Part I
Why is it so hard to do bikur cholim when we're
young?
It seems to be that tender souls are too impressionable to
withstand the impact of man's vulnerability to the raw force
of illness.
A dermatologist once admitted that he chose his profession
because his patients would neither die from the diseases they
sought him out to treat, nor ever hope to be cured of them.
This quip was designed to cleverly mask his reluctance to
deal with the truth of man's mortality on a daily basis.
We are all reluctant to look death in the face. We are also
afraid to take a peek from the side. Like the ostrich who
buries its head in the sand, we prefer to think that
unpleasant circumstances can be warded off if we ignore their
existence. While this may be a good way to deal with the
undesireable behavior of a neighbor, friend, sibling or
child, it is the wrong way to react when one of them is ill.
The more benign the illness, the less severe our resistance
to the visit. If someone young fell while climbing a tree, it
is not so difficult to find something to say to cheer him up.
One knows that bones heal and one relates normally to the
injured party. Even if one makes comments which are trite, no
one will be bothered by them. The visit is light and easy.
However, if the break occurred to someone older and his
livelihood depends on his speedy recovery, or if the reason
for the fall is due to ill health, which may or may not have
been discovered through the fall, we have an entirely
different picture.
*
The person who is lying in the hospital bed or sick bed needs
to have friendly engaging conversations about topics which
interest him and make him feel a part of the healthy society
in his near and not so near surroundings.
What's going on in his life at this time? Was he busy with
some interesting task? How are the members of his immediate
family? What happy occasions have they celebrated lately?
Where have they spent recent vacations?
Is he a talmid of note? Would he enjoy a lively Torah
discussion? Does she enjoy a comment from the parsha?
We can often find comforting mesages in the Torah portion for
that week which shed light on this particular situation. How
important that makes the person feel! Indeed, everything that
happens to us happens for a reason!
The most important reason for visitng the sick is, of course,
to provide the ailing person with services of which he might
be in need. Is he in need of food, of someone to cook,
someone to serve the food or someone to feed him? Does he
have the necessary medication? Can s/he tidy up the house
without help? Would an extra pair of hands/legs perhaps
relieve the ill party from having to expend energy for these
tasks? This energy might better be conserved for the purpose
of fighting the illness and for recovery.
Are the dishes washed? Even a quarter of an hour at the
kitchen sink can drain a sick person of strength! Did someone
bring them the mail? Would they like to brush their teeth
without getting out of bed? Do they have access to something
to drink at the bedside? Every little offer to aid them in
their physical wellbeing is greatly appreciated. Do they have
enough tissues?
Sometimes they even need to avail themselves of other
somewhat embarrassing amenities. If one is capable of
offering assistance, they might be grateful if the assistance
is offered simply and without showing any signs of
displeasures. If one can't help, one can offer to exit for
the duration. Just don't let the patient feel embarassed for
what s/he needs to do. When someone is sick, she needs to
cough, sneeze, spit, blow her nose etc. and these are the
most natural and expected forms of behavior for her at the
time. Help her find a vessel to use and clean it for later
use. You have entered her world and not vice
versa.
[Final part next week]
