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5 Cheshvan 5765 - October 20, 2004 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Home and Family


Child's Play
by A. Ross

Some children, perfectly normal in every other way, are just not interested in playing games, nor in any other social interaction. These are children who do not need help to develop their gross or fine motor skills, nor need help in improving their communications skills; they just do not enjoy playing, and prefer to curl up with a book. The traditional bookworms. As a consequence, if they are coaxed into any game, they will in all likelihood not be as skilled as other children. They have not had the practice or experience which makes for perfection.

There are workshops and afternoon play centers in many Western countries for parents to visit, which display all kinds of games and toys. People come away from there with a list of games and ideas for different classifications, and what is suitable for each age group. The workshop I went to was a very large hall with various types of games set up on tables and on the floor in different parts of the room. There were games of chance -- Snakes and Ladders, for example -- simulation games like dolls and Playmobil games which demand mental skill, like chess and those which demand physical skill and dexterity, improve coordination skills, as well as miscellaneous board games for groups of four or more.

Parents were invited to sit at tables and begin playing. At first, there was some slight embarrassment and sheepish laughter, but they soon got into the swing of things. Just as they were beginning to enjoy themselves, they were told to move on to the next table.

Many parents believe that games are just there to stave off boredom, to keep children from "scratching each other's eyes out." After attending one of these workshops, they discover that playing is an integral part of education. They see games which their children do not enjoy, and find out the reason for this. What skills will they need to improve in order to compete in some particular game? Not all games are competitive, nor do all children enjoy competing against others, as mentioned before.

There are games which need no investment in money, nor any equipment. For example, the first game of peekaboo, which is precursor to hide-and-seek in years to come. Originally, the parent is the instigator and mother and Baby chuckle together when the face is uncovered. Later, the baby starts the game and again, there is great mutual enjoyment. Baby sees that things disappear and come back. Still later, at about eighteen months, he covers his eyes or even hides behind a door, and wants someone to find him. At this age, he does not usually wait to be found!

Some children who have struggled unsuccessfully for years, trying to read, are completely unmotivated. They have given up. Games are a great strategy for relaxing the child and putting him into a happy frame of mind. The offer of a game, even before the start of a short lesson, is a better bribe than anything else. Many a child has learned to read in a relatively short while and also mastered the rudiments of some board games with this approach.

Does it matter if your child does not want to play? Should you prevent the child from swallowing book after book to the exclusion of all other leisure activities? Firstly, anything performed to extremes should be suspect. Boys in particular, who are encouraged to study all day, and then learn some more in the evenings, should not be encouraged to use their eyes again in their limited spare time. It is a moot point whether a child of eleven or twelve whose whole heart and soul are steeped in learning should be encouraged in any extracurricular activities. However, if he is spending his spare time reading adventure stories, which admittedly are an escape from stress, perhaps he should be encouraged to let off steam in a different way.

Furthermore, even from an early age, nursery teachers and parents should observe the child in his play habits, or lack of them. If a child loves going on swings and slides or is an expert at jumping rope, yet never touches a puzzle or construction toy, maybe he needs help with his fine motor development. Does he perhaps suffer from social anxiety disorder which would prevent him from participating in a team game? Has he some semantic, pragmatic disorder which precludes the understanding of the rules of games? This type of child will not have his nose buried in a book. He will be terribly anxious to be included in games, but will not know how to achieve his wishes.

How many parents whose children have a cupboard full of toys hear a regular refrain of "I'm bored?" When a baby gets bored with his mobile over the crib, take it away and put something else there. It makes no difference what it is, as long as it holds the child's attention for a while. The same applies to older children who have a surfeit of toys and games. Take them away and hide them. When the children get bored with the current toys or games, put those away and take out other ones.

Play with your children from a very early age. The game is more peaceful and more exciting if Mommy participates. She does not have to let her opponents win each time, either. The children will learn about winning and losing, about helping children younger than themselves and will, hopefully, develop good character traits.

Let me add that from personal experience, not from a professional point of view, as soon as some children acquire the skill of reading, they will read, whether you like it or not. They will read while waiting for their turn for the dice, and if reprimanded, they will walk off and say they don't want to play any more! Bookworms are `hatched' at a very young age, often before they go to school. If Mommy is playing with the children, they will be more likely to enjoy the game. Perhaps this enjoyment will persuade them that there are other agreeable pastimes in life besides reading.

 

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