Maran HaRav Eliyohu Dessler's extensive understanding of the
psyche, or kochos hanefesh, certainly endowed him with
a deeper understanding in the subject of chinuch which
is based on the kochos hanefesh of the student/child.
We have not been fortunate enough to have an organized thesis
on the subject, apparently due to the lack of the proper
opportunity. But a bit here, a smattering there, provide us
with insights from talks and writings and also from specific
oral messages given to students (see boxes).
It is interesting that the approach of correspondence, a form
of remote control education, was practiced by his father,
HaRav Reuven Dov to his son, Maran the Mashgiach, throughout
the years of his life, as he testifies.
"From early youth until we came to London, it was my father,
z'l's custom to write to me words of mussar, to
which I would always reply with my thoughts on his words."
Revelations from letters published last year for the first
time in the new Memorial Book (Sefer Zikoron: Michtav
MeEliyohu, of which we published excerpts in last year's
edition of parshas Shemos) contribute much towards the
amazing chapter found presented in the course of his letters
to his son, who had not yet reached bar mitzva age, and left
his parent's home in London for a distant Lithuanian yeshiva.
The approach, which incorporates central fundamentals in the
education of a child, finds expression in the best possible
manner and serves as a personal example.
A close study of the letters give the feeling of a marching
hand-in-hand, in the path of the boy forging his way towards
the future while using the changing elements that include
encouragement, emotional empathy to a great degree, and
simultaneously, creating a challenge that is steeped in a sea
of boundless love.
In the first letter that greeted the son upon his arrival in
the distant Vilkomir, he opens with a "Welcome to Vilkomir."
And even before the son has inhaled the scent of this new
place, he is already asked to fulfill a request: "We are very
eager to hear a detailed report about your trip and arrival."
And then, an appreciation of the formidable step in his new
life.
"You are beginning a new life, now. Pay attention lest you
lose your wealth and fortune [that is, what you have already
acquired in life] . . . and be happy in your studies." In a
postscript, the father presents a demand that the son pay
personal attention to the attribute of gratitude. This is
directed towards his Rosh Mesivta; it is a relationship which
will guarantee a proper and healthy relationship between
student and teacher-master and will create in his heart the
proper channels for his receiving the hashpo'oh with
which his maggid shiur can enrich him.
"Say `shalom' to your teachers, the rabbonim geonim, and
especially to HaRav HaGaon R' Yisroel Dovid. Bear in mind the
innumerable kindnesses that he is doing for you."
In the letter that comes as a reply to the son's letter, the
lines seem to convert themselves into a outstretched arm, as
it were, patting him on the one hand, and urging him onward
on the other. "The shiur which you transcribed for me
is written intelligently and with wisdom, according to your
capability [a compliment and stimulus at the same time], and
gave me deep pleasure. I thank you very much for the great
satisfaction you gave . . . [And now, again, the above motifs
are repeated.] And truly, that shiur is marvelous. And
since you have the opportunity to hear such lessons, you must
feel obligated to pay strict attention and to listen to them
very carefully and to make an effort to understand them
thoroughly."
Maran the Mashgiach now turns to an interesting paragraph in
which the father executes an active kind of correspondence
which expresses "a deep interest" which somehow reduces the
physical distance that separates them and creates a contact
of interest which any son actually being in his father's
close proximity would be fortunate to enjoy.
"I am sending you back your letter so that you can study it
and understand what I am responding to, but please respond in
your next letter because I always love to read and reread
your words. I derive great pleasure and satisfaction from
reading your letters, seeing that you, my beloved and darling
son, are capable of explaining and understanding lessons such
as these."
After revealing his appreciation and affection, Maran the
Mashgiach attempts to anticipate an upcoming crisis.
Apparently, he was able to foresee the development of a gap
between his scholastic achievements in England and his peers
in established Lithuania. He anticipates the inevitable
crisis with an expression of confidence in his son's ability
to bridge the gap. "The truth is that you should have been
able to achieve more in lomdus according to your
capabilities, and perhaps your peers have surpassed you. But
I imagine that you must work extra hard, diligently, so that
it will not be apparent that they learned in Vilkomir and
you, in London . . . But I hope that with Hashem's help, your
blessed talents will enable you to pursue and overtake them
soon enough if you work hard and persevere in your studies.
