The current global economic downturn, and accompanying
corporate downsizing, have suddenly placed large numbers of
professional people into the unfamiliar category of
`unemployed.'
A man with a Master's degree in Business Administration, a
CPA, with two decades of experience in the world of commerce,
may find himself applying for a job at the middle management
level of a firm similar to the one at which he recently
worked. The head of the personnel office where he has
directed his resume tells him, "Don't call us; we'll call
you."
The reason for the brush off? The personnel manager doubts if
her company can use him, because he is overqualified.
Overqualified is the term that is used to describe a job
applicant whose education and/or work experience is more
intensive than is needed for the position that is
available.
The current thinking is that someone who has an advanced
degree or years in the field will not be happy doing work
that he or she considers below his level or dignity and that
his unhappiness will spill over to the other workers around
him, creating bad vibes in the office.
Certainly a Russian doctor CAN perform the duties of an
operating room technician in an Israeli hospital, but will
s/he do so cheerfully is the question on the mind of the
person who is conducting the interview. If not, the
application is dismissed with the word `overqualified.'
There is one field of endeavor where applicants do not submit
resumes or curricula vitae. Instead, we get married and do a
lot of praying to Hashem to bless us with children. When our
prayers are answered by the One Who holds the key to
childbirth, we automatically receive the title of
`parent.'
There are, of course, many women who have happily traded in
their briefcase and laptop computer for a diaper bag, and of
course, there are many more who juggle both. But there are
also some full-time or part- time mothers among us who do not
really internalize the uniquely Jewish outlook that
motherhood is an exalted role.
These women view themselves as overqualified and, most
unfortunately, the people around them who have to bear the
brunt of their unhappiness and frustration are their own
young children.
It is hard enough to deal with the overwhelming
responsibilities of caring for babies, but the long hours,
the sleep deprivation and the actual physical work involved
in changing diapers, laundering soiled layettes, preparing
and giving babies their baths, cooking and blending baby food
etc, do not make the job title "child care worker" sound
attractive to a well- educated woman.
Who would apply for a summer job as a "nanny-in- training?" A
girl who has attained straight `A's thoughout her schooling,
who was voted head of her high school student body, who took
a heavy class load in seminary to double major in limudei
kodesh and web design, and simultaneously head the local
chessed task force? I strongly doubt it. Isn't she
overqualified?
There are ways for new moms to exercise their minds and
fulfill their intellectual promise, even in the early stages
of motherhood, so that they do not harbor the feelings of "I
was made for better things," that are the hallmark of the
overqualified.
I recently attended an all-day seminar for women. The classes
were given by some of the best teachers and lecturers in
Yerusholayim. Among the attendees were three groups: 1)
students; 2) young women who were almost married, newly
married or actively attempting to join their ranks; and 3)
older women like me whose youngest children are either in
school all day or out of the nest.
I thought it was a lovely gesture by the seminar planners to
make a side room available to young mothers where they could
hear the speakers via the public address system and view them
through a window. The babies in that room did not disturb the
seminar next door, and the young mothers greatly enjoyed the
program.
However, once a child is more than a few months old, he isn't
going to sleep for hours at a time as did the infants at the
seminar. Then the only way a young mother can continue to
attend such inspiring and uplifting programs as that yom
iyun is to get a baby-sitter [for pay,] and leave her
brood at home. That is not always possible, nor is it always
advisable.
There are some excellent alternatives. Several neighborhoods
have shiurim available in the mornings where babies
are welcome. Even better, most neighborhoods have tape
libraries which have a broad range of hours to allow busy
mothers to come in and select tape cassettes to take home.
What could be better than having your favorite teacher come
into your kitchen and deliver a shiur just to you
while your baby is playing in the portacrib and you are
checking the rice, peeling the vegetables for the soup and
cutting up the salad for dinner?
Later, while the baby is napping, another shiur can
inspire you as you iron, fold the laundry and match the
socks. Even though you always knew you were special, this
amount of individual attention is more than you could ever
have hoped to receive, even from the faculty of your own sem.
As a bonus, the tape libraries grant you access to all of the
speakers from other schools and communities as well!
Tape recorders are not the only form of technology that can
be used to perk up the new mothers among us.
Today's typewriters/computers with memories make it possible
for busy young mothers to write prose and even poetry in
spare moments and store their work for later editing and
printing. This is an enjoyable creative outlet that can be
pursued in just a few spare minutes here and there. You can
mull over your thoughts on the way to the shopping center or
the park, and type them in when you get home.*
A cell phone can enable you to do chessed projects
such as chatting with the elderly or shut-ins, at the same
time as you are watching the baby crawling around on the
porch or digging in the sandbox. A phone can also be the link
to a shiur or to a chavrusa to facilitate the
learning of two halochos of shemiras haloshon a
day.
Mood swings are a feature of new motherhood that take some
getting used to. Often, a little sage advice from someone who
has been there is all that is needed to bring the pendulum
back to center stage. There are hotlines and advice lines
that are available via local phonecalls, and today's
inexpensive long distance services even help the new mother
to a clear, affordable connection to her own Mom, aunt or big
sister far away.
Whether a new mother is feeling overqualified or overwhelmed,
she might benefit from some advice I received years ago when
I was at her stage in life. A wise rebbetzin told me and my
friends, "Think of the baby lying there in your crib as the
most distinguished guest who has come to your house for a
while. Don't resent all of the time and effort it takes to
make strained applesauce. Think of the joy you would have as
you rushed around peeling apples and slicing them, cooking
and mashing and straining them, all so you could give the
Chofetz Chaim a very special dinner at your house."
That shiur certainly put a new slant on baby care for
us. As we developed a more positive attitude, we felt more
comfortable in our mothering efforts. In fact, I even felt
more qualified to be a good mother.
Qualified, yes. But not overly so.
[Ed. In fact, there are many creative writers groups that
meet and exchange ideas etc. That's where I first met Bayla
Gimmel! In Jerusalem, contact Ruth Fogelman at 628-7359, and
in Tzefat, Rifca Goldberg at 04-697- 3255.
Many of our HOME AND FAMILY submissions have come from these
groups!]
