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3 Adar 5764 - February 25, 2004 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Home and Family


Erev Shabbos -- A Child's View
by Sue Shapiro, B.A. Psychology

Fridays are never long enough, it seems. But now that the days are beginning to get longer, it is a great opportunity to consider how those extra minutes can best be utilized. Before you get ambitious and add an extra dish to your menu plan, think about it. Twenty years from now, when your children remember Shabbos in your home, will they recall exactly how many kugels there were? Probably not.

They will take with them the feeling of Erev Shabbos in your home. Was it frantic, stressful, tense, hurried, chaotic? Were they ignored while their parents bustled about from task to task? Did they feel like they were in the way? Being ordered around? Or was it a time of joyful anticipation, pride in accomplishment and family togetherness?

Though Friday afternoon is only a few hours long, the Erev Shabbos atmosphere may affect children's attitudes towards Shabbos and mitzvos in general for years to come -- as much as the relaxed hours around the Shabbos table.

Imagine you are a small child and you come home from gan or cheder on Friday afternoon. Your parents greet you with a smile. The house is filled with delicious aromas, and happy chassidic music is playing softly in the background. All Friday afternoon your needs are taken care of, you are given food and drink as you need it; you are patiently asked to perform some tasks to help get ready to greet the Shabbos Queen. Everyone is smiling, working steadily and joyfully anticipating the coming Shabbos.

Everything is ready early, and when you are bathed and dressed, you sit down at the kitchen table with the rest of the family for a small Erev Shabbos snack. Then there is time to say some Tehillim or read a story before the candles are lit. Ah, what a joy it is to think of Shabbos. It is something you look forward to all week, and the word "Shabbos" brings a smile to your face.

Not every Friday can run so smoothly, but here are some tips to help you create a memorable Erev Shabbos for your children.

1. Encourage your children to clean up their rooms on Thursday afternoon. Young children will enjoy cleaning their rooms if you let them decorate it for Shabbos once it is clean. Buy or collect various items like a small white piece of fabric or lace for covering their desk or table, little candlesticks, a vase with artificial flowers (or wild flowers they can pick), a bowl with artificial fruits and a doll dressed in fancy Shabbos clothes. Send them to clean their rooms, helping if necessary. When the room is tidy, the desk is clear, the muktze is away, and all is ready, take out the box of decorations and let them arrange the items as they wish, creating their own special room lekovod Shabbos.

Older children will clean up their rooms more willingly on Thursday afternoon if you let them help with more interesting jobs like baking cookies Thursday night - - once the room is clean and any other standard chores are completed.

While you are in the bedrooms, check that all the Shabbos clothes are ready.

2. Make lists of any jobs you can do Thursday or earlier and leave as little as possible for Friday. Sometimes it is worth staying up a little later on Thursday night to finish something in a relaxed way, rather than to leave it for Friday and wake up in the morning feeling overwhelmed by all you need to accomplish before candlelighting. Doing lots of work may be tiring, but seeing lots of undone work is far more draining and daunting. How about doing an extra five minutes of work Thursday night and using that five minutes on Friday afternoon to go outside for a breath of fresh air to sit on a park bench in the sun?

3. Delegate jobs to the children in a way that makes them feel appreciated. Patiently explain to them what you expect and when each job must be done. Take their abilities and interests into account and praise liberally.

4. For Friday lunch, try to prepare something that is both easy and popular with your children. Well-fed children are in a better mood, which will make everything much easier and enjoyable for everyone. My children all like mini- pizzas made on pita bread. By serving that every Erev Shabbos, I avoid having to deliberate about what to make and the children know what to expect (one of their favorites), eat well, and don't complain of hunger most of Friday afternoon.

5. Bathtime If you are blessed with many children, consider dividing up the baths, some on Thursday night, some Friday morning and some Friday afternoon. You can pair responsible older children up with younger ones to help with bathing and dressing.

6. Try to have everything finished early, so you can set up the hotplate early. During the most hectic part of the afternoon, while you are finishing the food and setting up the hotplate, plan an activity to keep the youngest children occupied. You can have them listen to an educational tape, have them color pictures, play with special Erev Shabbos toys, fold napkins, or ask an older child to play with them or read to them till things are mostly ready. Weather permitting, they can be encouraged to take a walk or play in a nearby playground with proper supervision by an older sibling, giving you a chance to concentrate totally on what you are doing, while they get some exercise outside.

7. Snacktime Encourage children to cooperate with baths, dressing and other Erev Shabbos chores and activities by having a special Erev Shabbos snack time in the kitchen once the hotplate is set up, the dining table is set and everyone is dressed and ready. Serve drinks and popcorn, burekas or some other food your children consider special.

I like to serve something that is filling enough to satisfy children till the men return from shul and we make Kiddush, but not too filling to take away from their anticipation of the Shabbos meal. Not only does it prevent crankiness in waiting for the Shabbos meal, especially in the summer, but it provides a special warm feeling of family togetherness before we usher in the Shabbos. This is a great time to give all family members what Rabbi Noach Orlewick refers to as the Triple A -- Attention, Appreciation and Affection (see his book Raising Roses Among the Thorns).

8. While you are tuned in to your childrens' needs on Erev Shabbos, don't forget your own -- physical and spiritual. Make sure you eat and drink properly and take five minute breaks here and there to recharge. Play uplifting music. Listen to inspiring tapes. Pray for Heavenly assistance.

Give your children special Erev Shabbos hugs and kisses. And SMILE -- Shabbos is coming!!!

 

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