Several years ago, when we had only been living in Eretz
Yisroel for a short while, a notice appeared in my mailbox
announcing a fundraiser for mothers and daughters, that was
to be held on a certain date to benefit a local charity.
The fundraiser was an evening event and its format was
spectacular by any standard. It was being held at a hall that
is usually used for weddings. The guest speaker was a well-
known rebbetzin. There was going to be a comedy skit. To top
it all off, a full catered meal was going to be served.
A neighbor and I made reservations to attend. We entered the
hall, found a table that had two empty seats together, and
sat down. Our tablemates were three women who had come with
their daughters, three girls who knew each other either from
their neighborhood or from school.
After a round of introductions, we each got up, washed and
began the meal. On the table in front of us was a lovely
selection of salads, presented in identical oval shaped small
white china dishes. Each of the women took a small helping of
the salad that was in front of her and passed it to the woman
sitting next to her.
Soon everyone had a spoonful each of mixed salad, grilled
eggplant, pickles, humous and tehina, corn salad and coleslaw
on the small plate that sat atop her dinner plate. We ate and
talked and the little salad serving plates were passed around
and around again until everyone stopped taking seconds,
thirds or whatever. By unspoken consensus, everyone stopped
the passing game.
After a while, a waitress appeared with a tray and took away
both the serving dishes and the small first-course plates. We
continued to chat and after another short interval the
waitress returned with three more of the small oval serving
dishes. One dish held rice, a second contained fried potatoes
with gravy, and the third was filled with cooked peas and
carrots.
The rice was placed in front of one of the teenagers. She
picked up the dish, skillfully took exactly a third of the
rice and placed it on the dinner plate in front of her. Then
she handed the serving dish to the friend sitting next to
her, who did the same. The dish was then passed to the third
girl who carefully emptied it into her dinner plate, being
careful to clean out every last grain of rice.
At this point, the mother of one of the girls said in a loud
stage whisper to her daughter, "Sorale (not her real name),
how could you girls do such a thing? There are five more
ladies at the table and now there isn't any rice left for
anyone else!" The daughter, nonplussed, just mumbled,
"They'll bring more," as she and her friends started the same
sharing routine with the potatoes.
Sure enough, after another while the waitress did bring three
more full dishes. We women did not know how many times the
"refill" technique would work, so to be on the safe side, we
each took about a fifth of the new supply. The waitress came
back again and this time she had a massive tray laden with
baked chicken legs, fried schnitzel and turkey roll which she
served individually, thank G-d. However, I have always
wondered what the proper etiquette is vis-a-vis those
ubiquitous little china dishes that are used at almost every
Israeli local catered affair from brissim to
weddings.
When seated at a table for six, it is reasonable to take a
sixth of the food and then pass the little serving dish.
However, at a table for ten or twelve it seems a bit
ridiculous to take about a teaspoon full of rice, half a
dozen small peas and one slice of potato. Certainly another
dish of each of the vegetables or grains will appear on the
table at some time in the near future. However, one does seem
greedy if one takes too much on the first round.
In life, as well as in the somewhat artificial world of
catered dinners, is there such a thing as a fair share? I
know very sweet, pretty and talented young women (and not-so-
young women as well) who are always the guest at the
wedding, and never the queen in the white gown and
jeweled headpiece, never seated on the beautiful throne chair
surrounded by admirers.
I also know excellent young men who were diligent students
all through cheder. but were not accepted to the high
school level yeshiva ketanah of their choice, and
others who are neither the best nor the brightest who are in
top yeshivas. The same can be said for girls and
seminaries.
There are wonderful, loving women out there who would make
the world's best mothers but have not yet had that
opportunity. On the other hand, there are mothers of large
broods who still seem to go into maternity clothing for about
half of each year.
They used to say that if you build a better mousetrap the
world will beat a path to your door. However, we have all
seen brilliant businessmen who have invested all of their
time, energy, talent and money into the manufacturing or
marketing of a well-made useful product, only to see their
businesses go bust.
On the other hand, there was someone in the States who became
wealthy by putting small round stones into tiny gift boxes
and selling them along with a cutesy little message about how
to take care of your new "pet rock."
It is clear that the One Above doles out the zivugim,
the places in schools, the children and the livelihood. Only
He knows our "fair share." And, fortunately, that is not a
fixed amount.
There is one time each year when we can each put in a
petition to increase our share of whatever is available in
this world, be it shidduchim, children, health, wealth-
- -you name it. That time is Elul-Tishrei, when the King is
in the field, accessible to us all.
The best part of it is that the Ribbono Shel Olom has an
unlimited amount of everything at his disposal, ready to
dispense to us, His beloved people. There is no such thing as
asking for more than your fair share. If there are "X" number
of Jewish people in the world, we are each able to obtain one
Xth of infinity, a very large amount indeed.
Rabbi Moshe Aaron Stern zt'l, Mashgiach of the
Kamenitz Yeshiva in Yerusholayim, used to say that when you
pray and ask for Heavenly blessings, you should bring with
you a vessel to hold the bounty you hope to receive. If you
come with a barrel, you will be able to get a barrelful, but
if you come with a shnaps glass, you can only hope to receive
a shnaps glass full. We can still pour out our hearts in
prayer. Whether it is the formal prayer or a private,
whispered one in the corner of our kitchen, Hashem hears
every word.
This is not the time to politely pass the dish and hope that
another one will be brought to the table. Raise your voice to
the highest Heavens. Cry, beg and plead for the coming year
to bring all of us the most bountiful "fair share."
