I was at a bris the other day and my attention was
caught by one woman who, even before the actual cerenony
started, had already sat down at a table and begun to eat
with relish. I looked at her disparagingly as she continued
eating through the ceremony.
"I have to find a way to give her the benefit of the doubt,"
I thought. "I know. She must be diabetic." That would explain
why she had to eat immediately. One of the women setting up
brought drinks to her table and my theory was pushed aside
when she reached for the non-dietary beverage.
After the bris, other people sat down and after
waiting until a couple had begun helping themselves, I, too,
sat down and dug in. Being the only person of my ethnic group
at this event, and knowing no one there, I self-consciously
took a seat alone at an end table. Since no one knew me
either, I basically stayed there by myself. I helped myself
to the variety of salads on the table and after eating my
fill, I noticed that I had pretty much eaten all the salads
on the table -- all by myself.
I can't think of a truer dictum than the teaching of the Baal
Shem Tov that what disturbs you in others is basically a
character defect that you have to work on yourself at some
level. Although I know I didn't reach the epicurean heights
of the lady at the next table, I was lacking a certain
restraint in partaking of the fare.
When we are annoyed by the behavior of others, it is akin to
looking in a distorted, distended mirror, the kind one finds
in an amusement park's House of Mirrors. It is not really our
true reflection -- but it is recognizably us.
Isn't that annoying?