Make sure that you listen to the lessons well and understand
them, and participate avidly in the discussions with fervor
and zest in the subject."
As a postscript, he offers guidance in the laws of derech
eretz and tips on maintaining good health, as well as how
to conduct himself with his friends. "My dear son, I ask that
your attire be at all times clean and that you keep your
things in proper order. Do not neglect your health, for you
know that you suffered from rheumatism, and since Lithuania
is not England. You know well that we are distant from you
but our hearts are with you alone. Do not cause us any
anxiety. See to it that we are assured that you are taking
care of yourself. Endear yourself unto friends, be generous
with them, and most important of all, heed to the utmost
everything that your rabbis tell you."
*
The following letter was sent to his son just before his bar
mitzvah. Several lines relate to the event and contain
important educational directives.
"Write to us what you would like us to give you as a bar
mitzvah gift, for we want you to have something that will
give you pleasure and satisfaction . . . While this is not
the primary thing, still we, for our part, will do everything
possible, for our love for you is very great. You are the
very apple of our eye. The main thing, of course, is what you
will do in preparation for your bar mitzvah. To what extent
will you ready yourself in anticipation of the new
responsibilities which you will have when you become a mature
Jew, one who is obligated by the mitzvos. Will you begin to
understand the significance of it at all? For suddenly, you
will become a bar chiyuva like any adult Jew."
*
From between the lines there emerges a uniform tone which
tries to bind together an appreciation for his
accomplishments while directing a similar appreciation for
the son towards his teachers. After the son wrote to his
father concerning arousal in the area of mussar, the
father did not fail to pursue this thread for all it was
worth. "The words of mussar which you transcribed for
me were soul-refreshing. Why did you withhold them from me up
until now? My beloved son, I never imagined that these lofty,
exalted things were being presented before you. And now,
since you have been privileged to receive such light, you
must absorb it to its utmost and ascend higher and higher. If
you had copied more of the words of mussar, you would
have caused me that much more pleasure. You probably
understand that it is your obligation to see that we derive
nachas from you, after our sacrificing so much to
raise you and make you successful . . . "
An additional note which crops up occasionally is a warning
against a sense of complacency from any show of overestimated
esteem. When the son visits his relatives in Kelm, the father
foresees displays of affection which the uncle is bound to
shower upon his nephew who has come from afar. "I hope that
you will fully enjoy your visit in Kelm with your dear
grandparents and uncles and aunts. I imagine that they will
shower you with love and attention there, perhaps more than
you deserve, for great is love that supersedes all
boundaries. And don't we all love you dearly, apple of our
eye . . ."
A delicate Kelmer distinction is apparent here that plays
between a display of esteem towards him which is the poison
of self pride and accepting his message within the framework
of parental love, which exists without boundaries and
limits.
In an additional letter concerning the study of mussar,
Maran the Mashgiach tries to foster in his son the
attribute of sensitivity, to be sure it comes after the son,
himself, initiated the dialogue, while reminding him of his
relationship towards his grandfather, the Alter of Kelm, and
his great-grandfather, HaGaon R' Yisroel Salanter zy'o.
"Regard the rock from which you sprang forth," he writes
metaphorically, "and your world-famous antecedents, may their
merit protect us. We are obligated to follow in their
footsteps, and surely in the World of Truth their sole desire
and hope is to see their descendant, great-grandson and
grandson, treading their holy path, the path of mussar
and G-d-fear, truly and wholeheartedly, and not only
mouthing it superficially like so much bird-talk. I actually
have a great deal to write on the subject, but I shall await
your reply which should be the product of introspection on
what I have written to you already (a major principle which
his grandfather, Maran the Alter of Kelm, revealed) and you
will surely have what to add to what the world considers
`Yiddishkeit' and how the school of mussar
looks at this . . ."
This mention of family relationships also appears with regard
to polemic discussion over the teachings of the author of
Hagahos Ben Aryeh by the father of HaRav Yisroel
Salanter, HaRav Zeev ben Aryeh. "Try to find some kind of
response to the questions, for you surely also take pleasure
in the teachings of our brilliant forebear, and since we are
his descendants, we should discuss his words . . ."
