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22 Elul 5764 - September 8, 2004 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Buy Yourself a Friend
by Tzvia Ehrlich-Klein

I believe that all of us are familiar with the teaching in Pirkei Ovos, "Make for yourself a rabbi, buy yourself a friend, and judge every person favorably." Why has the middle piece of advice somehow gotten lost in the shuffle of quotes?

Is it that we have so many friends that we do not need to think about them particularly, and certainly not `buy' them?

Is it that we are so busy rushing around accomplishing so many different things that we do not have any time left to "buy ourselves a friend," either an old one or a new one?

Or is it that, like an old pair of slippers, we don't really feel that we have to invest anything in those friendships that we already do have? Instead, much like those comfortable old slippers of ours, after a long, hard day on our feet, we know that our friends are just always there for us to slip into whenever we want to, or feel the need to talk to, or to be with them.

"Buy yourself a friend" seems to imply that we should expend some time and some effort, and even some money, in order to strengthen those friendships which we already now have, and perhaps even to encourage those friendships that we wish we could develop (I'd love to... if only I had the time...).

Perhaps we should get into the habit of also investing our time and efforts into keeping our friends. Perhaps, like a delicate flowering plant on a porch shelf, if a friendship is not periodically watered and shaded from the blazing sun, it, too, can wilt and dry up. A person has to keep an eye on the leaves, too, to notice if they are even starting to wilt because it is a pity to wait until the whole thing is dead.

Perhaps we should try to ensure that we do not become the kind of a person who takes things for granted. Neither our food, our families, nor even our friends. A weekly phone call to say, "Hi, I was thinking of you," does not have to take an hour or two. And even if the call is only placed every two or three weeks and hooked into a quick "Good Shabbos" regards, the connection formed and the bond strengthened can provide a good feeling to all.

Yes, we all get too busy at times. And we all forget those we love and like and appreciate. But isn't it worthwhile, especially in this "buy now, throw away" world, to invest the time and the effort, as well as the few cents for the call, to really show our friends that we care and that we haven't forgotten them?

 

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