sank to the bottom of the sea.
Although all the passengers were cast into the sea without
lifeboats, Rebbi Yeshayahu stayed calm. He set his little
ones on his back, told them to hold on, and began to swim:
hoping that he would reach dry land before very long. He swam
and swam, but there was no sign of any land on the
horizon.
His strength was failing him and he knew that he would have
to abandon one of the children, otherwise all three of them
would perish. They were both equally dear to him, yet the boy
could grow up to keep all the mitzvos, whereas the
girl had less obligations. As he reluctantly released her
hands from round his neck, the child screamed, "Tatte, I have
no other father! Please, please save me!" The father could
not ignore the plea, and felt that the words infused him with
extraordinary strength. He managed to pull her up again and
began to swim with superhuman energy.
When they finally reached shore, the three of them collapsed
onto the sand and lay there for quite some time. When Reb
Yeshayahu recovered somewhat, he said to his girl, "I want
you to remember what we went through for the rest of your
life. It broke my heart to leave you, but I just did not have
the strength to carry the two of you any further. Your cry
instilled extra strength into me, phenomenal strength, which
I did not know I had, and thus we were all saved. If you are
ever in despair, do not lose hope, use the same words with
which you called out to me, `Tatte in Himmel, I have
no other Father besides You! Please save me.' He can always
help!"
*
The following is another example of a few simple words which
saved a family. About fifty years ago, when boys were on a
downward road, they used to go to Denmark, just as nowadays
unfortunately, many travel to the Far East. One mother, who
saw with dismay that she would be unable to prevent her boy's
downward trend, asked him to promise her just one thing: not
to get married to a shikse. Two small words, 'I
promise', before he left home forever. In Denmark, the boy
soon forgot all about his Jewish heritage.
Time passed, the boy entered into a serious relationship with
a non-Jewish girl, and they planned to get married. He told
his fiance about the promise he had made to his mother. He
was sure she would break off the engagement, but to his
surprise, she wanted to know more about Judaism, and why it
was such a crime to 'marry out.' She was fascinated by
everything she learned, and broke off the engagement, because
she wanted to convert with true idealism. Unlike her former
fiance, she decided to keep Torah and mitzvos. In the
end, he became a true penitent, and decided to keep
mitzvos again. They got together once more, married
and moved to Israel, where they established a wonderful
home.
*
Dina was heartbroken when she heard the doctor's diagnosis.
She felt she would never be able to cope with the
difficulties of raising her 'special' child. Her instincts
carried her straight to her mother's house where she cried
bitterly. When she was slightly calmer, her mother told her
of her own childhood in a concentration camp, a story she had
never mentioned before. She told her how, at the age of ten,
she had been entirely alone with only the clothes on her
back, and no possessions of any kind; she told how she had
stood there and cried helplessly. A fellow survivor looked at
her and said, "Crying will not solve anything, child; you
must learn how to cope with living." The words became her
motto for life.
A dentist who was one of these strong men who spoke little
was married to a frail little wife. She was rushed into the
hospital with a ruptured appendix, and grew steadily weaker
after the operation. The doctor tried to encourage her, and
told her to be strong for the sake of her husband. "He is so
strong, he does not need anyone." That night the doctor told
her husband that she had lost the will to live, and he did
not think she would make it. The dentist was distraught and
asked if another transfusion would help, as they had the same
blood group. The doctor arranged for a direct transfusion,
straight from the donor into her veins. As he lay there, with
his blood flowing into his wife's veins, he said, "You've got
to get well; I'm going to make you well." "Why?" she asked
weakly. "Because I need you."
There was a pause; her pulse quickened and her eyes
brightened, as she turned her head towards him. "You never
told me that before." Discussing the incident later, the
doctor said, "You know, it was not the blood transfusion that
made the difference between life and death, but the few words
you said as you were giving the blood."
*
"Our family suffered a terrible loss, and were all enveloped
in grief: the widow, his children and we, his parents. A
woman came to the shivah, a great woman who had also
lost a son, and as she left she said, `If you are strong, the
whole family will follow your example.'
"At first, I wondered how she could even imagine that I would
have the strength to cope with my sorrow, but the words went
round and round in my head, like a broken record. 'If you are
strong, if you are strong, . . .' Those words imbued me with
the strength I needed: I knew she was right. If I indulged in
self-pity and tears, the family would take their cue from me.
Watching my calm outward demeanor, the family gradually got
back to an even keel."
*
Regrettably, negative words have as much power as positive
ones. They too will reverberate in a person's mind for a long
time to come, if not forever. For example, 'You are so
unreliable,' or 'What a clumsy child you are!' 'You'll never
be a good cook.' 'All shadchanim are liars.'
Children hear your words and absorb them. Think twice before
you reiterate these labels, and use the gift of speech and
the power of a few words in as positive way as you possibly
can, so that your special values will accompany your children
and ring in their heads for the rest of their lives.
