Well, Yom Tov time is here again. A happy time, a busy time,
and a time for reconnecting spiritually as well as
socially.
It seems like everyone in the world becomes twenty times
busier, what with the shopping for clothes and the shopping
for food and the planning, cleaning, cooking, rushing and
doing, doing and doing. Then, finally, everything is done and
we light candles, relax, sit back and enjoy the results of
our efforts.
Except when there is a Chol Hamoed. Then it's a different
story.
Though the above scenario still applies, the "sit back and
relax" only lasts a day or two.
Chol Hamoed means that a day or two after the actual
chag, we have to begin the cycle of cooking and
cleaning and planning and rushing around all over again. A
busy time, again, but wonderful. Beautiful. Meaningful and
happy.
However, depending on the Yom Tov and how many guests we've
planned for the meals, the Chol Hamoed busy part can really
get to you if you don't watch out. Ever notice that feeling,
comes the second or third day of Yom Tov, that you don't
remember which day it is, only how many more meals are left
to plan and cook? First, there is the constant and continuous
peeling, cooking, serving, cleaning and straightening up,
only to begin all over again.
On top of that is the door bell. The constant ringing and
flow of visitors, family and friends. Or people who just stop
by with all of their children for a quick "hello" because
they were in the neighborhood, and stay to make a
"brocha in the succa," or for the meal, which
you can't postpone any longer, and so you invite them to
join. And all the scurrying around to serve and de-serve. A
busy time, living from hand to mouth and meal to meal.
But, with all that activity, there are some people who find
Chol Hamoed even more difficult than the rest, but in a
different way. Those are the single parents, the widows and
widowers, and the not- marrieds living on their own.
Why is this time more difficult than a regular Shabbos?
Because Chol Hamoed has lots and lots of daytime hours,
without the flurry of peeling and cooking and clearing away,
no constant doorbell announcing visitors. And unlike Chanuka,
when you can write letters, sew, even do crosswords, after
you've finished reading your YATED and straightened up,
there's not much left to do. [You're not going to go to the
zoo...] In fact, you're probably reluctant to pop in to a
friend for fear that they are busy in the middle of their
meal or out on their rounds of visits.
Rarely do non-coupled people invite entire families over; it
seems silly. And rarely do these singles have a flurry of
family and friends popping in during Chol Hamoed because most
of these acquaintances are probably married and busy with
their own families. Or Out Somewhere.
But when you don't have lots of family, you still have lots
of free time in the afternoons and evenings. With little that
you are able to do. And reluctant to pop in to someone and
crash a meal where others may have been invited, only to be
urged, "Oh, please do sit down. We'd love to have you.
There's still plenty of room at the table."
So why am I writing all of this?
Because it's hard to always be alone and Chol Hamoed is the
hardest of all for many, many people.
Even if a person has a child in the house, it feels
ridiculous to make an afternoon seuda for only one or
two. And it is depressing, besides. Pathetic if not
ludicrous.
Even if children are married with homes of their own, how
many times can you go and visit them? They also have other
family to host, to visit, friends to socialize with. And as
every good parent knows, when the kids move out, you give
them space and wait for them to find the time to invite
you.
Yes, Chol Hamoed is a very difficult time for many people.
Think of this, now, as you plan your meals and your table.
Not only for Shabbos and Yom Tov, but also for those Chol
Hamoed meals. And don't hesitate to invite someone just
because you're not sure when you'll be eating. "Somewhere
between 2-3, but call first to make sure we have returned."
Nobody will mind that.
And remember, it always makes a person feel good to be
invited, even if they have to say no.
We would like to remind our readers of a new placement
Gemach for single girls, operating in many Jerusalem
neighborhoods, Bnos Yehudis. CALL 02- 652- 8206. Chaya is
also eager to help set up similar branches anywhere! CALL
NOW!
(Tzvia Ehrlich-Klein is the author of ON BUS DRIVERS,
DREIDELS AND ORANGE JUICE [Feldheim]; HAPPY HINTS FOR A
SUCCESSFUL ALIYAH [Feldheim] and A CHILDREN'S TREASURY OF
SEPHARDIC TALES [Artscroll]. She also writes for publications
in Israel, England and the U.S.)
