Some people claim that every pleasure comes with a price tag.
Nothing is handed out for free. No money... no free
lunches...
One of the more striking examples is in the area of
advertising: Advertised bargains are almost cons. A person is
certain that he's found a bargain but if he were to look
closely, for the most part, it would be clear to him that he
has paid dearly for his good fortune (except for really rare
and unusual cases). Generally, the real winner is the company
behind the product. When Chani Cohen buys something and
`wins', for example, a free facial, she discovers that she
has been trapped and in the end, she'll have to buy the
products, if only not to feel awkward. Another example: When
items are sold "two for the price of one," the buyer
discovers that 1) he bought one item too many, in which he
wasn't interested, and 2) if he were to divide the price in
half, he would see that he had overpayed for the item he
wanted. Many such tactics are employed to trip up innocent
buyers.
But regarding the field of advertising, we beg to differ on
the basic assumption that one can't enjoy oneself without
paying for it, and prove that there are areas which we can
definitely enjoy without having to foot the bill; to really
get a free gift with no strings attached. The opportunities
for this are found, for the most part, all around us. We just
have to reach out our hands and grab them...
Is There No Escape from Enticing Smells?
Reuven is a mature Jew who lives close to a shopping center
which caters to the chareidi public. Among the stores is one
that sells felafel, and Reuven was incapable of passing it
without buying himself a portion -- the wonderful aroma of
spicy felafel simply intoxicated him. Likewise, with the
excellent bakery nearby. The scent of freshly-baked yeast
cakes etc. tempted him until he broke down, time after time,
and bought...
Naturally, his weight veered upwards proportionately (or
disproportionately) and the doctor warned him against the
dangers of obesity. Reuven didn't know how to dampen his
appetite. In his head, he understood, but it was difficult
for him to overcome his craving. How could he control
himself?
At first, he considered changing his route home, but this
wasn't always practical. Therefore, he adopted a unique way
of conquering temptation: He would pass by those stores and
stand in front of them in order to enjoy the wonderful aroma.
He savored the aroma, gratified his sense of smell and then
continued on his way.
"I learned to enjoy without buying," he said, very pleased
with himself.
Being Esthetic -- With No Committment
Beila, the wife of an avreich, suffices with a minimum
and renounces everything that is not crucial in her life. As
long as things depend on her -- there's no problem. But her
eldest daughter Avigail has demonstrated an obvious tendency
toward esthetics; she developed an expensive taste, which, in
time, led to acquisitiveness. Avigail was carried away by
peer pressure and wanted to adopt passing fashions which did
not mesh with the outlook of her Torah home and its limited
income. Sometimes, Beila was afraid to let her go near store
windows lest some expensive item of clothing catch her eye
and her fancy and set off a war of attrition.
One time, Beila decided to take Avigail to an exclusive
shopping center where she passed one store window after
another, letting her express her opinion on the different
fashions. Then she walked with her past an expensive
furniture store where she also allowed her to voice her taste
about the design of the buffets, the couches, the tables etc.
and yet another with fancy housewares and china. The window
shopping excursion was very pleasant. The entire way, Beila
let her daughter express herself and her individual taste.
When they returned home without having purchased anything,
Beila had a long discussion with her daughter on the subject
of sufficiency and let her understand that in order to enjoy
esthetics, one need not necessarily buy and own all those
nice things...
To Hear a Compliment About Someone and Not Get Stressed
Out
Shoshana met Adina and they stood talking about this and
that. Suddenly, Shoshana lifted her eyes up to the opposite
building and said, "Do you see that balcony over there, with
the laundry? Ruth lives there. What an exemplary baalebusta
she is! Just look how she's hung the laundry, like soldiers
standing at attention. She doesn't cease to amaze me!"
"Well, look..." Adina stammered uneasily, "I, personally,
don't have time to invest in that kind of thing. I have
bli ayin horo a large family and when I do hang
laundry, I'm always in a rush lest the little ones turn the
house upside down!"
Now it was Shoshana's turn to feel uncomfortable. Shoshana
had sincerely wanted to pay Ruth a compliment and to share
her admiration for that eishes chayil with her friend.
For some reason, Adina had assumed that the compliment was
made to draw some comparison or to extract some kind of
apology.
