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13 Tammuz 5765 - July 20, 2005 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Produced and housed by
Shema Yisrael Torah Network
Shema Yisrael Torah Network

Opinion & Comment
Proper Torah Chinuch

by HaRav Shimon Moshe Diskin

Part III

In the first part, HaRav Diskin said that even though the Maccabeeim on the original Chanukah could have used impure oil to light the Menorah since it was for communal purposes, but since they were setting the foundation in chinuch of the Menorah they had to use pure oil in order to ensure that the subsequent avodas Hashem using it would be proper. Similarly, in setting the educational foundations of children, everything must be pure. Educating a child is not just educating one person — it is laying the foundation for generations to come.

A parent must do what is best for his child, and not be concerned with his own comfort. He should be concerned that his child fulfill all of his potential. Parents should not assume that their children are like themselves. One must not fight a modern war with last generation's weapons. The yetzer hora always makes sure to use the latest and most modern techniques, so he must be countered with the methods that can defeat him.

In the second part, HaRav Diskin explained that part of educating is to daven to Hashem for success. Brochos from tzadikim are no shortcut. A mother's tears are important for yiras Shomayim. Also, one educates by example as much as by what one explicitly tells his children. When answering them, we should give full, understandable replies and not superficial dismissals. We must inspect their reading material to ensure that it is not tainted. Do not take anything for granted.

Parents Must Always Take Interest in Their Children

On this occasion, I want to caution parents about a problem I have encountered in yeshivos and cheders. There are few parents who interest themselves in their children's education. This is even more so in yeshivos. In all the years I have been occupied with chinuch I have actually only met a few such individuals who sincerely inquired and kept track of their children's progress. This is not an exaggeration. I cannot specify the exact reasons for this, the fact that parents, after enrolling their sons in a yeshiva, remove from themselves the responsibility for their children's education. Apparently they assume that his neshomoh is handed over to a dependable guardian and they now need to devote only a little time to find out about the child's growth in Torah and yiras Shomayim. Only when, chas vesholom, a mishap occurs, they complain why the whole time they were not told about their son's weaknesses and are totally surprised.

Sometimes their lack of interest is caused by fright — that perhaps they will hear something not too pleasant. They therefore prefer to live in an imaginary world where everything is fine — to bury their heads in the sand. Or maybe the reason is their refined nature, their not wanting to bother those responsible for his education.

It makes no difference whether the reasons are virtuous or not; for the results are the same. They are negligent about guarding the pikodon that Hashem has given them. When, Rachmono litzlan, a child becomes ill and the father must admit him to a hospital, does the father not continually ask the doctors and nurses about his child? Does he feel he is bothering them? I must tell the parents who abstain from asking about their children because their refined character refrains from disturbing others, that this is not correct. On the contrary, those engaged in education are insulted that parents do not take an interest in their children, and the neglect puzzles them greatly.

I feel I must also mention the accepted approach among many parents, that they must help their children with their studies only when their child is behind his class and is a weak student. When that happens the parent has no choice and supports him with the additional help of a kollel man and such. This approach is incorrect. Shlomoh Hamelech writes (Mishlei 9:9), "Give instruction to a wise man and he will be yet wiser." On the contrary, if your son is talented and possesses spiritual gifts, tutoring him will help him advance. Giving him special instruction will help him grow and elevate himself much more.

The financial burden should not bother the parents, although they sometimes correctly think that their income and salary is fixed and they cannot undertake any extra permanent monthly expenses, especially not substantial ones. This thought seems to be truly persuasive, but they should look at it differently and with a different approach.

Would you not be prepared to spend a certain sum in order to make your son into a lamdan and an elevated Jew? When one-time expenses are needed at home, either for painting, buying a new refrigerator, or other similar expense, you do not refrain because of the above considerations. Why do you not think that with this sum you will be zocheh to a son who is an exceptional talmid chochom?

I have only written what is obvious and well-known. My only intent is to awaken people to think, and that parents who feel they do not know enough to educate their son properly should seek the advice of a talmid chochom whom they trust, to guide them in the proper way. In this way, they will be doing what they are obliged to do and Hashem will help them succeed in their endeavors.

The Attribute of Hashem's Goodness

". . . visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands of generations of those who love Me and keep My commandments" (Shemos 20:5). Rashi explains that we understand from the posuk that Hashem's middoh tovoh is five hundred times greater than His attribute of retribution: punishment is only until the fourth generation but reward is for two thousand generations.

There is a difficulty in the above. Avimelech said to Avrohom, "Now therefore swear to me here by Hashem in all that you do; now therefore swear to me here by Hashem that you will not deal falsely with me, nor with my great- grandson, nor with my grandson; but according to the kindness that I have done to you, you shall do to me" (Bereishis 21:23). Rashi explains that the pity of a father on his son extends only until his great-grandson.

If HaKodosh Boruch Hu, because of His middoh tovoh, were to reward five hundred sons, grandsons, or great-grandsons, this would be a proof of the middoh tovoh being five hundred times greater than the middoh of retribution. However, what Hashem rewards two thousand generations, this is not a reward to the particular person who did the mitzvah, since he apparently has no connection with it and his personal mercy does not extend so far. Although some mercy undoubtedly does exist, this does not represent a five hundredfold reward.

Yaakov says about his sons Shimon and Levi, "Let my soul not come into their council" (Bereishis 49:6). Rashi explains that this refers to Korach, whose ancestry is traced only up to Levi. In contrast, concerning the avodoh of the Leviim the ancestry is traced back to Yaakov.

How can this be explained? Apparently, anyone from Yaakov's lineage is related to Yaakov both for good and for bad. Can someone take credit only for the good and not the bad?

The Ramban comments on the posuk, "Lest there should be among you a man, or woman, or family, or tribe, whose heart turns away this day from Hashem our Elokim" (Devorim 29:17), that the root of the sins that Yisroel committed in later generations was already present at that time, in the desert.

When the shevotim said that Pinchas was descended from "Putiel" they meant to criticize him, but the Torah instead wrote that he stemmed from Aharon to testify about the quality of [his killing of Zimri], as the commentaries write. Accordingly, this is what Yaakov intended in his request about Shimon and Levi. Yaakov said that he was pure and was not the spiritual source for the machlokes of Korach. The middoh tovoh was that when referring to the avodoh, the Torah related Korach's sons to Yaakov, since in this case he was the root for their lofty level.

This can be further explained. Korach was the fifth generation from Yaakov. The middoh tovoh extends forever but the middoh of punishment is only until the fourth generation. Goodness is a person's real essence, since the neshomoh that Hashem has placed in man is tohor, and in their goodness a person's descendants are surely a continuation of him. Anything that is a certain way in its essence will still remain so even after many generations. Therefore even after thousands of generations, those born are a continuation of their first father.

However, when a Jew sins he is not changing his essence. He is only wearing an external garment and his connection to that sin extends only until the fourth generation.

For Yaakov Ovinu the middoh ro'oh of punishment for sins actually extended only to his fourth generation (and Korach was the fifth generation), but the middoh tovoh truly extends all the way back to him because his essence continues forever. The reward for virtuous acts can continue until thousands of generations but punishment is only until four generations. If Avimelech's fifth generation were to be punished for their sins by Yaakov's children it would not concern Avimelech any longer, since sin is not a person's essence and his responsibility does not extend so far.

HaRav Shimon Moshe Diskin, zt'l, was a rosh yeshiva in Yeshivas Kol Torah in Yerushalayim. His yahrtzeit is 16 Tammuz.


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