As stated, Maran HaRav Eliyohu Dessler made repeated use of
this point which comes to endear in his son's eyes the esteem
of his ancestry and simultaneously to make him aware of the
obligation of following in his footsteps. "You must try to be
like your source . . ."
A Souvenir from His First Chiddush
The letters are replete with an emotional show of interest in
his son's progress but that does not begin to compare with
the avid interest he shows towards the first chiddushei
Torah which the son innovates. The father's expression of
joy is an extreme exhibit of encouragement and support. "This
is the first time that I have seen a dvar Torah from
you, innovated completely by you. Blessed is the One Who has
granted us to live to see this day! It is a veritable yom
tov for me today! A time of rejoicing and exultation . .
."
Let us see to what extent his encouragement reaches: Maran,
R' Eliyohu adds: "I intend to send this card with your
chiddush to Kelm this very day, to your dear uncles so
that they rejoice as well. I am now sending you the text for
you to address, for the first time in your life, a letter to
your great uncle, R' Chaim Ozer shlita. I have no
doubt that he will send an affectionate reply, and may that
first letter be a precious souvenir for you . . . May you
merit to see him face to face and also to correspond with
him."
From this episode, Maran conveys to his son the tremendous
sense of pride and joy which his novella gave him, so that
his son would increase his own desire to continue to innovate
divrei Torah, via which he becomes a correspondent to
those great Jewish figures who are so exalted in stature.
But this is still not enough. Maran adds and writes, "I also
wish to inform you that to commemorate this momentous day of
your first chiddush, I am presenting you with an
important gift. I have acquired a Ramban on Shas,
which I am giving to you and inscribing therein, today, a
note commemorating the event. Similarly, I am sending you one
dollar. Do with it what you wish to remember this joyous day
in which you caused us such great joy with your first
chiddush."
Both of Us, a Mantle for a Sefer Torah
When Maran's only daughter paid a visit to Kelm together with
her mother and brothers at the beginning of the Second World
War, the impenetrable wall of war suddenly sprang up,
separating the father from his family. The Mashgiach then
wrote personal letters to his thirteen-year-old daughter, in
one of which he movingly apologizes for their forced extended
stay in the Kelmer Beis HaTalmud during which she would
absorb important educational lessons.
"You are in the environment of a yeshiva, but no mere
yeshiva, rather the most exalted and holy one, the Beis
HaTalmud of Kelm. You are living within the very building of
the yeshiva, and your ears are absorbing the sweet sound of
Torah study, the sound of the word of the Living G-d. All
this is in the merit of your illustrious grandparents. The
atmosphere which you breathe is steeped with holiness, and
may it be a source of spirituality for the rest of your life
. . . For you will hear there the sound of the sacred prayers
which have nothing to compare with in the entire world . . .
And you know that they are studying mussar, which
aligns our very hearts . . . While it is truly very difficult
for me to be separated from you, but when I remind myself of
the great joy and treasure which your soul is acquiring
thereby, I am very happy, despite this difficulty. Ask them
to show you the place where I sat in the Beis HaTalmud . . .
there, by the window and the bookcase on the left side. That
is where I stood and prayed, where I studied mussar . .
."
Here Maran goes on to describe the history of the connection
between the antecedents of the family from his mother's side,
that of Maran the Alter of Kelm, and the ancestors from the
Dessler side, their designated places, the wall clock that
was donated by his father and so on. "This clock administered
the clockwork flow of sessions in Beis HaTalmud for forty-
five years."
"Tell me, my daughter, did you see the large sefer Torah
in the Beis HaTalmud? It belonged to your grandmother,
mother of my father-master, who donated it. I used to read
from it every Shabbos. (At this point, he tries to implant a
deep emotional attachment in her heart). If you are inspired
to do something special, to make a mantle for this sefer
Torah, know that it is yours, in any case, and may its
memory be forever before your mind's eye."
After implanting the emotional bond to the place and the
blood relationship and spiritual connection that flows
through her veins, Maran felt the need to guide her in her
studies during the moving period which she was to experience.
"Study and know what you have learned, so that eventually you
will be able to study on your own.
