I live alone. It's actually probably irrelevant whether I
live alone because I chose to remain single, or if I was
never introduced to the right one to marry, or if I was
divorced or widowed and everyone who once lived with me has
since married and moved on.
The point right now is that I live alone. And this imposes
certain restrictions, complications and difficulites into my
life.
For example: when someone says that they will be "right
over," if they don't come right away, I have to stand by the
door and wait for them, because I can't start doing something
that I will get involved in, or that's in the back of the
house or on the porch. I have no one else there to ask to
"listen for the door and get it please" if I might not be
able to hear the bell or not be able to stop what I'm doing
right away and quickly get to the door.
When people ask if strangers can sleep over at my home since
they are "placing seminary girls" or don't have room for
their own extra guests, I have to ask if they know if the
guests are honest and normal because I have no other people
wandering round the house in case someone decides to "freak
out" or go for my silver.
Living alone, I also have a special problem with bringing
down winter blankets (for the guests), which isn't soooo
terrible if they at least show up. But it is quite annoying
if they don't. Picture the irritation of having to go and
schlep the ladder a second time because you don't have anyone
else around who can do it; again, having to cautiously climb
up to the very top platform while praying the entire time not
to tip over and fall, somehow managing to prevent the heavy
blankets from falling back on top of your head as you work to
maneuver them back into the top cabinet using a strong hanger
because you can't quite reach it otherwise. It is not
pleasant -- though bothering a neighbor or calling up a
married child to come over and do it is even less
pleasant.
And there are other difficulties, more complicated than
balancing checkbooks and dealing with car mechanics. I thus
offer a few suggestions for genuine help that may sound
simple but that can be a tremendous chessed for a
single-home occupant. And, best of all, most can be done
quickly, easily, and without too much fuss. It's just
thinking of making the offer that is hard.
*
Is your husband or son taking a few things to tovel at
the mikveh? Asking if your living-alone neighbor has
something to tovel is a tremendous favor, and it's
even bigger if you give one or two days notice beforehand so
s/he can buy that pot, those glasses or knife that were
needed but not purchased because of this complication.
Going to the post office or hard-to-get-to store? Offering to
pick up one or two items might be a big chessed.
Mutual friends having a simcha? Don't assume that your
living-alone neighbor is going with his/her married children -
- s/he's probably not. An offer to go or return together, if
possible, will be greatly appreciated because most people do
not find it enjoyable to travel somewhere by themselves at
night, or to walk into a simcha alone.
On Thursdays, especially on cold, rainy days, offering to
pick up fresh challa or milk on Friday for someone
living alone will be much appreciated since often, that is
the only reason a live-alone person has to get dressed and go
out on Friday. Though perhaps a small matter for you, since
you or your representative is going to the store anyway, it
can be a huge convenience for your neighbor.
Other people may greatly appreciate an offer to take down
that garbage on a Friday, as most people prefer beginning
Shabbos with an empty garbage bin. And because an elderly,
live-alone may not buy enough fruit and vegetables to have an
order delivered, it might be a kindness to ask periodically
if they would like you to carry up half a watermelon, a kilo
of potatoes, etc., since they find it difficult.
If you haven't seen or heard your living-alone neighbor for a
few days, a call or pop-in peek to see that everything is all
right will be most appreciated. Many live-alones feel that
they "could be lying on the floor incapacitated or dead for a
few days before anyone would notice." I've heard this voiced
from live-alones.
An extremely thoughtful act is to bring over a few pieces of
"holiday food" which the live-alone might not make for
him/herself, such as a few potato latkes on Chanuka, an
individual portion of cheesecake for Shavuos, a stuffed
pepper, or a piece of fresh potato kugel, just like that.
No, a live-alone is not necessarily a nebich. But it
does create certain physical as well as emotional practical-
type difficulties. And wouldn't it be nice if you and/or your
family were the ones to be able to make life just a little
more pleasant for such a person?
Every season and every neighborhood will have its own special
mitzva-type opportunities. May we all be the kind of
person who thinks about them, looks for them, and DOES
them.