This weakness is common enough. Many people feel that a
compliment paid to another person requires them to be worthy
of the same accolade and this is a mistake. Why not really
enjoy a compliment paid to another person without feeling on
the defensive?
We've seen, then, that it is possible to enjoy yourself
without paying. There are many areas where we can naturally
relate to the pleasure in them. On the other hand, there are
areas where it is our job to let the other person enjoy
himself without any intention of exacting a price.
What do we mean? Let us explain:
Free Gifts in Parent-Child Relationships
It sometimes seems that in order to give a child something,
we have to exact a `price' for it. For example, one mother
told me that she usually tells a story at dinnertime, which
makes mealtime an enjoyable experience. Once, after lighting
candles on Friday night, she had some free time and she asked
her daughter to bring her the library book she'd gotten at
kindergarten.
"Do I have to eat now?" the little girl asked. She assumed
that whenever she heard a story, she was required to eat
something healthful, that she had to `pay,' as it were, by
eating, as if there was no such thing as a `free' story...
It is better to give to children without the expectation of a
reward for good behavior. To give for the sake of giving. You
can stroke them or hug them for no particular reason without
their seeing it as payment in advance. You can also let your
child enjoy himself without a reason; bringing joy to your
children should be a natural expression of your love, enough
of a reason to give. Pure love is not dependent on
anything.
The idea of surprising a child "just because" is important,
but should not be practiced too often lest it loses its
significance. Buy him something you know he needs even if he
didn't ask -- or because he didn't ask. In that way, a
child feels that his parents are thinking of him and care
about him.
In order to buy a child something (even something small and
symbolic), one needn't wait until his birthday etc.
Sometimes, it's worth while to let him enjoy the surprise
without its having a price tag attached.
Enjoying One's Efforts
We're all familiar with the saying, "If you have toiled and
found -- believe it." What about those who toil and do not
find? If one `finds' in the very toil, then the pleasure is
the creation.
I am reminded of an excellent homemaker whose creations in
the area of cooking and baking were works of art. It was hard
to match her expertise. This same woman reached old age and
due to certain health problems, was restricted to a severe
diet. Most of the dishes she had loved to make were off
limits to her, but she continued making them anyway. When
people wondered at this, she asked, "Why is this a
contradiction? Can't one enjoy creativity in the kitchen
without indulging oneself?"
A former student told me the same thing. She said that when
she reviewed her math material, her algebra and geometry, for
a test, she used to get tense and couldn't wait to rid
herself of the annoying burden. However, after she finished
seminary, she suddenly discovered the pleasure in math, and
in her free time, she would solve math problems and do
exercises for fun. This is the same difference between
required reading for school or a student reading an
interesting book for pleasure in her free time.
To Feel Pleasure for No Reason
How important it is to give other people the feeling that we
called to talk to them for no other reason than to inquire
after their health and to hear their thoughts. We've become
used to everything being done from a perspective of who owes
what to whom. If we want to ask someone for something, we
call them and after a few pleasantries, the real reason for
our call becomes clear, from which they understand that we
have ultimately called to take and not to give...
How wonderful lonely people would feel if we just wanted to
see how they were, without an ulterior motive! How good
elderly parents feel when their married children call them
just to hear how they are, to say "Hi!" without asking for
anything.
This is the secret of the country's volunteers, who donate
their time and energy for the general good. They are living
proof that people can volunteer and feel real pleasure in
giving or doing even though they are not being paid. Perhaps
because of this? As if the satisfaction which results from
doing the mitzva is not remuneration enough? Yet they
feel they have received more than they gave.
One can feel pleasure from walking, without regarding it a
necessary burden for one's health. We can tidy up the house,
clean it, even when no guests are expected to arrive -- only
for our own satisfaction and pleasure.
During bein hazemanim, we can enjoy a vacation without
spending a week living out of suitcases. One can enjoy the
nearby park together with other vactioners who have come to
our neighborhood, and be grateful that this type of
recreation does not cost money.
A family traveled to the Dead Sea for health reasons and on
the way back, they all went into one of the more expensive
hotels just to have a look, to get an idea, to goggle without
it occurring to them to even be jealous. Pleasure is not
always directly related to an outlay of money. If we want to
be honest, we must admit that often, the opposite is true.
Especially now, when nature is blooming, we can take walks in
the beautiful world of the Creator and appreciate His
kindness in giving man so much to enjoy. And all for free!
