There are two main obligations on us for Pesach. To remove
the chometz and vehigadto levincho, to tell
your son about the miracle of the exodus from Egypt. Women,
being what they are, have to spring-clean the house while
they are removing the chometz. This is fine if you do
the spring cleaning in October or in May, but most people
choose to do it in the tension-filled month before Pesach.
Does this endear the mitzva of Pesach to the children?
Pesach is symbolic of Spring with its freshness and renewal.
As we have to check every nook and cranny, anyway, it is a
golden opportunity to freshen up our homes. Yet, as Jews, we
do not make up our own rules.
In the same way we involve the children on the actual night
of Seder, we should involve them in the preparations.
However, it should be in the atmosphere of gladness and
unity. R' Wolf from Bnei Brak is often quoted as saying that
children should not be a korbon Pesach. They should
not be deprived of meals and routine just because Mother has
decided that she wants to scrub the walls. We have to
reiterate to ourselves time and again that we are not working
against time, we are working within a limited amount of
time.
LISTS
For those of you who do not yet make lists, either daily or
weekly, of tasks to be done, and claim that you carry them in
your head, know that this is a fallacy. There is no point in
copying an arbitrary list from a neighbor or a newspaper;
lists are not like a recipe. You have to make up your own.
Consider the number of rooms you have, the number of children
old enough to help seriously, and the number who want to
help, besides the ones who are still completely help-less.
If you are nursing a baby, there are several hours in the day
when you will just have to rest. If you are not, keep in mind
that you are not a machine, even if you are still in your
twenties and have boundless energy and strength. If all the
children have left the nest, you will probably not need this
advice, as you have been making Pesach for so many years. You
will also know, without being told, that you do not have
enough strength to work for fourteen hours at a stretch,
which, in theory, you could do now, as there are no little
ones underfoot, and no enormous meals to prepare.
MANPOWER (and Husbands)
When evaluating the manpower at your disposal, consider the
type of husband you have. There is no point in comparing your
own husband to other men. Some men undertake to clean the
whole kitchen before Pesach; some do all the shopping, while
others leave the house, even on Erev Pesach, so that they can
spend an hour or two learning. Your husband is not like a
brother or a son; it is not your place to educate him. You
can't, anyway, so why try, especially at this tense time? So
if your husband is one of those who is not domesticated in
the least, and he chooses to learn when you need him most, do
not feel that this is a cause for self pity. Be proud of the
fact that YOUR husband feels he can sit and learn on
erev Pesach.
Hang up a list the night before and let the children choose
which particular task they would like to do. Some like doing
errands; some are wonderful with the babies and will chose to
take them to the park or amuse them indoors if it's raining.
Others like to get to grips with the really tough jobs. Do
not put down any particular task which you have to do
personally. If an astute child asks whether the list has your
own tasks on it, too, the reply would be that you will do
whichever jobs they don't manage to finish.
It is best to relegate jobs to the younger children before
the older ones are told to pick. For instance, you could say,
"Tomorrow everyone is going to help. Will you clean that
wooden chair for me in the afternoon? And would you like to
scrub that corner of the floor where the high chair stands?"
This assures the child that he will also be involved in the
cleaning and also informs him that he will have a nice time
in the park in the morning. It also avoids a scene if the six-
year-old decides on doing the ironing. Thus, in the morning
when everyone's energies are at their peak, the younger
children could go out with the babies and one older sibling,
and you together with the older people can attack some major
tasks.
If your toys can take it, put a pillowcase full of -- let's
say, Lego, into a machine full of colored wash. Two children
can then check each piece afterwards. Is your machine is too
old to take the strain of washing anything but clothes, or
the toys are too large to go in, soak them in a solution of
biological washing powder, then rinse them well under the
shower. [You can spritz some bleach on grimy toys and then
rub with a brush. They will gleam.] After this, you could put
two or three children into the bathtub together with some
toys. They will spend a happy hour or even two cleaning for
Pesach and go to bed relaxed and contented.
An excellent strategy when you feel that everyone is flagging
slightly, is to call for a break. Share out a bar of
chocolate or two, depending on the size of the family (and
the chocolate), perhaps even something which is usually
reserved for Shabbos. Spirits will lift dramatically.
When a child asks you to inspect a saucepan he has cleaned,
if there is no more chometz on it but you are not too
happy with its appearance, let it pass. If it is a slapdash
child, you could say that the main thing was to get rid of
the chometz and that after Pesach, you will get it to
shine. The whole point that you want to get across to the
children, and to yourself, is that the halocha is to
remove the chometz -- the rest is to satisfy your own
desire for perfection. Even if you are not totally satisfied
with the results of their efforts, it is best not to say so
on the whole. The children will be much more willing to help
again the next day if they are praised handsomely for their
efforts. Approval and commendation cost nothing and are a
wonderful incentive.
Do not be bamboozled by your ten-year-old who seems to take a
daily census of what the mothers of her classmates have
already done. You are following your own lists and schedules
and it is best to look at what you have already achieved, and
not at what still remains to be done.
MEALS
Meals are an essential pre-Pesach requisite. Nibbling junk
food left over from Purim will do nothing for your real
appetite and only raise everybody's blood sugar levels. As
Napoleon said (or was it Frederick the Great?), "An army
marches on its stomach." When boys and girls are home from
their various places of study, they want, and appreciate
Mommy's good food.
Routine during vacation makes the whole day flow more
smoothly. If you have prepared some good strong soups in
Shvat, when you were less busy, all the better. If not, it
does not have to be a four-course meal, but it pays to serve
solid wholesome food either at normal dinner time -- noon or
evening. It also pays to bear in mind when planning the time
it will take for various tasks, that when the children are
home from school, meals seem to take forever. But this family
time is very bonding and very important.
A friend of mine has several teenage daughters. She sent two
of them to two different families who had half a dozen little
ones under seven. It was the kindest of thoughts because
however well-organized these young mothers are, they have no
help and the day is not long enough to do all that needs
doing in the last week before Pesach. Moreover, with children
in the house, life is unpredictable. Someone cuts his hand
and needs stitching; a baby has a worryingly high temperature
and needs to be taken to the doctor. That is when mothers
suddenly see what has to be done because of halocha
and which corners can be cut because it has no connection to
chometz.
A neighbor with a really large family reported that she tried
these tips last year and received the ultimate accolade from
her fourteen-year-old son. "I love before Pesach and on
Pesach in this house." Her house was not sparkling as it had
been in previous years, but she was not a nervous wreck, nor
were her children. She cleaned her windows after Pesach [when
the rains were over], so did not get annoyed with the
upstairs neighbor who poured water over them the day before
Pesach.
Whatever our priorities, may we all have a kosher Pesach in
peace and harmony.
