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4 Kislev 5765 - November 17, 2004 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Home and Family

A Shidduch is Made
by Bruchy Laufer

Based on a true story with facts obviously changed

In the thriving Jewish community of Yehopetsville lived the beautiful daughter of Sima and Gershon Shoen. Vivienne had been blessed with an abundance of talents and gifts from Hashem. She was tall, smart, attractive and of a happy disposition. At twenty-five plus, she held an office job in the business section uptown. She was putting away hundreds of dollars each month to be able to support a learning husband. Someday.

With all earthly blessings on her side, one wondered why Vivienne was still single. Kalman, a young and budding shadchon, contacted Sima Shoen early in June about a really wonderful boy that he thought would be suitable for Vivienne.

While waiting for the ringing phone to be answered, Kalman sang a tune under his breath, simultaneously making calculations in his head. "Let's say they'll meet six times, all in all. First twice a week, then as they get to know each other better, they'll want to meet every second day. And the parents will have to meet, too. So in about three weeks from now, after the vort, I should be $2,000 richer. My wife deserves a dryer. She shouldn't be hanging clothes on the line anymore. Yes, I think I'll go order one tomorrow and write a check for three weeks from now."

"Hello," Kalman's thoughts were interrupted by an answering machine. He left a message and asked the Shoens to call him back ASAP about a shidduch for Vivienne.

Sima called back much sooner than expected. "Hello, this is Mrs. Shoen, Vivienne's mother, returning your call. Please grab a pencil and write down the following questions which I want you to answer before we even hear the name of the boy. Ready?

1. Where does he learn?

2. How old is he?

3. Is he considered the best boy in his yeshiva?

4. If so, why isn't he married yet?

5. Are his parents respected members in the community? In other words, do they have money?

6. Who are the grandparents, aunts, uncles?

7. Who are their mechutonim, if any?

8. Are there any illnesses in the immediate or the extended family?

9. Which part of town do all their relatives live?

10. What are the hidden facts we should know, the skeletons in the closet, so to speak? You must unearth them for us.

"Have you gotten it all down? Are you still with me?" Sima asked, not hearing anything from the other end of the line.

Kalman was stunned, to put it mildly. He suddenly understood why Vivienne was still single.

Kalman cleared his throat. "Yes, yes, of course."

"Listen, Kalman," continued Sima. "I know it's not very fair, but considering Vivienne's advanced age, I'd like you to do a rush job and call us back no later than a week from now."

Kalman sadly saw his wife's dryer vanishing into thin air. Not wanting to admit defeat so quickly, he just answered. "Shall do."

Kalman was in such a state of shock that he only realized that he was still holding the receiver when the busy tone started grating in his ears.

He tore out a piece of paper from his Shadchan Notebook and wrote out a plan how to go about finding out the pertinent information that would satisfy all of Sima's questions.

1. Speak to other shadchonim.

2. ——- What should Number 2 be?

Kalman tugged at his beard and decided to first speak to other shadchonim and then he would take it from there. He decided to meet Mendel Glick at maariv that night, after which he went off to kollel.

*

Vivienne got off at the bus stop nearest her office. She thought of it as `her' office since she was the only accountant still with the firm, from all the girls who had started out together with her many years ago. The firm belonged to a religious fellow who made sure that his offices were run according to the strictest degree of tzniyus. This made his firm a most sought after job opportunity within the religious Jewish commmunity of Yehopetsville.

Vivienne loved her job and now, due to her senior status, was the one to break in any new girls and show them the ropes. The young girls looked up to her as some sort of mother figure as they slowly gained confidence at their job. They asked her questions which weren't always related to numbers and accounts. They admired her for conducting herself in the same modest way as when she had left Bais Yaakov many years before.

Now, as she walked briskly to her job, Vivienne let her pent- up feelings intrude in her thoughts about her future. A lifetime away which seemed as unreachable as the pot of gold at the end of a never appearing rainbow.

She trusted her parents implicitly, as she had so many times told would-be shadchonim who had tried to circumvent them and suggest matches directly to her. She knew they were devoted to her and only wanted what was best for her. They had told her so countless times.

As her classmates had gotten engaged, one by one, and then married, her parents explained to her that they were looking for the best of the best for her, the creme de la creme.

From as far back as she could remember, Vivienne had always played Mommy, lavishing oodles of love on her collection of dolls. As she grew older, she would organize her siblings and their friends for games and story telling. She secretly prepared fifteen favorite names for all her future children and only realized she was getting older when some of her classmates already had children in sixth grade. Never wanting to hurt her parents' feelings, she never confronted them about their unreasonable demands for their future son-in- law.

Vivienne wasn't an only child, either. She had seven siblings of marriageable age under her, growing older day by day. And still, her parents were steadfast in their demands for Mr. Perfect. She wanted Mr. Perfect, too. She just didn't deem it necessary for his parents to be financially of the upper middle class. Nor did she think it proper to dig up skeletons from someone else's closet. Her parents assured her that she was too young to judge such matters.

Vivienne sprinted up the three front stairs and sighed. She said a quick prayer to Hashem that He open up her parents' eyes and minds to her plight and make them more flexible, for her sake. She prayed to quickly, finally, meet her bashert.

*

Kalman met Mendel Glick that night in shul. "Tell me, Mendel, how does one go about finding the real inside details about a proposed shidduch?"

Mendel looked Kalman in the eye and smiled. "I bet you called the Shoens about a boy, right? Forget it. Don't bother with them. It seems to me that they don't really want to marry off their children. Those ten questions are just to throw the shadchonim off their backs." He shrugged his shoulders.

It was sad how some parents thought that their children were the greatest ever created and they wouldn't settle for anything less than their preconceived notions, even if those weren't firmly grounded in reality. But if Mendel thought Kalman took his advice, he was mistaken. Kalman very badly wanted to get his wife a dryer.

One week to the day, Kalman called back. "Hello, this is Kalman. I have all the information ready, but with your permission, I would like to tell you the answer to Question #10 first."

"Yes, yes, by all means..."

"The mother has a brother who never married. It's quite a long story and they keep it very well buried," Kalman began. Sima listened.

"When the Iron Curtain first came down, groups of young boys were sent to Russia as counselors in summer camps which opened in major cities in Russia. The goal was to introduce Yiddishkeit to young Jewish boys who until then had had no exposure to it, had not met religious young men as role models. This particular boy whom we shall call Moishe, signed up together with his friend, Feivish.

"After a brief course in spoken Russian, they packed their suitcases and flew to the Ukraine. The camp was a major success. The Russian boys were turned on and many made arrangements to continue their Jewish education in yeshivos. Moishe was proud of himself and his fellow counselors. Besides being the catalysts for the children growing towards Torah and mitzvos, they had a fabulous time exploring the countryside. All in all, it was a most memorable summer.

"There was one sore spot, however. Feivish turned out to be a real killjoy. He always found something to grumble about. He made sure to point out any negative aspect that cropped up and downplayed the positive. Moishe decided that he had had enough of Feivish."

Kalman paused to take a breath. There was no response at the other end. "Are you still with me?" he asked.

"Unh hunh," said Sima noncommittedly.

"Well, Moishe made inquiries and found out that Feivish was scheduled to fly together with him in the first group returning home. Ten other boys would be flying back two days later. Moishe told the head counselor that under no circumstances would he travel together with Feivish. He had had enough of his spoilsporting and grumpiness in the past two months. He wanted to finally be rid of him and wanted no additional test in patience. Shimon, the head counselor, refused to hear anything of the sort.

"We've already bought the tickets and made all the arrangements for your departure. We can't make any major changes now. This is a very bureauocratic and undeveloped country, you know. So hurry up, get your suitcase ready near the main entrance. Right after shacharis, the van to the airport will be waiting for you."

"Shimon hurried off to take care of last-minute logistics. Moishe was still determined not to be stuck with Feivish's company, come what may. As he made his way to the auditorium which served as the makeshift shul, he saw Feivish hang his raincoat on one of the hooks near the door.

"As Moishe walked past the coats and towards the door, he suddenly had a brainstorm. He stealthily stuck his hand into the pocket and pulled out the passport. Then with an air of confidence, he briskly walked up to the aron kodesh, kissed the poroches, as if to say good-bye, and clandestinely slipped the passport deep inside the oron, behind the sefer Torah.

"He went to his place and busied himself jotting a note indicating where the passport could be found, and dropped it in Feivish's pocket afterwards.

"Unsuspecting Feivish joined the rest of the boys in the van for the two hour drive to the airport. As Moishe had planned, Feivish only discovered the loss when he got to the check-in counter at the airport. There was no way he could get his passport in time for the flight. Dejectedly, he returned to the camp grounds and found the missing passport just where the note had indicated, never guessing who had played this nasty trick on him. He went home two days later with the second group of camp staff.

"A smug and satisfied Moishe had a pleasant and peaceful trip home and quickly settled down to routine. He chuckled to himself whenever he recalled the details of the harmless episode.

"A few weeks later, Shimon called Moishe and asked him very bluntly, `Were you the one who hid Feivish' passport?'

"`Yes,' answered Moishe with a touch of pride at having pulled it off successfully.

"`Well, Moishe, I believe you should know the other side of this story,' said Shimon. `Feivish was supposed to meet a girl immediately after he got home. It had all been arranged for him, but the girl decided to meet another boy, instead, and soon got engaged to him. Of course, everything in marriage is predestined, but you were the one who caused heartache to Feivish and his family.

"`It's before Rosh Hashono, Moishe, and I believe you have to ask him for forgiveness.' And with that, the head counselor hung up. Moishe was overwhelmed with guilt. He hadn't intended to cause Feivish any more than a slight discomfort with his practical joke. Certainly not such aggravation! His `innocent' prank had backfired in a big way!

"Moishe couldn't forgive himself for having done something so wicked. Not knowing how to deal with his guilt, he vowed never to get married."

Kalman cleared his throat and then waited. For a moment, nobody spoke.

"How dare you?" Sima sputtered. "How dare you besmirch our good name by publicizing something as private as that?" she shouted, close to hysteria. "Nobody here in Yehopetsville even knows I have a brother who's still single. Now you've gone and ruined all of our opportunities for making a decent shidduch for all of our children by exposing this story!"

"Calm down, Mrs. Shoen. I'm the only one in town who knows this story. My source, you should know, was not local..."

"But why did you have to go and dig up this story?"

"You asked me to, didn't you? You told me to find out all the hidden skeletons in the closet. Everyone has closets..." answered Kalman in a soft voice.

Sima croaked. "I'm sorry. It wasn't right of me. Let's get back on track. Tell me more about the boy. Tell me about numbers one through nine. If you've gone to all the trouble to research it so thoroughly, let me do justice to your work."

After being filled in on the details, Sima Shoen urged Kalman to call the boy's parents and arrange for a meeting between the boy and girl.

Three weeks later, on schedule, two very happy occasions were celebrated in Yehopetsville. Vivienne finally got engaged and Kalman's wife got a brand new dryer.

 

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